Monday, December 12, 2016

Surrendering to God's Will

Keep the One Name in your consciousness, O my Siblings of Destiny.
Seeing the world on fire, I have hurried to the Lord's Sanctuary. ||1||Pause||” (Ang 424)

I have this really amazing sense of peace, gratitude and contentment that has filled me and I feel like sharing it. I got to a point late last week where I was just begging for a day when something doesn’t go wrong. I got to work and saw the absolute worst thing I’ve seen in my training to date. I came home just totally devastated and destroyed because it was also layered on top of weeks of other things. I wondered how waking up and going to work again and again is possible when you don’t know what you will face, when you don’t know what kind of suffering you will see, when there are no debriefs and you don’t have anyone to tell you that it’s going to be okay and you will get through it.

That day, I had this transformation. It’s like I took all this pain from everything that I’ve seen in this last month and it became peace. It started off with talking to two friends who are my parent’s age and have been through life, in addition to my dad. I asked about their skills, and basically learned what kind of framework they use in their work life to deal with what they see. The value of sharing the skills they learned really stood out for me. Instead of hearing “so sorry you are having such a tough time” I heard “I felt the same way at one point, and this helped to make it feel better.” I’ve been trying over the last several months to share a lot of the framework and skills that I use in my life on this blog for that reason. All the people that I spoke to use faith as their main strength.

After these conversations I had this huge light-bulb moment, when I just suddenly saw myself for everything that I have gone through and I just let it all go. I released it all to God. It was more than just the feeling of gratitude that I had been experiencing and wrote about in my last post. I have heard about this moment of “surrendering” everything before, but I never really understood it until now. It was this moment of letting go of the burden of things that I was carrying and worrying about and the emotional load of all the struggles I have faced. Suddenly, I just felt like I wasn’t searching anymore, I wasn’t waiting for things to happen, I’m just present. I said Waheguru, everything belongs to You, and in You I trust. This suffering I have seen is Your Will, and I have seen it for a reason. If I wake up tomorrow and it’s more of the same, it’s more of the same. I’m going to make it through because I’ve been put here to do this sewa. Sometimes that really means fighting hard for what I believe in, but I’ll do what it takes. It took away my sense of loss, loneliness, confusion, etc. and I became absorbed in this really amazing feeling that everything is just fine. No matter what happens, no matter where I go in life, I will always have my faith and I will always have God by my side. 

I think one of the big things I want to pass on from this is that often times we are waiting for life to slow down to be able to make some changes. We wait until it's a new week, or a new month, or a new year. How many times do we say "It's been such a bad day, Such a bad month. I can't wait until it's a new month"? We make all these New Year's resolutions about how this year is going to be different. We don't have to wait. Everything I described above was during a weeknight. In one moment we can decide to close a chapter, or say that this moment in itself is a different one for me. 
Lastly, I hope you have experienced, or are able to one day experience surrendering everything to God. 

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