Mother (Maa)

There are so many astounding mothers in Sikh history and I would like to take some time to both celebrate them. The first one that comes to mind is Mata Gujri Ji. Mata Gujri Ji was the wife of Guru Teg Bahadur Ji, mother of Guru Gobind Singh Ji, and grandmother of the Chaar Sahibzaade. At the time of (Guru) Gobind Singh Ji’s birth, Guru Teg Bahadur Ji was out travelling and spreading the word of God. It was Mata Gujri’s guidance that raised Guru Gobind Singh Ji to be a tough warrior, and at the same time a musician and heartfelt poet. She continued to raise him after Guru Teg Bahadur’s martyrdom, while at the same time strengthening the panth. She inspired Khalsa armies, and was a leader in times of hardships. After Mata Sundri Ji passed on, she raised the younger Sahibzaade and strengthened them to stand up the Mughals. From Mata Gujri Ji we learn the importance of a mother’s strength in times of hardship, sacrifice, leadership, and bravery. There is another interesting thing about Mata Gujri Ji. Gurbani teaches us that when we are in our mother’s womb we are in Naam and we get training on how to get out of maya. The family we are born into have sanjog with us- husband, wife, and children have a union of souls destined to reach God together and support each other in fulfilling our purpose. The child that Waheguru blesses a mother with, is based on her spiritual avastha and the level of her bhagti (based on her spiritual work and devotion). We therefore learn about the incredibly critical role of the mother. Her spirituality will shape the entire family, literally, by the matching of the soul of the child that will come to her. Mata Gujri Ji had Gobind Rai after 34 years of marriage. The fact that she was blessed with this child, speaks to the level of bhagti that Mata Gujri herself had.  

Then there is Mata Khivi Ji, wife of Bhai Lehna, who went on to become Guru Angad Dev Ji. She established langar, and arranged housing for Sikhs who came to visit Guru Ji. In the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, she is mentioned: “Balwand says that Khivi, the Guru’s wife, is a noble woman, who gives soothing, leafy shade to all. She distributes the bounty of the Guru`s Langar; the kheer - the rice pudding and ghee, is like sweet ambrosia." (Ang 967) Sikhiwiki writes “She is quite possibly the first woman of her era who ever worked outside her immediate family home and obligations at a time when her children were very young.” Mata Khivi Ji raised her daughter Bibi Amro. One day, Amardas heard Bibi Amro singing Gurbani next door and he was so touched that this led him to become a Sikh and go on to become Guru. Bibi Amro herself went on to become in charge of a manji (geographical area), leading the sangat. She was a great leader, raised by Mata Khivi Ji.

Another example is Mata Bhani, daughter of Guru Amardas Ji, wife of Guru Ramdas Ji, mother of Guru Arjan Dev Ji, grandmother of Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji, great-grandmother of Guru Teg Bahadur Ji and great great grandmother of Guru Gobind Singh Ji! What an integral role Mata Bhani played in Sikh history. Her son, Guru Arjan Dev Ji mentions her blessings on Ang 434: “Remembering Him, all sins are erased, and ones generations are saved. So meditate continually on the Lord, Har, Har; He has no end or limitation. O son, this is your mother's hope and prayer, that you may never forget the Lord,Har, Har, even for an instant. May you ever vibrate upon the Lord of the Universe (Pause). May the True Guru be kind to you, and may you love the Society of the Saints. May the preservation of your honor by the Transcendent Lord be your clothes, and may the singing of His Praises be your food. So drink in forever the Ambrosial Nectar; may you live long, and may the meditative remembrance of the Lord give you infinite delight. May joy and pleasure be yours; may your hopes be fulfilled, and may you never be troubled by worries. Let this mind of yours be the bumble bee, and let the Lord's feet be the lotus flower. Says servant Nanak, attach your mind to them, and blossom forth like the song-bird, upon finding the rain-drop.” Guru Ji went on to become the first Sikh Guru to be martyred. Mata Bhani also selflessly served her own father, Guru Amardas Ji even long after marriage. She teaches us about the importance of service, devotion, and sewa as a mother, and as a daughter. 

The last I will write about is Mata Sahib Kaur is the mother of all of Khalsa. Although she physically didn’t have any children of her own, we are all her children. This teaches us something very important about being a mother as well, as Guru Ji blessed her with the children of the Khalsa. After the family was separated at the Sirsa, she headed to Delhi and continued to serve the panth. 

It is a key role of a mother to pass on culture, religion, and language. (I don’t mean to downplay the role of a father, of course). We know that after spending 9 months in the mother’s uterus/womb, the mother’s role in providing physical, spiritual, and emotional nourishment is essential. Mothers lifelong lessons and values. For example, passing on our language in order to understand Gurbani and the treasures within it on how to obtain mukhti. It is our mothers that share the values of Sikhi and help us understand our roots. It is mothers who pass on empathy, compassion, kindness and devotion. We see this in all of the examples of the mothers in Sikhi above. I remember my mom learning kirtan when I was young, and going on to learn it myself. It is reflecting on how integral a role she has played in my life, that I realize that I want to raise my children myself, and not have someone else do it. 

