Raksha Bandhan just passed and I saw a lot of guys at the Gurdwara with Rakhris today so I think it is a great topic to discuss. Raksha Bandhan is a festival when a rakhri is tied. Rakhris are strings that are tied by a sister (or sister-like relationship) around her brother’s wrist. It is given lovingly by a sister for her brother and symbolizes that the brother will protect his sister and in return, the sister says a prayer and gives this string that is supposed to protect her brother from harm. The brother also gives the sister money/presents in return. This is traditionally celebrated by the Hindu religion but I have seen a lot of Sikhs also celebrating it so let us see what Sikhi teaches.
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Firstly, Sikhi teaches us that there is equality between genders. Women have been taught to stand up for ourselves and to be able to defend ourselves. I was very inspired by the stories of the Kaurs that I posted a while ago, for example Nirbhai Kaur, Shamsher Kaur, and Baghel Kaur. The kirpan was given to us, men and women, to defend ourselves and we have many warriors in our history who teach us to defend ourselves and each other. The Khalsa was made for the protection of those who are in a vulnerable circumstance so a sister should not need to give her brother anything to get his protection, because all of us are brothers and sisters and should be protecting each other without hesitation. This is who we are as Sikhs. As “Basics of Sikhi” points out, Guru Ji is our ultimate protector and this is mentioned over and over in Gurbani.
In a Sikhnet article, Christine Kaur makes the point that all we hear in the news from India is about sexual assault/rape, so how are these strings doing anything. If the point of the strings is to protect women from this violence then why is it continuing. I think we can take this point one step further and ask why I as a woman need protection at all. Maybe we should be addressing the problem of sexual violence in the first place so it doesn't happen.
The next issue becomes practicality. It isn’t possible for a brother to “protect” his sister if she is halfway around the world or living in a different city, and some women don’t have brothers. It isn’t possible for the string to protect the brother either. Eventually either it falls off or the brother takes it off. Guru Nanak Dev Ji was against the Janeo thread because of reasons that it was an empty ritual and not equal for both genders and these same principles apply here to this piece of thread.
The last issue here becomes that this is a ritual performed out of love. Bhai Paramjit Singh Kesri describes this well- if a sister gives her brother a rakhi thinking of all the presents or money she gets in return, and additionally this needs to be done year after year, that is a weak love and really more of an attachment. A strong brother sister bond does not rely on a string and some money. I don’t have a brother by blood but I do have people in my life who are close like brothers. There are many other ways to show our love for our brothers and sisters, and I think the strongest way is through our path to Sikhi. It is important for us to ask ourselves how we show our love because it applies to all of our relationships whether they are partners, family members, friends, or acquaintances. The purpose of this family, having been joined by past associations was always that we were meant to reach God together in this life, so our energy should be expended in this purpose. In this way love can be shown through doing simran together, kirtan, Ardas, teaching each other what you learn, giving a gift of knowledge like a book about Sikhi, helping each other get over struggles by using Gurbani’s teachings, or sending each other daily Hukamnamas or quotes from Gurbani and stories of our Guru Jis. I’ve had a couple of Gyani Jis now who came over to our house and we did Ardas together before they left which really touched my heart. Think about how many times someone has come over to your house and what you have gained and what they have left with. Perhaps whenever someone comes over or we go to a Sikh’s house, then the great gift we can give each other is to do one of the activities I mentioned above. Then we are giving the gift of time, words of love (Gurbani) and the gift of sangat as we connect on a spiritual level. In the last few days I was away on vacation with my family and we went to Edmonton to go to a family friend’s house where we did simran, katha, and kirtan daily. There was a power in sitting on their living room carpet together that taught me that I need to do this more in my life for my family and the people who come over to our house. I think even for my family, our ways of showing love, how we spend our time together, what we do on vacation, how we celebrate life events, etc. has changed very significantly over the years as we have grown on our path. It is possible for us to change and shape how things are done in our families so maybe it seems out of this world that you would do something like that with your sibling or partner, I think it is something that is important to build because it builds towards our purpose. Although there are many ways to show our love- words, gifts, touch, actions, spending time, and listening/emotionally connecting; we should not forget the spiritual connection that grounds the entire fibre of our beings.
