Prakash Divas of Guru Nanak Dev Ji!

Nov 30th will be celebrating the 551st Prakash Divas of Guru Nanak Dev Ji! Although we are in special times of no in person celebrations, we can find ways to celebrate in our hearts and homes. Guru Ji taught us the key main concepts of Naam Japna, Kirat Karni and Vand Shakna (remembrance of God, earn and honest living, and share what you earn). They communicated in simple language so everyone could understand, not just those who had a formal education which was a contrast to the norms of the time. They also travelled and did kritan to teach people these daily messages. Guru Ji taught a grist marag, that a person can live as a householder and work hard to earn your livings, while having a spiritual life at the same time. This is different than when Jogis at the time used to travel away in the mountains to meditate. Guru Ji wrote Japji Sahib, Asa Di Vaar, Baran Mah, Sidh Gosht, and Dakhni Onkaar, and was loved by both Hindus and Muslims for spreading a universal message.

Guru Nanak Dev Ji was born to Hindu parents Mehta Kalu and Mata Tripta in 1469 in Talwandi (now Nankana Sahib in Pakistan). Although Guru Ji was born April 15, the birth date is celebrated on the full moon in November. He had an older sister named Bibi Nanaki. At this location now sits Gurdwara Janam Asthan, also known as Nankana Sahib. Previously the town had been named “Talvandi Rai Bhoe” named after a Muslim Rajput whose descendant Rai Bular was a disciple of Guru Ji. Guru Ji spent 16 years here. Gurdwara Bal Leela was originally built by Rai Bular and is where Guru Nanak Dev Ji played with friends, and led them in meditation. Below left is Gurdwara Janam Asthan, Nankana Sahib and right is Gurdwara Bal Leela. 

Guru Ji’s unique path became apparent at a young age when he learned at an unprecedented rate and impressed his teachers. The site of present-day Gurdwara Patti Sahib is where Guru Nanak Dev Ji was supposed to learn from Pandit Gopal Das. One day the Pandit asked Guru Ji why he wasn’t learning the way he wanted, Guru Ji said: “O respected Senior! (Let me) Learn to write the account in such a fashion, that when your life’s account is reviewed, it will bring Full Marks (of Truth – being debt free).” The Pandit told Mehta Kalu he could no longer teach Guru Ji, as Guru Ji would teach all of humankind. Guru Ji taught the pandit the spiritual meaning of each letter, which is now found in the Guru Granth Sahib. Guru Ji also refused to tie the ceremonial thread, which is tied per Hindu tradition. Without this thread, the boy is considered of the lowest caste and is not allowed to read holy texts. Different threads are worn by different castes, whereas women are not allowed to wear one. It is supposed to also protect one against gods/goddesses. At the age of 9 Guru Ji questioned the priest as to why women were not allowed to get the janeau, and pointed out that the janeau is discriminatory and we should not divide people among castes. He pointed out that such a physical thread cannot help us achieve our purpose. 

At age 13, Mehta Kalu sent Guru Ji to graze cattle. One day while Guru Ji was meditating under a tree, the buffalo and cattle started grazing wherever and fed on the neighbour’s fields. The neighbour was angry and woke up Guru Ji. Guru Ji stated that God would bless the fields. The farmer went to get Rai Bular to show him, who sent his men to investigate but when they arrived the fields were all green again! This is the site of present day Gurdwara Kyara Sahib. One day while grazing the cattle and buffalo, Guru Ji again rested under a shady Mall tree and meditated. As the sun moved, it came over Guru Jis face. A cobra arrived and spread its hood over Guru Jis face, shading it from the son. Rai Bular saw this event and came over, then the snake disappeared to its pit. This is the site of present day Gurdwara Mall Ji Sahib and the tree has been preserved. 

When Guru Ji was 18, he was sent by his father to the city to make a profit with 20 rupees (a lot of money back then!). Mehta Kalu thought that maybe his son would be a successful businessman since cattle grazing hadn't worked out. Guru Ji left with Bhai Mardana (some sources say this was Bhai Bala), to Chooharkhaana, which has a large marketplace. As they were walking on the way, there was a village full of diseased and starving individuals. Guru Ji told Bhai Mardana that nothing would be more profitable than feeding and clothing them, and thus this is the true beginnings of langar. (The accounts from story books from when I was little said that it was a group of sadhus that was fed, but rather this version is actually is more consistent with Gurbani and is described by discover sikhism. It is also orally passed down from local Muslims). Bhai Mardana then went to the village and told Mehta Kalu, who was angry and went and found Guru Ji at the site of present day Gurdwara Tambu Sahib. Mehta Kalu slapped Guru Ji but Bebe Nananki intervened. This is the sight of present day Gurdwara Sacha Soudha. 