My mother has been an inspiring role model for me my whole life. She really broke the mold and did a lot of innovative things in her life. That part of her story isn’t mine to tell, so I will talk about her story as my mom. My mom worked until I was three, then my dad had a job that allowed her to stay home with us. Yet it wasn’t just us kids. Other Punjabi kids in the community used to come over after school for Punjabi lessons at our kitchen table. Even a non-Punjabi kid used to come over because his parents really trusted my mom. She would always call on them if they were all her own kids. As I’ve gotten older, I can really appreciate what she’s done in the community. Growing up, my home has been a safe space for members of the community to come seek help, guidance, and facilitate difficult conversations. All I knew as a kid was that there were people coming over to get help, but looking back I realize now that my parents have always kind of been “on call” for the Punjabi community. She’s played an important role in supporting people through times of hardship. I remember my mom giving people the CD sets of Gurbani tapes to play in their homes. They would come back and talk about the changes they were seeing in their household. This has continued over the years. She has helped students in finding jobs, applying for scholarships, and always gives encouragement for youth to get a post-secondary education. She helped me dream big rather than keeping my dreams small and I wouldn’t be where I am without her. Even my talent for art and making crochet dresses comes my mother. 

In Sikhi we are taught that the supreme way of living was grist marag, a householder/family life. The role of the mother is obviously central to this. Unfortunately, I think we are in times that being a mother is underappreciated. I will reiterate that is no such thing as “just a mother.” It is probably the hardest job of all. Society is shaming mothers and judging them for choosing to have their children at a certain time, or raising them certain ways, or how they balance their career. I have the utmost respect for women who are homemakers. They are instilling a light into the next generation and it isn’t easy to manage a household. At the same time, I am also a woman who has invested the last 11 years into getting an education for my career, so I understand the role of finding meaning and purpose in your work as sewa, and having an income to sustain oneself financially. These are all very personal choices we end up having to make. I made the decision for my career knowing that I wanted children in the future. I invested in a career where I will earn enough by working fewer hours, and at get to spend the rest of the time with my husband and kids. I worked hard now for the benefit later. For some work might be everything, for some it might be nothing. Our mothers are not some superhuman, infallible women. They are women like us, women who work hard and make mistakes, but they learn from each moment and evolve with time.

Having understood so much about the importance of the woman’s spiritual devotion, the values we instill, and the passing on of cultural and religious values; it makes me reflect deeply on the state of our society. I don’t just mean western society, but also in India as well because the shift there has been the same. I wonder about what will happen for the future. Throughout my travels, people are shocked that I have been able to maintain our language, culture, and passion for Sikhi as a Canadian-born Sikh. I got this comment so frequently I was shocked to learn it was now a rarity...how did this become a rarity? It is simply an observation that many second-generation Sikh women, my fellow Kaurs, are lost and they don’t even know they are lost. When we are so absorbed into a direction, we might not even realize it isn’t our only choice. The drinking and partying scene have become very popular. Appearances like makeup and false eyelashes have become the norm. Going to the Gurdwara is less about learning and enlightenment as it is about dressing up and finding a boyfriend. Dating without purpose at 13, 14 years old. Young Kaurs are smoking, doing drugs, even getting involved in gangs. If we smoke, our kids will smoke. We are damaging our bodies in ways never seen before in our cultural norms. Forget courageousness, modesty, responsibility, or even truth-telling. People think this is about being modern, but this is not what modern is. Modern is not about abandoning what our great Sikh role models taught us, it is not about being out for yourself and forgetting your responsibilities. Even Punjabi movies are not showing us to get jobs and work hard, but about hanging around and mooching off others. Houses where parents are Amritdhari/Gursikh are not spared of this effect because their children are growing up in the same environment. It devastates me to see youth not reach their potential. These are really not the freedoms that moved our families across the world in search of a better life. Moreso, I thought India would be different but I have come to realize realize the Kaurs from India are affected by the same societal changes as well. 

Maya has eaten our generation alive. Gurbani says: “the love of Maya is enticing; without teeth, it has eaten up the world.” I am not writing this so that we look down on others, that is not what Sikhi is about. It is so easy to be swayed by the ways of the world and everyone has their own path. Yet I think we need to realize the state of affairs and realize what's happening. We are choosing to not talk about it, and we are scared to mention it. I'm mentioning it now as a fellow Kaur. We need to talk about it in a way that isn't about judgement but about shifting the way things are done. We have forgotten the values that these extraordinary Sikh women, mothers, have taught us in our history. There is a life that we can choose that is far more fulfilling and will sustain the generations to come than the one that we are calling a modern, "free", "independent" life here. Sikhi teaches us otherwise. Fellow Kaurs, we will be mothers shortly. We must think about the values that we will be passing on and the need to be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy to raise healthy families. To raise families that can be resilient in the face of adversity. We are in times of Kaljug. Who knows what our children will face in the world in their generation, we need to be prepared to instill strength in them. If we cannot find the way, it will be very difficult for our children to find their way. We must not squander our life purpose. As we prepare to create our own families, these topics must be paramount. Keeping a family together in today’s world takes sacrifice, responsibility, and determination. It takes self-awareness. Regardless of whether you choose to be a mother, you may be an aunt, or "Aunty Ji" at the Gurdwara, or simply a role model. I am inspired by all those mothers in Sikh history. It gives me hope to see those who are actively learning about Sikhi and trying their best. 

“From the woman is our birth, and in the woman’s womb are we shaped. To the woman we are engaged and to the woman are we wedded. The woman is our friend and from woman is the family. Through the woman are the bonds of the world. Why then call her evil, who gives birth to the world’s leaders? From the woman is born woman, without the woman there is none” (Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Ang 473)

Reference for history: sikhiwiki