Brothers, may your kara remind you of the oneness of God, the commitment of doing right as per Gurbani, and with every action you take with your hands of your promise to protect any human being who needs protection. I hope that I do not see a rakhi tied around that same wrist now having learned about what Sikhi teaches us. Sometimes we are the first ones to change things in our families and the way we do things but it is important because we should further our Sikhi.
And of course this hilarious video from Jus Reign about the Rakhri Zone
References
Gender equality is a HUGE topic in our community. It has effected me TREMENDOUSLY. Regardless what I do and how much sacrifice I made for my parents, I just CAN NOT get to them. No amount of Logic changes their BASE. They were white washed at an early age in India dominated by Hindus and Muslims in the region. They are baptised....it doesn't matter at all. Both of my parents will tell you what the Gurbani says...But the behaviour matters. I have given up it on it.
ReplyDeleteI went to a mix gender boarding school at the age of 6 then came to Canada at age 15 to go to a small town all white high school. My aunts from my dad's side were born in Canada( 2 of Indian _ Sikh origin one White). Nothing seems to had dawned on my parents. Our views are so much different because of our upbringing I guess
unfortunately it is an incredibly impactful topic and as you said can affect a woman tremendously in a negative direction, additionally limiting her ability to dream big for herself and her outlook on life. There are a lot of major changes being made in my generation and you can see that gender equality is a huge area of interest for western culture too right now. Because the positive impacts are tremendously equally powerful in empowering women.
DeleteAgain and Again one can see how far the "Sikhs" of Punjab are Sikhi..Just wearing OUTER bana doesn't make you a Sikh. No wonder the Punjab of Maharaja Ranjits singh was Stolen underneath them..now they are country less
DeleteTwo Sikh brothers ages 60 and 64 were sponsored by their families to Australia for visit - holidays. Look how they behaved
Two Punjabi men, Harchand Singh 60 and brother Jagdev Singh have been arrested for a series of brazen sexual assaults on five women aged between 22- 64.
The two brothers sexually terrorized women at a Brisbane shopping centre, groping and kissing them, the reason they did this? They thought Australian women were “more used to body contact”.
The assaults took place a in early July at the Mt Gravatt shopping centre. Prosecutor Sheridan Shaw told Brisbane Magistrates Court, the men were in the country for a baby shower, and filled their time by walking around the shopping centre terrorising women of various ages.
http://dailyentxpress.com/brisbane-harchand-singh-60-brother-jagdev-singh-64-charged-with-brazen-sexual-assaults
Again and again, I have seen how a helping hand helps us excel: Mentors: whether they are parents, older siblings, teachers and Mostly God's grace helps us excel:
DeleteIn this article Mentors are mentioned
Harvard business review
How Women of Color Get to Senior Management
Cindy Pace
They cultivate influential mentors. Having influential senior leaders — including men as well as women of color — serve as mentors, advisers, and role models provided emerging women managers with the tacit knowledge needed to navigate their company’s leadership structure. Mentors also advised on some of the less-talked-about necessities for staying on a desired career path: boosting resilience, coping with difficult emotions, and managing hypervisibility (the experience of feeling constantly observed because of one’s difference, or of feeling “on display” as one of the few women of color in your company).
https://hbr.org/2018/08/how-women-of-color-get-to-senior-management#article-top
Yeah I think helping hands are extremely important. That's why the concept of sangat is so important. I've been extremely fortunate that God has given me a lot of helping hands.
DeleteI thought I share this article with you
ReplyDeleteHow to Make a Big Decision
Have no fear. An emerging science can now help you choose
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/01/opinion/sunday/how-make-big-decision.html
I believe LOT of the problems in our community stem from lack of higher education( ability to reason and question their own behaviour). They think Culture is religion.
ReplyDeleteThe MODEL changed but the Programme has not....
this is a good site to subscribe to
ReplyDeleteHarvard Business Review
How to Minimize Stress Before, During, and After Your Vacation
Tristan Elizabeth Gribbin
September 06, 2018
https://hbr.org/2018/09/how-to-minimize-stress-before-during-and-after-your-vacation