Second Generation Indo-Canadians

As second-generation Indo-Canadians, there is a wide diversity of who we are, how we live, and our balance of cultural values. At the same time there is an undeniable similarity in our experiences as can be seen by the popularity of youtubers like Jus Reign that draw on those similarities of our experiences growing up in brown families. I thought it would be interesting to explore what seems to influence our retaining or letting go of certain traditional Punjabi values versus the acceptance or denial of certain western values. 

The first influence that comes to mind of which values we have is our parents. As Punjabis most of our parents would have had similar upbringings. For our generation, we are influenced by when our parents immigrated because this reflects the state of the India that they left behind, and the state of acceptance and environment in Canada when they arrived. My dad arrived in the 70s, mom in the 80s. The India that they left behind was shockingly different from the India we visited last year, due to modernization and westernization. In the minds of anyone who leaves behind their home, that memory of home is going to be frozen in time. Rural 1970s Punjab and 1970s Canada would have looked quite different; not just a physically different location, but also different norms. Parents who immigrated more recently might struggle less with the westernization concepts of clothing, food, etc. because those already have existed in India, but more with other aspects of life in Canada. Immigration is inherently a stressful process even if people may be moving from an area of even higher stress like a war-zone to a more peaceful country. They might have a harder time with raising their kids because they haven’t stabilized financially yet, because of language barriers, or lack of social supports.

The other factor as I mentioned above was the environment immigrant parents arrived into. Back in the 50s, 60s, 70s, the culture was of assimilation- let go of your past culture to accept the dominant culture, which was reinforced by outright racism. This is in contrast to the mosaic and love for different aspects of cultures today. We can see how in that environment some families were pressured so much they westernized their names and just abandoned all aspects of their culture. Other parents who immigrated around this time might now hold very “strict” or specific values for their children around Sikhi as they realize the importance of protecting their identity. Because their value systems will be based on the traditional Punjabi culture from the time they came to Canada, there will be a certain way that is expected for elders, children, or men and women to behave. There might be specific ideas of how to dress, which jobs are appropriate, which marriages are appropriate, which goals in life are most important, around gender roles, or family function. When someone arrives from India now, there are still hardships, but the requirement of assimilating and giving up who you are is gone. Instead actually one could arrive into a large center like Surrey or Brampton and be only dealing with Punjabi people, by only going to Punjabi grocery stores, reading and watching Punjabi news, or working for Punjabi companies, etc. Living in this semi-bubble, one could be out of touch with what’s going on with the general society and public, or with their children. In other ways, youth in larger centers have different opportunities as well, such as attending crash courses in Sikh history, camps, Khalsa Schools, kathas, nagar kirtans, programs etc. For someone living in the rural Prairies, or the North, or isolated small areas with different demographics, their influences will be different, friend group will look different, they may not have a Gurdwara in the community, and their hobbies will be different. I remember as a kid really having a strong feeling of togetherness within our Sikh community. Everyone knew everyone, you helped each other, you attended the same programs, etc. because there weren’t that many families at that time. I think being in those types of communities helps you stay united and close knit even if you don’t have the big opportunities of a larger center. Also there was less of a barrier to just start up projects and make them happen. 

