When we are little kids our confidence in ourselves is beaming because we don’t worry about our self-image. You can observe this in the boldness with which children play, dance, and even just eat freely. Then sometime in our teenage years, our confident takes a hit as we discover ourselves and establish our personality. This is a time when we are unfortunately especially vulnerable to media influence, and develop more of an awareness of what other people think of us and how we think we should be. It is a fear of what other people may think, that creates a power behind the opinion of others. Some people start negative self-talk that carries with them through life, or patterns of trying to please others. I think the ability to find confidence again within oneself is strongly tied to our spiritual path. For many, this occurs much later in their life when they rediscover their spirituality at a midlife crisis.
One day I got a comment from someone criticizing me that I needed to understand that there is a hierarchy and I'm not getting with the program. She didn’t mean a hierarchy in the sense that there is a boss and so on, which a normal thing. The hierarchy she spoke of was a hierarchy of importance- that people’s jobs and positions make them more important than others; that by being comfortable and treating everyone equally I was not following the special treatment that certain people need. Of course this goes against what it means to be a Sikh. The reason we sit down in langar is because there is no hierarchy of importance in the eyes of God. This is why every member of a team is important and simply why every being matters regardless of their position. This moment defined for me the importance of confidence in our path. To me it means that I am worthy of being an equal- no more, and no less. This is the difference in being confident versus being egotistical or narcissistic.
If we look back at our Sikh history, the key decisions that were made were made in confidence in God’s path, without a waver, without fear, and without doubt. For example, Mai Bhago walked the path of fighting injustice. If she constantly questioned herself, had self-doubt, and negative talk, how could she have accomplished anything? Thus, the reason I say that confidence is a deeply spiritual path is because it is based in our faith and trust in Guru Ji. Otherwise it is egotistical and it becomes a path of maya. Walking the path outlined by Guru Ji requires us to walk a different path than the hundreds of thousands who are sleeping in maya. On that path, we are faced with much criticism from others, but we need to learn for ourselves and especially for our children who are growing up in this media-filled environment, that they need to trust the path that Guru Ji has laid for them. All too often I have seen lack of confidence destroy people. They mold to what others want, but that leads to feelings of depression, hopelessness and purposelessness. Shattered confidence also leads people searching for fake babas who then exploit them. We need to practice belief and faith in our Guru Ji, and our next generation will also follow through. In times of hardship, we need to trust that Gurbani helps us heal and find our way. Every adversity, God will help us and has a plan for our growth, if we have acceptance and love for our path.
It was the unshakable belief in love for God that led Sikhs in our history to make the sacrifices they did. This belief comes as we immerse ourselves in sadh sangat, in learning Gurbani, Simran and sewa. Guru Ji teaches us not to use worldly things to boost our confidence because that simply boosts our ego – for example using your appearance to boost your confidence is actually about ego. Rather we need to build our confidence through Gurbani. Singing our anthem, we sing “Deh Shiva Bar Mohe...” “Dear God, grant me this boon that I never deviate from doing good deeds, that I shall have no fear of the enemy when I go into battle and with determination I will be victorious, that I may teach my mind to only sing your praises; and when the time comes, I should die fighting heroically on the field of battle.” This type of courage and determination is the type of confidence that we need as Sikhs and that has made us flourish up to now.
Deh Shiva Reference:
In my own life experience I LEARNED there is a difference between Self Confidence and Ego. Most Sikhs are STILL Hindu minded wearing Outer Sikh symbols - especially the recent immigrants. I got most of my confidence from males in my family, especially my grandfathers from both sides. Although My father was basically missing in my emotional nurturing and guidence, atleast he didn't put me down. It was my mother, a Gatra wearing Sikh telling me to look DOWN instead of UP. When I stood my ground for my rights, she would tell I am an egoist - which I was NOT. I drew my inspiration from Gurus - especially Guru Nanak and Shri Guru Gobind Singh ji.
ReplyDeleteI think hierarchy issue is animals also - look at baboon groups. It is not limited to Hindu minded people - it's Prevalent in Muslims also - and RIght wing Whites!!!!
I had an issue with a White male boss regarding this - He had said something - I replied back - he took issue How dare I, an Intern, had disrepected him in front of his secretary!!! ..Wow. I never worked with that guy again
Confidence Vs. Ego: The Difference Between Success And Self-Sabotage
https://www.forbes.com/sites/cywakeman/2015/11/23/confidence-vs-ego-the-difference-between-success-and-self-sabotage/#6630f0286d6a
I also like answers here: Ego Vs Self Confidence
ReplyDeleteWhy is that Indians who are highly talented, lag behind- is it talent or attitude; why is that Indians are hobbesians, why is that most of the cities have a culture of snobbery, why is that we waste our time more on pulling down others, envying them, being jealous of them rather than focussing on ourself, improving on ourself; why is that we take most of our decisions on the basis of perception, rather than on reality, why is that we prefer to bribe our priests and our gods too, rather than dispensing the same amount to the poor.... The list of such questions may not be endless, but it does cast aspersions on our attitude, our thinking, our interpretation of events and processes
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-ego-and-self-esteem