Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Happy Desi New Year!

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year! May this year inspire you to step forth on your spiritual journey and to escape the clutches of maya. May we be appreciative of all of God’s blessings and deepen in our love and devotion. I am hoping that everyone gets the chance to spend time in sadh sangat this year. We should remember at this time that our purpose in this lifetime is to meet God and to merge with Waheguru, we must follow the pillars of Sikhi. 


In the month of Chet, by meditating on the Lord of the Universe, a deep and profound joy arises.
Meeting with the humble Saints, the Lord is found, as we chant His Name with our tongues.
Those who have found God, blessed is their coming into this world.
Those who live without Him, for even and instant- their lives are rendered useless. 
The Lord is totally pervading the water, the land and all space. He is contained in the forests as well.
Those who do not remember God- how much pain must they suffer!
Those who dwell upon their God have great good fortune.
My mind years for the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan. O Nanak, my mind is so thirsty!
I touched the feet of one who unites me with God in the month of Chet. (Ang 133)

Chet is the start of the spring season (Basant) and here is a shabad by Bhai Siripal Singh Ji
  

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Celebrating International Women’s Day

It was International Women’s Day on Friday and I’ve been spending a couple of days thinking a little bit about the issues affecting Sikh and/or Punjabi women. We’ve previously talked a lot about issues like gender equality in Punjabi culture, intimate partner violence, workplace inequities, period stigma, and female feticide. We’ve also explored issues like self-confidence and self-doubt. It is this doubt that drives the beauty industry and keeps us caught up into something that practically, expends large amounts of time and energy with no long-term benefit in the journey of our soul.

We have so much to celebrate though, as we remember the strong and resilient women from our Sikh history. The word Kaur reminds me that I have an identity, I belong to the Guru and Guru Ji reminds me that I am equal. I am celebrating my ability as a Canadian to be able to embrace my culture and religion in doing things like kirtan and going to the Gurdwara, to be able to raise my children in my culture one day and to teach them my language. Certainly my mother did that for me and I will carry it on. 

There’s so many women in my life that I can celebrate, all for different reasons, because they inspire me deeply. I am humbled by their stories and honoured to know them because they are warriors. I loved this image I saw on pinterest (from All About Sikhism): “Why blend in when you were born to stand out.” Although there's a Singh pictured, I feel it also exemplifies all the women that have played important roles in my life because we were all born to stand out. These are women who have blossomed amongst destruction and despite all the challenges they faced, they embraced their ability to flourish. We still have a long way to go as a society, but I am really proud of everyone who is working towards creating an environment in our lives that is healthy and safe for women. 

Reference (images)
http://www.sikhpoint.com/editor-desk/sikhnet-focuses-lens-sikh-women/

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Sikh Artist

Please check out some of this amazing calligraphy work by Rupy C. Tut. I love the "Birds of Gurbani" collection. Its inspiring and beautiful.

https://www.artbyrupy.com

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Addictions

I recently went to a conference about addictions care which deeply changed my thinking. I challenged my assumptions, some of which I didn’t even realize I held. One o the biggest of these was that although I understood the role of pain in addictions, I still understood addictions to drugs as largely a choice. I realized my discomfort in this area was problematic as I tried to clarify a scientific from a societal view and a spiritual one, but this conference unified those for me. One of the speakers spoke about her own experience to recognizing how her background led her to have some stigma in her mind and her realization that it is ok to admit we were wrong in our thinking and realize that we can change our minds and grow in a new direction with our thinking. Even if our assumptions are not intentional and we do our best, they still pour into how we treat others. This contradicts what Guru Nanak Dev Jis taught us about loving all because we belong to God, about our practical teachings of langar. Creating a black and white “good and bad” world does not allow us to accept all in our hearts. Guru Ji helped those who were outcasts and ostracized from society because those were the people who needed the most loving and healing. I cannot treat a person equally if I am holding some deep assumption about them. Thus, we need to first realize and recognize these beliefs that we do hold, on whatever topics and start to address them. It is a process of learning and I have a lot to learn, but it is a great start to this journey.  