Later on Mehta Kalu sent Guru Ji to Sultanpur Lodhi to work. He spent 14 years here prior to travelling on the Udaasis. His brother-in-law Jai Ram found him a job as a modi at the Nawab’s modi khana (in charge of the supplies store). When weighing grain, Guru Ji got to the number 13 (tera also meaning Tera- Yours, I am Yours God) and Guru Ji started meditating Tera, Tera, Tera. The customers received so much they couldn’t even carry it out! Nawab Daulat Khan heard what happened and charged the Guru but when they investigated, the storage was all full, and there was a surplus of grain, rather than having any missing. These stones are preserved at Gurdwara Sri Hatt Sahib. Guru Ji then went on to marry Mata Sulakhani. Instead of marrying around a fire, Guru Ji wrote Ik Onkaar and they married around that paper (Shabad Guru). They went onto have two children at Sultanpur Lodhi, Sri Chand and Lakhmi Das. Guru Ji went on to meet Bhai Mardana, who was born from a Muslim family. He joined Guru Ji on his travels (Udaasis), and played the rabab as Guru Ji sang shabads. 

Guru Ji bathed daily in the Bein river. One day in 1499 Guru Ji disappeared into the river and returned out after 3 days at the location of Sant Ghat Sahib. When Guru Ji emerged, he said “Na Ko Hindu, Na Ko Musalmaan”- “There is no Hindu, there is no Muslim”, meaning that everyone is the same according to God. Guru Ji was respected by all religions and travelled extensively spreading messages of honesty, equality between men and women, and speaking out against the caste system. 

Guru Ji went on 4 Udaasis. These were very long travels by foot. The first Udaasi was from 1500-1506 (widespread areas which would include what is present-day Pakistan, India and Bangladesh), the second from 1506-1513 (all the way from Pakistan, down to present-day Southern India and Sri Lanka), third from 1514 to 1518 (in present-day areas such as Tibet, Nepal and Myanmar), and last from 1518 to 1521 (present-day Africa, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, Afganistan, Istanbul, Syria, etc.). There are great maps and details here. https://www.arcgis.com/apps/Cascade/index.html?appid=991638adf2024fa8b3508be190e0db25 Certainly this teaches us we should keep up in our physical fitness, but also to do parchar and spread the word of God, as well as to have conversations with sangat of all backgrounds to learn from them and to share as well. When I was travelling through Pakistan I was imagining what amazing scenery Guru Ji must have walked through, from deserts to lush greenery. 

On his travels, Guru Ji met Bhai Lalo. Bhai Lalo lived in Saidpur (Eminabad) and was a carpenter. Malik Bhago was a rich man who invited Guru Ji to stay in his house, but Guru Ji declined and stayed with Bhai Lalo. This angered Malik Bhago who summoned Guru Ji a second time. He told Guru Ji that he was dishonoring the Kshatriyas by eating at the house of a carpenter. It was here that Guru Ji asked Bhai Lalo to bring a plate of food and Malik Bhago to bring a plate. When he squeezed the food of Bhai Lalo, it poured milk whereas that of Malik Bhago poured blood, showing him that he was earning his living dishonestly but getting it from the poor (“sucking the blood of the poor”). Bhai Lalo’s house was first a dharamsala then became a Gurdwara named after the Khuhi (well), Gurdwara Khuhi Bhai Lalao.  

Guru Nanak Dev Ji often emphasized that we should not be stuck in rituals but rather be true to their religion. For example, he observed people throwing the water from the Ganges towards the sun to reach their ancestors and he started throwing it in the opposite direction, claiming that if their water reached the ancestors then his should reach his fields in Punjab. 

At site of present day Gurdwara Guru Ki Ber, Guru Ji met a Muslim Fakir named Hamza Gaus, in Sialkot. He cast a spell on the city since someone did not follow through on their promise to give the Pir their first-born son. Guru Ji came and broke the spell with his shabad. He showed the Pir it was unjust for him to punish the whole city for the wrongdoing of one man. He showed the Pir that forgiveness is an important principle. 

Guru Ji travelled to Mecca. One well-known Sakhi from Guru Ji’s travels here is that Guru Ji fell asleep with his feet pointed towards Kaaba. A Qazi was enraged, and questioned why he had his feet turned this way. Guru Ji asked him to turn his feet to whichever direction God was not, as the Qazi moved his feet, he saw Kaaba in all directions! The Qazi realized that God was in all directions. This is recorded in Bhai Gurdaa Ji’s Vaaran (Var 1: 32).

