Playing the Game of Life

You might have noticed that I have not been writing much lately. I got so incredibly ill a few weeks ago that I nearly died. My only other similar experience was a sheer random accident less than a year ago that was so out of the blue it was hard to process.

I woke up to the reality that death faces us each day, and that we really must mentally prepare. It is different to know that fact, and different to actually feel it and accept it as a reality. It is different even seeing, observing, having a friend die, than feeling in the deep down pit of your stomach that something is very wrong and the time is coming. Yet are told this every day in Gurbani, and we are taught how to make our preparations. In the many weeks preceding, I knew which direction this illness was headed, and I did as much as I could to wrap up loose ends, tell people I care, and to start strengthening myself spiritually. Finally, I ended up in the very place where I knew I was headed. Due to covid restrictions, no one was allowed to visit me in the hospital. My mind was scared of dying alone, of almost finally almost being done my training only to not have finished, of not having achieved what I came here for. Yet I reminded myself that I could not let that anxious mind overcome, that I couldn’t let my thoughts win, because if there truly was limited time left then I needed to maximize it towards my purpose.

It was not time to be wasted anymore thinking about life, it was time now to just act and to accept that everyone has a limited time and perhaps mine was coming to an end. To do simran and paath in the midst of the noise and the constant insults on one’s sense was an ultimate challenge but somehow happened. Looking back after having gotten better, I can see that that time was given to me as a gift. It was given to awaken me. It was away from all other responsibilities and purposes just for meditation on God’s Name. There were a lot of things that were odd about the month, I was supposed to be physically somewhere else, in a place that had zero resources and I would certainly have died, but I wasn’t. I found the right person at the right time who magically made it all happen, but that is God's grace because it wasn't my time to go yet. I could not be more appreciative for the gift of the breath that I have today, because I will no longer take it for granted.