Dr. Gabor Maté is a family doctor who used to work on the Vancouver Downtown Eastside, an area where a massive number of people live with addictions on the streets. He also understands trauma from the perspective that he was born as a Jew in Nazi-occupied Budapest. He spoke at this conference and I’ll share some of what I learned from him. He defined an addiction as “any behaviour in which a person finds temporary pleasure, relief, and craving, but suffers long-term consequences and there is an inability or refusal to give it up.” Thus, an addiction is not just physical to a drug or alcohol but also exists for food, internet, video games, shopping or work. From his work and research, he describes that addictions are not simply a choice, nor simply explained as a genetic disease or mainly a disease of the brain (inheritance can cause a predisposition), but rather it is the attempt to solve a problem. Examples of these problems are “the problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self” (1). These are rooted in trauma. Hence one of the most important questions to ask is what this addiction does for them, what positive things are they getting from it that keeps it going. We can ask ourselves the same things of our own addictions. He writes “And universally, the answers are: ‘It helped me escape emotional pain… helped me deal with stress… gave me peace of mind… a sense of connection with others… a sense of control’”(1). Thus the addiction addressed the problem they were trying to resolve. The piece about trauma is important because we are used to recognizing trauma as abuse, but many other things are traumatic including bullying, spanking as a child, or parents with a mental health disorder. He states,
“Finally, a word about childhood trauma and its relation to addiction and the use of opioids. When people see this word, they often— perhaps naturally—assume that we are speaking of terrible events, such as abuse, sexual exploitation, the death of parents, violence in the home, and so on. And surely, as the research abundantly shows, the more such experiences a child has to endure, the exponentially greater his or her risk of addiction. But trauma is not restricted to horrific experiences. It refers to any set of events that, over time, impose more pain on the child than his or her sensitive organism can process and discharge. Therefore, trauma can occur not only when bad things happen, but also when the parents are too stressed, too distracted, too depressed, to beset by economic worry, too isolated, etc. to respond to a sensitive child’s emotional need to be seen, emotionally held, heard, validated, made to feel secure. Such is the reality behind many a story of ‘happy childhood.’ In fact, the denial of one’s pain, the splitting off of distress from conscious memory, is one of the outcomes of trauma. As the astute trauma pioneer Peter Levine has written, ‘Trauma has become so commonplace, that most people don’t even recognize its presence” (1). 
This point is vital because for my generation for example, anyone whose parents immigrated can understand that of course our parents were stressed trying to learn how to operate within an entirely different culture and raise their children, they were worried for us, and they did have concerns about finances. As a society we have also suffered much trauma in a post-911 world. Dr. Maté talks about how the body has an implicit memory influenced by its past, things we cannot recall but our body remembers for example we are influenced by the time we spend in our mother’s womb. Moreso, he explored that trauma is a reaction to an event, rather than the event itself, it is the disconnection from ourselves that occurs. So he explains that although saying no helps a proportion of children stay away from drugs, another group will not listen because they are sensitized from their trauma and the approach needs to be different. 

The most moving part of Dr. Maté’s talk was actually an understanding that a person who is addicted is therefore a person who is in pain and is seeking a normal life- pleasure, love, comfort, joy, and to ask them to simply say no is to ask them not to have all of these things in their life. How would we ask someone to remove their love and comfort, especially without any coping strategies to deal with the overwhelming pain of what they wish to avoid. Instead, the stigma and jail time isolates and shames people wish pushes them further into their addictions. Furthermore after the horrifying number of deaths in this province from Fentanyl and the tears of the families that pour over their loved ones, one of the doctors explained how stigma also “hampers the public’s will to help.” How would we be acting differently if this was some sort of communicable disease spreading amongst the population instead of an overdose? This is a very sad reality and one of the reasons I wrote this post to share what I learned with others so we can all advocate for those lives, the very lives that are in our own homes.  