In 1521 Guru Nanak Dev Ji and Bhai Mardana arrived in Hasan Abdal and started doing kirtan which attracted many locals. This created jealousy in Wali Qandhari, who was used to having this attention from the locals and owned the only water supply. He purposefully cut off the supply so people would return to him. Guru Ji sent Bhai Mardana three times to ask Wali Qandhari for water for the villagers but Wali Qandhari rudely refused, and asked him to ask his Master (Guru Nanak). Guru Ji asked everyone to remember God, and asked the villagers to push away an embedded rock, when suddenly, a fountain of water sprang from it! Wali Qandhari’s fountain dried up, and he he became angry, throwing a giant rock down from the hill towards Guru Ji. Guru Ji stopped the rock with his hand, leaving the imprint. Seeing this, Wali became a follower of the Guru. This rock still stands and you can touch the imprint of Guru Ji at Gurdwara Panja Sahib. 

Babar’s army invaded Punjab in 1521 when Guru Nanak Dev Ji was in Eminabad (called Saidpur at the time). When the town was captured, Guru Ji was amongst those captured. At that time Guru Ji was staying at present-day Gurdwara Rori Sahib with Bhai Lalo, and lying on a hard surface of pebbles. After Guru Ji was held prisoner by Babar, he was forced to grind corn using a chakki (millsone). Guru Ji’s chakki ran on it’s own while he sang kirtan! The corn was to feed the Mughal troops. They told Babar, who came and asked for forgiveness. Guru Ji challenged Babar’s injust actions and told him that those who are cruel suffer. Babar then released Guru Ji and 11,111 other prisoners. This is the site of present day Gurdwara Chakki Sahib. 

Guru Ji stayed at Kartarpur for 18 years as a householder, cultivating the land with his parents, wife, and sons. Kartarpur became the first Sikh center. Guru Ji started langar here using locally grown food served by the sangat. Sarans were built, and Guru Ji sang Gurbani and delivered katha. This was also where Guru Ji appointed Bhai Lehna (Guru Angad Dev Ji) as his successor. Guru Ji merged with God at Kartarpur. After this, Hindus and Muslims argued about what should be done with Guru Ji’s body (cremation or burial). They decided that flowers would be placed on Guru Ji’s body, whoevers were found to be withered the next day would lose but when the sheet was removed, the body was missing and the flowers were all fresh. The communities divided the sheet, and the Muslims buried it while the Hindus cremated it. Thus per Hindu tradition there is a Samadh in the Gurdwara, and a grave as per Muslim tradition.  

Guru Ji guided people back to their purpose when they were lost in ritualism, kaam, krodh, lob, moh and hankaar. We should reconnect ourselves back to that purpose. It is hugely important for us to go back to our roots and learn starting from Ik Onkaar. They are so many ways we can grow and connect through our Sikhi, and once you start on that path you fall in love and it will propel you forward. If you don’t know where to start, start reading the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, sit in sangat, discuss and meet with sangat, reflect, listen to kathas from Nanak Naam, Basics of Sikhi, Sikhnet, Mysimran.info and Prabh Milne Ka Chao; read a bit of history; start doing simran, incorporate Sikhi into your living life. You can really start from any of those places or a variety of others. It is vital that as you grow, you share your learnings with those around you and spread the message of Sikhi. When you discuss with others, you also realize where there may be more questions that arise and gaps in your knowledge. 

ਸੁਣੀ ਪੁਕਾਰਿ ਦਾਤਾਰ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਗ ਮਾਹਿ ਪਠਾਇਆ || ਚਰਨ ਧੋਇ ਰਹਰਾਸਿ ਕਰਿ ਚਰਣਾਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਸਿੱਖਾਂ ਪੀਲਾਇਆ || ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਪੂਰਨ ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਕਲਿਜੁਗ ਅੰਦਰ ਇਕ ਦਿਖਾਇਆ || ਚਾਰੇ ਪੈਰ ਧਰਮ ਦੇ ਚਾਰਿ ਵਰਨ ਇਕ ਵਰਨੁ ਕਰਾਇਆ || ਰਾਣਾ ਰੰਕ ਬਰਾਬਰੀ ਪੈਰੀ ਪਵਣਾ ਜਗਿ ਵਰਤਾਇਆ | ਉਲਟਾ ਖੇਲੁ ਪਿਰੰਮ ਦਾ ਪੈਰਾਂ ਉਪਰਿ ਸੀਸ ਨਿਵਾਇਆ || ਕਲਿਜੁਗ ਬਾਬੇ ਤਾਰਿਆ ਸਤਿਨਾਮੁ ਪੜ੍ਹਿ ਮੰਤ੍ਰ ਸੁਣਾਇਆ || ਕਲਿ ਤਾਰਣਿ ਗੁਰੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਆਇਆ ||੨੩|| ਵਾਰ ੧ ||