Personal choice also influences our values. As we get older, we develop our own value systems and start to distinguish those of our parents. In some families, that personal development of an independent value system might be squashed because even the idea of independence is more of a western value system. The traditional Punjabi model would be giving up individualism for the benefit of others. While the majority Caucasian youth in Canada encounter a rebellious phase this might look differently for a Punjabi family. Rather than being accepted as a phase of personal growth, it might be discouraged as bringing the individual away from the family. This looks different from family to family so I’ll give some examples. One day there was Sikh youth that solemnly said about another Sikh boy “he doesn’t have a choice. He’ll do the job his dad wants him to do. He’ll never be able to have his own dreams. He took Amrit like his family told him. He’ll marry who they want him to. He’ll live the life he is told to. What he wants doesn’t matter.” That really hit me in my gut, such a powerful statement about how some youth live in fear of what their families think. Can you really live for others forever? Didn’t we have this Canadian life for freedom? It raised a lot of questions about individualism vs. the good of the group. Sometimes there are youth that get so frustrated with the force of acting a certain way by their families that they start to reject their culture, Sikhi, parts of their identity that make them feel different from the majority. I remember one Sikh youth. Out of curiosity, I asked “Do you believe in Sikhi?”, and he replied “No. I’ve seen my parents do it. They aren’t happy. Gurdwaras aren’t of value. There is nothing there.” This was a young man, full flowing beard and paag. He expressed he wanted so much just let it all go, try something else. He had a deep resentment towards his family, his religion and culture. This speaks to value systems around identity. Some youth simply just split themselves into two different lives. One would be taken aback comparing the “Gurdwara” version of this individual, versus the “club” or even school version of this person. It raises questions about our integrated selves, can we be ourselves in all areas of our life? Certainly, I think there should be public and private parts of ourselves, as there are parts of us (our story, personality, spirit, being) that we would not volunteer to the world but save for those in our circle of trust. That is still an integrated person, it isn’t one that is two completely different versions of oneself in one setting and then another somewhere else. Ultimately we all make this choice of how much of our western culture and how much of our Punjabi one we incorporate into lives. We choose if we speak, read, or write Punjabi, do bhangra, eat makki and saag, and embrace our kurta pajamas or salwar kameez. How much do we do it- do we embrace these all the time, do we mix up, or do we just do none of it at all? Similar for Sikhi, we make a choice about drinking, doing drugs, smoking, and what our relationship is to Guru and God. To some extent, Waheguru writes some of that per our destiny; whether we are able to see past maya to understand the purpose of life and do sewa for the community. We have to also make a choice about how involved we are in our Sikhi. For some growing up is a time of re-awakening to how important it is to keep our cultural and religious traditions alive, to strengthen ties, and keep that going for the next generation. It might not be a traditional rebellion, but it is a rebellion of itself to choose one’s values and which ones you might think that western culture fits more for you. For example, the western value systems of truth and justice, and not having overtly corrupt judiciary systems, is one of the reasons people immigrate here. Over time families definitely also adjust and change their expectations. Maybe a Sikh youth becomes fully engrossed into Simran and carries his family across the world ocean with them. Maybe a Sikh youth chooses something completely non-traditional as a job and their parents learn that that’s not an issue. I think that bringing back conversations and being open to these discussions within our community is so important. 

Our education and our line of work also influences how we relate to our Sikhi and our culture. Any amount of post-secondary education gives us skills to critically think and shapes how we process information and solve problems. Jobs that deal with the public social issues (ex. people who work in the justice system, healthcare, social work, etc.) also show us a lot about what’s going on in society. It is more complex to apply the values of Sikhi to the understandings of these life issues. Normally people would just be applying them to their own life issues as they arose. When you are dealing with other people’s issues though you also have to find a way of rationalizing and figuring out a way on how you see that through the lens of Sikhi. We see the depths of human misery and sorrow, and that influences your daily conversations, what you hold close in your life, how grateful you are for what you have. We also get a perspective of how larger systems work from the inside and that changes how we process the world as well.

Lastly, I had a conversation with one of my non-Sikh friends, who is also South Asian and is about to get married. It became really obvious that when choosing a partner there are so many other layers that we, as a minority culture, are considering. We not only have to answer where we are on the spectrum of western and Punjabi values, how religious we are, etc. but also what we expect of our partners. It can be a major source of conflict when our values don’t match and that’s not something that can really be fixed after. For example, if you value kids and the other person is adamant they never want a child, that’s hard to resolve because it’s a value system issue. Traditionally the whole vichola system made it so that all that background work of cultural, religious balance, values, families etc. were pre-done before you ever met the person. Now as we meet our partners in person through our own destiny, or online, people are having to figure that all out themselves. You can’t get that just from swiping someone’s picture. You yourself are figuring out for a partner how much these value systems matter to you. How much does attractiveness and chemistry matter, spirituality, family, work, health, modesty, drinking alcohol, materialism, finances? Does it matter the person grew up in a similar or different setting, or grew up out of the country? Does it matter if they work in a similar field, or is it ok they have no concept of your job? Some things can be compromised but some value systems are ones that we hold tight and need to discuss and check in on early on. This is something that is just another factor in being a part of our generation- not only figuring out your own value system but also navigating that when choosing a partner. 

Today we talked about how the identities of being a second-generation Indo-Canadian varies, yet how we are bonded by our similarities growing up Punjabi families.