In “Alcohol in Punjabi Culture vs. Sikhism” we explored how our population is vulnerable due to addictions from traumas such as discrimination, language barrier, differences in values, as well as our intergenerational traumas from major events like the partition or 1984. We discussed how religious involvement is a protective factor to prevent addiction and help an individual out of it. In Sikhi we learn how to address our root of suffering, our separation from Waheguru, as well as coping strategies. These strategies are very much connected to what we discussed above about addressing trauma, as well as about the importance of destigmatizing, compassion and connection. Guru Ji relates “I cannot live for a moment, for even an instant, without my Beloved, like the opium addict who cannot live without opium.” This relates a deep understanding of addictions and how difficult they are to come out of. It also relates that we can have such a deep love for God. The Guru Granth Sahib Ji is our ultimate way to bring ourselves out of shame because we are all worthy of being free of pain and the disconnection from self that occurs in trauma. We are all worthy of joy, connection, love, and pleasure in our lives. If there's something I could pass on I would say do not deny your trauma, identify it and work on it. Gurbani heals from deep inside, the habits and things from many lifetimes that we carry with us, that we think are impossible to get rid of. When we address the underlying problems and what feeling is achieved from the addiction, we can get that feeling from elsewhere and the best place to get it from is Naam. Our youth are vulnerable and it is important to employ the best preventative strategies for teaching them coping skills and giving them connection in their lives as well. 

References: 

Great videos: 

Friday, March 1, 2019

Period Stigma

Why is it that we cover our faces when we are asked about our periods, and where does this shame, shyness, or embarrassment about our bodies comes from? I’m a woman and I have periods, this is simply the truth of my reality. I ask about menstruation without the blink of an eye everyday on my job, but I wonder why it is so hard to talk for myself? Menstruation is a topic with a lot of stigma and taboo in not only our Punjabi culture, but also all over the world in various countries, cultures, and religions. Having recently watched Period. End of Sentence and Pad Man I was inspired to learn more about period stigma (1,2). 

Consequences
One of the consequences of period stigma is that women are embarrassed like I pointed out above. Many sources described how we are taught and have it reinforced by advertisements that we need to be discrete about our periods and hide them (3). Chaunie Brusie writes “How many times have I hidden a tampon up my sleeve, toted a purse into a restaurant bathroom for no other reason than to hide a tampon, been mortified if someone knew I was on my period?” and “For every time I’ve hidden my box of tampons at the bottom of the cart at the store, or stacked it underneath my groceries on the conveyor belt, or furtively buried blood-stained underwear deep in the laundry basket before my husband could see them, I have shown, by actions that have spoken louder than words, that I am embarrassed by something that when you think about it, is actually a pretty good sign of health” (4). This is a common experience and Professor Ussher explains the effect “[This shame] not only affects how women feel about menstruation, but about how they feel about their bodies” (5). It is frustrating that western culture forces us to pretend like we don’t have our period and to be functioning the same as if my period is not a barrier to anything. Many women would relate how hard it is to be planning how many hours you'll be working away from a bathroom, trips around the timing of your period, clothing, having a purse around etc. For some women the pain or amount of bleeding can be debilitating to their functioning yet this is not recognized. 

Lack of education about the menstrual cycle and it’s purpose is an important consequence of period stigma in our culture. In Period. End of sentence. many of the women didn’t understand what their periods were, and the men were even less aware of what was going on (1). Studies say 82% of Indian girls don’t know about periods before their first period and 10% think it is a disease! (6). Professor Ussher states “‘A really high percentage of women told us they didn't know about menstruation before their first period, so they felt horror, they felt shock. Many women thought they were dying or that something was really wrong with them’” (5). I think the part about learning about our bodies isn’t done very well as women frequently don’t understand what their own cervix for cancer screening. Even when I think of the birthing process, I’m sure when people lived all together under one roof the younger girls and generation got to learn more about the delivery. This reminds me of one day when I met a Punjabi woman who was telling me that she had wished someone had educated her on her body. When she had actually “broken her waters” she thought she was simply having urinary incontinence that would not stop. She waited a dangerously long period of time before she went in to get help because she was so anxious. Rani Bang says, “Cultural perceptions such as colour of the menstrual blood govern their perception of what is normal and abnormal. They resist using sanitary napkin because it is difficult to dispose them off. They fear it might fall into the hands of someone who can use Jadu tona (black magic) against them” (7). I have noted this very often too, that despite the diversity of periods- in length, amount of bleeding, frequency, color, women have some preconceived ideas of what a normal period looks like. I wish we did a better job of educating women about their bodies, in all cultures, because in order to live a comfortably and safely, we need to know about our body’s processes. Without an open conversation, women who live in a culture that ostracizes them during their period or puts restrictions on their activities might see it as a punishment. Due patriarchal attitudes and lack of education, in many places around the world there is discrimination against women from being able to participate in certain activities. Restrictions vary from not being able to do the following: go in the kitchen, touch flowers, touch a pickle, go camping, take a bath, use tampons, be inside a home, shower with hot water, dance, go to the pool, or cradle babies for example (8). In Nepal women used to be sent out to live in unclean and unsafe “huts” until a young woman died in 2017 which led to a change in laws (9).  

