Thursday, September 22, 2016

Reflection from a long day


Another really long day today. It felt like rowing a boat against the current and not going anywhere. I am using this time to reflect on the fact that each day, even days like today are a blessing. 

I started answering questions on Sikhnet quite a while back to give back to help other people who needed support. So I talked to someone yesterday who was struggling a lot and no one in his life knew the right things to say, or had any guidance on where to go. I realized  that the only reason I know what to say was really because I had gone through my own struggles. I have gone through ripping myself apart to rebuild with a stronger foundation, and now God was acting through me to help this person...how amazing to be able to see my painful experiences as a blessing that I am now able to use to help other people. Basically I spent this last year and took all the skills that I had lacked: communication, assertiveness, decision-making, and conflict resolution, and worked on them month after month until I built up to being able to have long overdue (!!!) conversations. Now I am able to use these skills to not only make things easier for myself, but to relate to others on a level that I would never have been able to before. So my message for today is allow yourself to grow. Letting go of your ego that we already know everything or should know everything is necessary to allow us to learn more. It isn't easy to admit that we have poor skills in something, or we did wrong. But what good are our painful experiences if we don't use them to learn from each other? Growth is painful. Conversations are sometimes really painful. Being honest can be painful. But if we don't do the work we won't get the valuable reward of what comes after the pain. 

There are some days I'm so tired of trying. Tired of making the effort, tired of the pain, worn down from the journey. Tired from wandering alone. At times frustrated, meeting people absorbed in themselves, and yet unable to blame anyone because I too am lost in maya. It reminds me of many lines in gurbani. 

"Deluded by doubt, I wandered over the whole world. Searching, I became frustrated. My Husband Lord has not blessed me with peace and tranquility; what will work with Him? By Guru's Grace, I meditate on the Lord; I enshrine Him deep within my heart. O Nanak, seated in his her own home, she finds her Husband Lord, when the Creator Lord grants His Grace." (page 947-948)

"I have wandered in doubt and confusion, through birth and reincarnation; now, I am so tired. I am suffering in pain and wasting away. Says Kabeer, meeting with the Guru, I have obtained supreme joy; my love and devotion have saved me." (page 335). So maybe not everyone is willing to put in the work, but it's worth it!


my new quotes wall for inspiration to keep doing simran!

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