I don’t have a whole lot of time to post, but I thought I would write anyways. I have found myself wrapped up anxiety from indecision the last little while. Sometimes opportunities present and you just aren’t sure if it’s better to pursue them or not! There are so many decisions to be made and I was just feeling that with so many branch points of where my life could lead right now, I wasn’t sure of what is right for me. Particularly at this stage of my life, my decisions around my career and personal life especially are really going to be long-term decisions with big impacts on how I live my life.
I sought guidance from Guru Ji and I took a Hukamnama that told me not to be scared, have faith. So I waited. Then another day I took a Hukamnama that told me that my conflicts would be resolved and I needed to have faith. I waited again. I found it hard to wait because my ego didn’t want to listen-it was so hard to keep the faith. My stomach was tied up in knots and I had a hard time sleeping, not knowing what to do. I don’t handle having “loose ends” or indecision very well- I like to deal with things and just have it be done. I find it very hard to have the patience to wait things through. Having been drained from exams, and not feeding myself with enough Simran, I found it hard to do anything but be anxious without answers, but I still waited like Guru Ji told me to. I knew that this is the right thing for me to do and that the whole point in a Hukamnama is that I hand over my mindset and accept what the Guru has told me.
Last night I was working late, and I just came home and fell asleep. When I awoke in the morning I had this feeling that God was with me, and I am loved and complete. I have never felt this refreshed in the morning, despite the fact that it was just a few hours of sleep. The interesting thing is that of all the days of waiting, I got my questions answered today. I didn't think that it was possible for me to just know what the right thing or the wrong thing would be. I think sometimes God Himself intervenes to guide you and I just felt the confusion and the indecision was gone today. I wondered so many times before whether some things are just coincidence in life, and today I know for certain that everything happens with a purpose and that it guides us. We need to pay attention and learn from what life brings us so that we can grow. I am so glad that I just paused and just maintained faith because the answers just found themselves. So next time you find yourself anxious, maybe take a Hukamnama, and maintain that faith! In the best of circumstances it is easy to have faith, but it is when we are challenged when it is the most important.