The consequences of menstrual stigma are far more serious than I had imagined. Women use unsafe methods in the place of menstrual pads or tampons due to affordability, access or other barriers. From the vast majority of products available to us nowadays from tampons, pads, period underwear, reusable cloth pads, or menstrual cups, it is disappointing that a large part of the female population in the world doesn’t have access to any of these. In both Period. End of Sentence. as well as Pad Man, it was discussed that it was difficult for women to purchase pads from male store owners, afford the products, or to find places to change their clothing at school (1,2). For many this means that they quit school altogether and lose a chance at the education that would take their lives out of poverty (1,2). Dhirendra Pratap Singh from Azadi notes “‘[M]isconceptions are passed on from mothers to daughters, causing an intergenerational cycle of poor hygiene practices. Fear and shame, coupled with inappropriate facilities for changing, washing, drying and disposal make it worse, leading to absence from school...’”(7). Using unsafe methods of stopping the bleeding are dangerous to a woman’s health. Swapna Mazumdar states “Close to 70 per cent of Indian women risk getting severe infections, at times causing death, due to poverty, ignorance and shame attached to their menstruation cycle” (7). Some of the methods used by women from India include ash, newspaper or scraps of cloth, and in the UK women were noted to be using menstrual products for longer than recommended due to these barriers (potentially putting women at risk for Toxic shock syndrome) (9). One woman from Australia shares her story, “While some women are open about their periods and see it as natural, letting the cloths dry on the washing line, other women see it as taboo. That’s when it becomes an issue, because women don’t let them dry properly—they hide them under the mattress and they get mold and bacteria” (10). There are concerns that disposable pads, even when available, are leading to pollution then are burned, filling up landfills or waterways (7). Kena Holkar gets to the root of the point when she explains that it isn’t the cloth itself that is the issue: “Use of cloth is fine if it is used with proper hygiene. The uncleanliness of the cloth is directly linked with the taboos associated with it as women are unable to dry it properly in the sun, as the taboos associated with it make it necessary to hide it. Therefore, there is a strong need of spaces for girls where they feel comfortable about their periods” (7). Thus the lack of education along with shame and stigma can lead to tragic consequences. 

Positive Directions
It is important for us to recognize and celebrate the work that is being done to provide education about menstruation, to provide access to menstrual products, as well some cultural traditions that actually celebrate women. In the domain of education, companies like Azadi, Goonj, and Menstrupedia provide education that helps to debunk myths (7). The man behind the movies Period. End of Sentence and Pad Man was Arunachalam Muruganantham who invented a pad-making machine that women would be able to run in their villages to earn a living and sell affordable, safe pads (1,2). There are many organizations also working towards providing access to menstrual products, such as Woman’s Worth Inc.’s Prison Project, #HappyPeriod for homeless women, and Pads4Girls (by Lunapads) which provides reusable washable pads (11,12). These programs recognize that access to expensive menstrual products is not just an issue abroad, but also locally here in Canada. Another positive step is that last September in India, the Supreme Court declared that there could be no discrimination on the basis of a woman’s menstruation and that women would be allowed inside the Sabarimala temple during their period (13). The Times of India states, “Justice Chandrachud said that treating menstruation as polluting or impure and imposing exclusionary disabilities on the basis of menstrual status is against the dignity of women which is guaranteed by the constitution. Appealing for a change of mindset of menstruation, he said practices which legitimise menstrual taboos limit the ability of menstruating women to attain the freedom of movement, the right of education and the right of entry to places of worship and, eventually, their access to the public sphere” (13). He went on to say “The stigma around menstruation has been built up around traditional beliefs in the impurity of menstruating women. They have no place in a constitutional order. These beliefs have been used to shackle women, to deny them equal entitlements and subject them to the dictates of a patriarchal order. The menstrual status of a woman cannot be a valid constitutional basis to deny her the dignity of being and autonomy of personhood… No body or group can use it as a barrier in a woman’s quest for fulfillment, including in her finding solace in the connect with the creator” (13).

