What Does Support Look Like?

I think during the pandemic this is a really important area especially, of how do we support our friends, our family members, and others in the community especially as we ourselves are finding we need support and might be sinking at times. Humans are wired for connection, and our evolutionary survival depends on us interacting with others, and relying on each other for support. 

What exactly does support look like? I think it can look so many different ways. One day I brought my friend her cat's medications from the vet because she was quarantined at home. My friend randomly dropped off a book for me to read of lovely poems. It can look like my mom calling me in the evening, or my dad messaging and asking me how I am, sending me Hukamnamas and things to read. It can sound like someone reaching out to ask how you are because they are worried about you. It can look like a phone call or a facetime call. It can look like someone making you food when you are too sick to move. It can be my cousin doing his homework while i sit by and do my own stuff on facetime, or me doing my notes while he does his rubix cube. 

Support from afar can be hard. It's not the day and age of holding someone's hand and giving them a hug. It's not the time now for us to be meeting up somewhere when someone is down. Virtual support can look like a supportive text, sending something that says you care, positivity, a card, a letter, it can look like a well wish and a prayer. 

Maybe the other person will never even know. I do simran for people sometimes, when I am worried about how they are doing. I focus my attention on that energy of love, that energy of healing that is contained in Gurbani, in the being that cares for all of us and connects us all, that is within all of us, that is you and me. That energy I am sure reaches that person. Maybe people need space and freedom and want to be alone. Support can be letting them know that you are there if they need you, but it's ok for them to take their time to breathe and sleep and eat and just survive. Base survival is hard, let them know they aren't alone. Support can mean love from afar. It can mean we don't talk all the time, but when we do, you know i'm there dedicated to you. Support can be listening. It can be sitting in the silence together. 

The times are tough. It's not always the right way or the wrong way. We can't always support someone in every way, and our own needs might be met in different people, places, relationships, and things. It might be listening to music together. Yesterday what made my day was driving home and looking over and seeing this woman in the passenger seat give me this gigantic smile. It was a soulful smile, a smile that changed my day. It can be making people laugh. It can be lightening up the mood. My dad loves to do that. It can be running errands, volunteerism, telling someone they can do it. Encouragement.  

The biggest thing i have found is that support means patience. It means being patient with someone's feelings, being patient with hard conversations, being patient with the ups and downs, having faith in each other, it means having faith in God, it means being patient with giving space, and it means not being selfish. It means not always looking to what you want but helping other people in what they absolutely need to survive. Support often means helping someone knowing there is no repayment, not asking for something back, just giving with love. It means trust.