Inner Travels

I’ve been realizing that my hope for other people doesn’t change their trajectory. In Sikhi we are taught to spread what we have learned. I have often been really passionate and wanted to share books, simran, and the story of the mind katha with people. I think back to my uncle spreading the Gurmantar everywhere he goes. The world is burning, suffering, and drowning in the bhavsagar. My hope by sharing the story of the mind is that people learn how to start their journey of the mind, our true purpose of coming to this life and to make progress on that path rather than wasting any more time in the thregun maya. It takes practice after all, so the more practice we have, the better off we will be since we don’t actually know how much time we have here. Unfortunately, not everyone finds this story to be interesting, or cares about why we came here and where we are going. Some minds have come from devlok just ready, that as soon as they are reminded of the path they advance in spiritual avasthas very quickly. Some minds aren’t ready. They are skeptical, and some will change over time, but some will not. I think back to when I originally learned about the Gurmantar, it wasn’t the time for me either because I didn’t think it was possible to have no thoughts and without an ability to ask questions and really dig deeper, I just let the concept go and then revisited it years later. I wonder sometimes about the people who wait too long and it is too late, they never did go back to it. I am reminded of the sakhi of Bhagat Kabir’s friend, who just was interested in working, and then was reborn as an ox in his next life, being whipped and working for the farmer. When we make decisions, we make them with benefits and risks. Many of us live our lives not even realizing what the benefits could be of reaching Dasam Dwar and similarly might not understand the consequences because we don't actually take the time to understand what we are reading in Gurbani. I remember talking to an Aunty once who simply had a “we know everything” attitude when I tried to give her some books. No matter how much we care and desire for other people to be free of the shackles of maya, I guess I’ve learned that it isn’t up to me what happens to them. My role is simply to share these kathas and learnings with a passion and to live by them. I guess it just isn’t written for everyone to cross or to understand. The 5 have full control over some people, and they will live out their whole lives in this illusion. All I can have is compassion, as Sant Singh Ji Maskeen teaches us, that they will have wasted their precious human life away. 

We cannot change people, no matter how much we wish it. They have to be inspired to make that change... but we can have a role in that inspiration. If it is someone we spend 24/7 with we might spend some more effort, or we might just turn inward to our own path. That in itself also can change generations (both ahead and behind); to just focus inwards on improving ourselves. People who don't see value in how you live on this path might also just not stick around as well, no matter how much you might care for them. There is a part of Bhai Randhir Singh's book where they land at a train platform and there's no one there. After so much sacrifice and hardship he really just wanted to see a Sikh and people are too scared to come because of strict British rule (his family had been actually too far away to be able to come). He turns inwards to God and that preserves him through his lonely time in solitary. We can't be constantly looking at how other people want us to live as the marker for walking the way our Guru Ji teaches us. If we look to others it will also prevent us then from speaking the truth and defending what is just. Bhai Ranbir Singh Ji (Edmonton) did a katha this weekend about Moh and they talked about how in moh we don't tell the other person what they are doing is wrong because we worry we will lose something worldly. We fear the other might get angry, they might walk away, they might do x, y, z when actually in true Prem we just say it as it is no matter what. True Prem comes through Simran, when we are able to meet other Gurmukhs in Sunn and that merger into our home is permanent. That love doesn't disappear after we die. 

I used to be outwardly facing, my small circle of people close to me were ones that I invested in deeply. I didn't talk to a lot of people but the people I did spend time with, there as a lot of conversation. Their opinions and validations mattered to me. Something changed in February and March. I have never been able to give credit to my story and survival. I gave my words freedom and recognized the struggle I have been through. I saw what I wasn’t able to see before, and spoke what I wasn’t able to say. It turned me inward. I didn’t need to be asking other people anymore, their opinions no longer took hold of me like they had before. All that was withering away. Guru Ji tells us when all other treatments whether for our social, spiritual, mental, or physical rog are exhausted, that Naam is the medicine. I could not have imagined for myself this level of acceptance and integration within myself. No one else could have done that for me. I don’t know how to describe what a blessing it has been over this last month, that for the first time that I can remember, I have been living and not just fighting to survive. I have been able to accomplish a lot in survival mode, and I just wonder and think how much more there is for me when I am not just living but thriving. It’s funny how when I accepted that this is how things are and I wasn't desiring for things to get easier or to get a break, that things just fell into place. My inner growth has been stunted by many external factors and I am excited as I peel those back and get a chance to leap forward. I have a boat now, I am not drowning anymore. When we are able to accept ourselves we are able to understand better that people are just walking the path they are written to walk too, without judgement. It is simply Hukam.   

Travels

I crawled exhausted and starving

through vines and underbrush

tripping on overgrown roots 

cuts, scrapes, bruises

sinking in the mud

hot and sticky

each step caked on more and more

until I pulled myself to the shore

 

Will any traveller climb into my boat? 

The line grew long 

but when they saw me

for all I was

when I didn’t care anymore to pretend 

to hide

to cover up in superficial looks and conversations

when I showed up raw

covered in dirt

they vanished and dissipated

the brush has painted them out 

I am further shattered

gutted

 

I do not understand

what was solid is liquid and now evaporated

how could it be there are no remnants

of the closest friends

sangis, sathis

the leaf fell off never to be attached again

the five bit you 

and still you call them friends

won't let them go

when I wanted to bring you with me

there is no one now

no place

no person

there is no other direction for me to go

isn’t there anyone else thirsting for home? 

I look back one last time

call out to my companions, 

please come home with me 

climb aboard this boat

not a flicker of movement

and the time has come

the waves appear and have no end

I stared with teary eyes one last time

no one was mine

and I was no one's

I climb in

grab the oars

and the mirage behind me disappears 

it is night now

I cannot see in this darkness

the water dangerously deep as vast as the sky

bone chilling cold

I long to meet my Love

please take me home

its unbearable now

with each breath I row

Wahe

Guru

there is a light on the horizon

and now the music sings to call me home

a taste of sweetness on the tongue

the boat of my Guru takes me 

to the Castle of Truth