Another positive was that I found some positive stories about cultural traditions as I was reading stories from around the world. One was of them is the Yurok Native Americans in which women take 10 days off a month away from the responsibilities of household chores towards her own meditation: “It was believed that a woman should seclude herself during her flow because ‘she is at the height of her powers’. Such time should not be wasted in mundane tasks, distractions or worries about the opposite sex. Rather, all her energies should be applied in concentrated meditation ‘to find out the purpose of your life’”(14). In the Kalasha people of Pakistan, there is a huge building in which women come together during their menstruation or delivering a child: “ [it is a ] physical centre for their solidarity and freedom. Women congregate here when menstruating or giving birth, so that at any one time there may be as many as 20 women inside, gossiping, laughing and singing together, many with babies and toddlers…The men express pride that in this society, ‘our women are free’, despite the fact that the bashali building is off-limits to them” (14).

Sikhism
Sikhi teaches us that equality for women means not having all of these restrictions that exist in other cultures and religions. Guru Nanak Dev Ji lived in a time where he observed some of the isolation and discrimination that occurred against women, calling them impure during their periods. On Ang 472 of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji this is explained, “As a woman has her periods, month after month, so does falsehood dwell in the mouth of the false; they suffer forever, again and again. They are not called pure, who sit down after merely washing their bodies. Only they are pure, O Nanak, within whose minds the Lord abides.” Guru Ji goes on: “If one accepts the concept of impurity, then there is impurity everywhere. In cow-dung and wood there are worms. As many as are the grains of corn, none is without life. First, there is life in the water, by which everything else is made green. How can it be protected from impurity? It touches our own kitchen. O Nanak, impurity cannot be removed in this way; it is washed away only by spiritual wisdom.” By also having this openly as part of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, we learn that periods are not something to be embarrassed about, they are part of our life and something we should be educated about. Interestingly I didn’t realize how much this wasn’t true for other religions. A paper in the International Journal of Social Science and Humanity written by Aru Bhartiya describes “All religions of the world have placed restrictions on menstruating women. Be it Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism or Buddhism. Sikhism is the only religion where the scriptures condemn sexism and don’t impose any restriction on menstruating women…Menstruating women are allowed to visit Gurudwaras (religious place of Sikhs) and offer prayer…Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh scripture) boldly rejects sexism. It affirms women’s creative and natural processes in the social fabric. It condemns the taboos surrounding menstruation and post-partum pollution. Rather, menstruation is regarded as an essential and natural process”(15). It is amazing how differently our Guru Jis taught us in comparison to other religions, in a humanistic way, to be accepting of this natural God-given process. Unfortunately the heavy influence of our cultures has caused us to be silenced, and to develop stigma that was supposed to have been removed if we had followed our Sikhi. 

I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can talk to other girls about cramps, or the fact that I’m so tired or emotional from my period. It’s a relief and comfort to be able to relate to other women and to get to share in this common life experience. Yet reading through these stories I realized how much silence comes from asking each other for a tampon or pad. I remember a friend who was supposed to be at work for 10 more hours and she secretively texted me to put some into her locker because she didn’t even want to be seen having me hand them to her. I think the world would be so different if we were able to just ask for what we need, to go to the store without sticking all these products at the bottom of your cart. Furthermore the stories of women in countries where their periods are stigmatized breaks my heart. The very process that allows us to create human life and the existence of humankind is supposed to be sacred, not a burden to women around the world. For men, use the role modelling of Muruganantham’s story and find ways to empower your partner, be more comfortable talking about this topic and even buying menstrual products for your partner. He overcame his entire village ostracizing and shaming him to create a machine to build the pads, just to keep his wife safe and comfortable. Sheetal Kumari states an important piece of education is not only to teach our girls but also to teach boys about “how their existence is because of menses which they need to understand and respect” (16). Let us build on some of the positive directions above and the teachings that Guru Ji gives us to rid ourselves of shame around menstruation and make it a celebration of our womanhood instead. 

