“Love is such an eye with
which the depth of everything, every person, and the Creator can be seen.”
Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen
Love is
universally something we all need and experience in life. Since Sikhism
emphasizes living a family life, I think it is important to understand both the
spiritual and worldly (physical/mental) aspects of love, just like we
understood the Anand Karaj. To understand the gift of union, we must first
understand the gift and necessity of solitude and separation. Maskeen Ji
explains in his book “Guru Chintan” (Guru’s Meditation) that when we are alone,
we find out who we are. The chance to explore the inner self can only occur in
solitude. In my personal experience, I have found a huge depth of growth that I
never thought was possible in both separation and solitude. As hard as it was,
it was also a huge gift because I never would have looked as deeply inside
myself and challenged myself to grow. Maskeen Ji elaborates that it is during
these times that we see the 5 lurking within us: “Indeed, the real picture of
the person comes before him in loneliness and the real figure is full of worry,
pain, anger, greed and fear…. Whenever one is alone, then passion (lust),
anger, desire and attachment etc. become visible…With whom we have got very
deep relation and fondness, he comes to mind again and again. Mendicants
consider solitude as the touchstone of love, because with whom we have love, he
comes to mind in solitude repeatedly.” In this solitude, we are also reminded
of the virtues of others, and it allows us to experience the ultimate joy of
connection.
When we look at
it from the perspective of separation from God, it is a great gift to actually
realize this separation, because it is from there that we grow a longing for
union. Maskeen Ji writes, “The tear which comes out due to separation from God,
is priceless because God himself is priceless. Often love-sick people let such
pure tears come out of their eyes. Dirt of many births is washed away with
these tears. Not only momentary suppressed anger but the whole dirt of mental
impressions is washed away.” Many shabads talk about this longing for God, and
that is why you will see many people crying when they do simran or listen to
shabads. These are very special tears. Gurbani says, “I cannot survive without
seeing my Beloved. My eyes are welling up with tears” (Ang 94). Maskeen Ji
explains that these tears are like the water that allows a garden to grow: “The
love of God also requires the water (tears) of the eyes. The fruit of union
only then appears if the sapling of love is irrigated with tears…Love-sickness
gets converted into continuous remembrance (simran) of God, then remembrance
gets upgraded into ‘love.’ On manifestation of love, God, the owner of the
world, takes us into His fold” and that is when we merge.
Now that we have
explored the process of separation to union with God, let us explore this
process in our other relationships. Just like our mind has to match the views
of Guru, for simran to be done with affection, it is also necessary for us to
have similar thinking to unite a relationship. Similar to my recent posts about
vulnerability and expressing emotion, Maskeen Ji writes about how many people
feel like strangers in their own homes because they don’t express their
feelings, “The present day man does not open his heart before anybody,” and
this results in distancing of relationships. Similarity of views is a far away
goal if there is simply no honest heartfelt communication! Conflict (kalesh)
ultimately comes from our thoughts being different because of the 5
dhoots/thieves and not being able to put those aside. Maskeen Ji gives the
examples of how Harnakash tried to kill his son Prehlad and Aurangzeb killed
his father and brothers due to dissimilarity of views. He explains that in a
marriage, “If one sees god in her husband and the other sees his wife as goddesss,
then the home will become the temple of God… Wife should take care of the brain
of the husband that he may not start thinking wrongly by any wrong dealing of
mine and husband should be careful that wife’s emotions are not hurt. Man
generally becomes angry if his emotions get hurt and woman starts weeping if
her emotions get hurt…The relationship of wife and husband is the union of
emotion and thoughts. And the palace of life can be built only on the
foundation of this union.” Because maya is our thoughts, Guru Ji’s guidance is
key to that successful union between partners in marriage.
Maskeen Ji writes that the mind has knowledge of
three tastes: “Taste of passion (sex), taste of love, and taste of worship
(bhagati). When a body meets another body, the taste formed due to this meeting
is called sex. The meeting of two minds gives the taste of love. The union of
soul with God produces bliss of devotion.” I think these points are very
important to explore in the topic of love versus lust. Maskeen Ji uses the
analogy of a sitar (musical instrument) to describe that just like we tune the
strings on the sitar, we need to tune the 5 thieves (including lust) within us,
rather than removing them. A lot of people try to talk about getting rid of and
removing these parts of ourselves when they are normal. He writes, “It is to be
remembered that wire is not to be taken out of sitar, but only is to be attuned.
Lust, anger, greed, attachment and pride are not to be taken out of this body,
these are brought within limits. We can not throw these out, even if we want.
When lust (passion) is attuned, then it puts on the garb of modesty and decency
and remains within limits. Anger gets converted into bravery. Attachment
becomes love and greed changes into contentment. Pride takes the shape of
self-respect.”
Now let us explore the concepts of love and lust. In love there
is a necessity for minds to meet in addition to the body. He writes, “Body
attracts another body, this attraction is due to which one body remains in
search of another body…if the bodies meet, but there is no partnership in views
when minds meet, the ecstasy is not there. Those persons are praise worthy who
have got bliss in their lives. On forming partnership of minds, one can get
sweetness of love, which is superior to sex-love.” In addition to minds
meeting, to have love there needs to be devotion and letting go of ego. He
explains, “There is pride in sex[ual] enjoyment. The fulfillment of passion is
for the fulfillment of pride. There is ‘I’ present but not ‘You’. In love there
is a relationship between ‘I’ and ‘You’. Not only ‘I’ but ‘You’ also exists.
Such a conception gives birth to love. Where ‘I’ ceases to exist, only ‘You’
remains, there the flavor of devotion springs up.” One of my favorite lines of
Gurbani is, “When the difference between myself and others is removed, then
wherever I look, I see only You" (Ang 1375).
It is fascinating to see the parallels
between spiritual life and physical life and how they intertwine. I can understand now where a lot of
conflicts arise in relationships, old or new. We can
use the Guru as our guide to match the views of our partner. We've all experienced love but I think it is very
interesting to get to see the layering of relationships based on the union of
body, mind, then devotion/removal of ego, and seeing the Creator in the
creation. In a recent katha I remember Simer Singh (mysimran.info) talked about how if your love is different for different people (brother, mother, friend), then it isn't true love. That true love comes from the final step of seeing the Creator in the creation. Sewa Singh Ji Tarmala also wrote about how true love manifests when we meet each other in Sunn (the home of the mind). I think a lot of people don’t get married knowing the depth of love
that is possible because we don’t talk a lot about the depth of spiritual love which
is necessary for that to happen. So let's live in a way to build that level of love in all relationships in our life, and let's spread the message.
“Out of the gifts bestowed
by Creator, love is supreme gift. One comes to know on observing that love is
present in the whole existence and by and by it appears in every living being.”
Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen
References
Guru
Chintan by Sant Singh Ji Maskeen available at Sikhbookclub online: http://sikhbookclub.com/Book/Guru-Chintan4
Mysimran.info katha: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4k10_5qvruU
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