References 
Period. End of sentence.. (2018). [film] Directed by R. Zehtabchi. India: Netflix.
Pad Man. (2018). [film] Directed by R. Balki. India: Sony.
Jupp, E. (2015). PERIODS: THE MENSTRUATION TABOO THAT WON'T GO AWAY. [online] The Independent. Available at: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/we-need-to-talk-about-periods-9638267.html [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Brusie, C. (2016). I'm 29 Years Old and Still Embarrassed By My Period. [online] Babble. Available at: https://www.babble.com/body-mind/im-29-years-old-and-still-embarrassed-by-my-period/ [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Willis, O. (2017). Breaking the menstrual taboo that still holds women back. [online] ABC News. Available at: https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2017-09-30/menstrual-cycle-taboo-holds-women-back/8996526 [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Kasera, S. and Begum, S. (n.d.). Silence, Shame and Stigma around Menstruation. [online] Video Volunteers. Available at: https://www.videovolunteers.org/silence-shame-and-stigma-around-menstruation-2 [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Holkar, K. (2019). Exploration Of The Foundation Of Menstrual Taboos Along The Lines Of Culture And Religion And Its Implications On The Development Of Women. Students’ Journal of Education and Development, [online] pp.59-66. Available at: http://apfstatic.s3.ap-south-1.amazonaws.com/s3fs-public/Exploration%20of%20the%20Foundation%20of%20Menstrual%20Taboos%20along%20the%20Lines%20of%20Culture%20and%20Religion%20and%20its%20Implications%20on%20the%20Development%20of%20Women.pdf [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Helloclue.com. (2017). 36 superstitions about periods from around the world. [online] Available at: https://helloclue.com/articles/culture/36-superstitions-about-periods-from-around-world [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
Espada, M. (2018). Period Taboo Around the World. [online] Teen Vogue. Available at: https://www.teenvogue.com/story/period-taboo-around-the-world [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
10 Johns, J., Abber, C. and Abi-Najem, N. (2016). Around the World in 28 Periods. [online] Women's Health. Available at: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a19974024/periods-around-the-world/ [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
11 Mercado, M. (2019). 10 Organizations That Provide Menstrual Products For People Who Need Them & How You Can Help. [online] Bustle. Available at: https://www.bustle.com/p/10-organizations-that-provide-menstrual-products-for-people-who-need-them-how-you-can-help-45116 [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
12Lunapads (2019). Available at: https://lunapads.ca/pages/pads4girls
13 Choudhary, A. (2018). Social and religious stigma on menstruation must go, it is a form of untouchability: SC - Times of India. [online] The Times of India. Available at: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/social-and-religious-stigma-on-menstruation-must-go-it-is-a-form-of-untouchability-sc/articleshow/65997222.cms [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
14 Power, C. (2017). If the body isn't sacred, nothing is: why menstrual taboos matter | Camilla Power. [online] the Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/feb/11/if-the-body-isnt-sacred-nothing-is-why-menstrual-taboos-matter [Accessed 2 Mar. 2019].
15 Bhartiya, A. (2013). Menstruation, Religion and Society. International Journal of Social Science and Humanity, [online] pp.523-527. Available at: http://www.ijssh.org/papers/296-B00016.pdf.
16Kumari, S. (2017). SOCIAL, CULTURAL AND RELIGIOUS PRACTICES DURING MENSTRUATION. Jharkhand Journal of Development and Management Studies, [online] 15(3). Available at: https://www.xiss.ac.in/JJDMS/Vol15/Issue3/pdf/Social,%20Cultural%20and%20Religious%20Practices%20during%20Menstruation.pdf.