The Provider Lord listened to the cries (of humanity), Guru Nanak descended into this world. 
Washing His feet and praising God, he got his Sikhs to drink the ambrosial nectar (of humility). 
In this Dark Age, he showed all gods to be just one. 
The four feet of Dharma, the four castes were converted into one. 
Equality of the King and beggar, he spread the custom of being humble. 
Reversed is the game of the beloved; the egotist high heads bowed to the feet. 
Baba Nanak rescued this Dark Age; read ‘satnam’ and recited the mantra. 
Guru Nanak came to redeem this Dark Age of Kaljug.  Bhai Gurdas - Vaar 1 pauri 23

References

http://www.theworldofgurunanak.com/guru-nanak-dev-ji.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Guru_Nanak

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/gurus/nanak1.html

http://www.sikhs.org/guru1.htm

http://www.ibtimes.com/guru-nanaks-birthday-2014-3-things-you-need-know-about-sikh-holiday-1720042

www.searchsikhism.com 

Sikhmusic.com

desicomments.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guru_Nanak

https://www.eventshigh.com/detail/delhi/2b528793c6229cf59c9b8969c98c1bbd-prakash-purab-guru-nanak-dev 

Book: Illustrated Life Stories of Guru Sahibs’-- I do highly recommend this book for kids and adults! 

Independence

5 years ago, I clipped my wings and became a caged bird. My big dreams became smaller and smaller, lost to the sangat influencing me. I swallowed my disappointment and convinced myself to sacrifice and compromise as necessary. Initially I gave up what I desired and eventually gave up things I actually needed. I wondered why my paintbrush no longer spoke to me. Why my fingers refused to play shabads. I trusted those in my sangat, those around me, to be there for me like I was there for them, this sacrifice and compromise had to be for something. They encroached more and more on my decisions, so what was the point of dreaming big anymore when I no longer had a choice. Maybe the toxicity surrounding me, made me think that it was no longer possible for me to achieve those things anymore. 

The one thing that grew and grew over the years was my connection to Waheguru, listening to Naam and the never ending stream of guidance. While my dreams shrunk, what grew was my protection from my Guru. I learned to walk this mind’s journey and that this piece is untouchable to anyone. I learned that the freedom that comes from jot parkash, tasting Amrit Ras, Naam, is so individual that no one can get in the way and the more I walked the path, the less influence there would be of maya. This mind travelled 8.4 million lifetimes, we don’t need to be attached to others. I learned that there will be times that no one is there for you. I followed my heart, and God gave me protection and my destiny. I used to think that by toxic people spending time around someone who spoke the language of God, that they would change, that sangat works both ways, and their minds would slowly be influenced. What I learned was that this was not their destiny to fly, and neither was it mine to have to carry them. 

 

What is independence? I think dependence is when you fully rely on life’s scenarios to feel good. In bad times you feel bad. In good times you feel good. You don’t have any ability to weather the storm. I think dependence is when your mind depends on other people to tell you what comes next and you follow, you don’t critically think for yourself, you don’t make your own decisions, you don’t lead and start a new path and a new way. I refuse to be a sheep when we come from a line of lions and lionesses. I trained in a system that trains you to be a robot, to lose your compassion over time and lose your individuality, and eventually just to be stone-hearted to whatever shows up. I spent the last seven years of my life maintaining my integrity, love and compassion through that. No matter what, I wasn’t going to let anyone take away my empathy. My job has taught me that my decisions fall on me, there is no one else to blame and the same is true in life. I left the first job I took after graduation because I wasn’t being respected. I spent two years putting my neck on the line doing the right thing to advocate and fight for what was right, even though it had heavy consequences for me. It was a fight no one else was willing to fight but my moral compass didn’t let me leave it alone. It worked, and it was a big win that taught me that I need to follow that compass no matter what. 

 

Today I am realizing to do the things I need to do, I will have to step up and take more risks and be more vulnerable. It is hard to accomplish anything in life without risk. The lesson I have learned is that we need to be very careful how our sangat can subtly affect us. I didn’t know my wings were clipped. One day a Christian friend said, “you are an angel but your wings have grown too big for this place.” Now I am free of a cage that was not necessary. I am free to dream however big I wish to, without any burden to carry anyone else with me. I am challenged to dream bigger, do better, to stretch my imagination even more and picture a future so big that I can’t fathom. Other people have told me my whole life that my destiny was bigger than I have known. Universally, any spiritual person that has met me has told me to be careful of my sangat, and to continue on this path, something is written that I do not know. I am now growing, regardless of who is around now, what is happening, no matter what I will follow this dream and grow. It cannot be for someone else. It must be the self-expression of the soul finally escaping the barriers that stopped it from growing. The heaviness on my chest of having to live a life according to other people’s rules and stifle my creativity, and give up all my talents and have them just die away, is gone. The only time I went repelling down a cliff, I stood on the edge, my 12 year old self, terrified and refused to go down. The man helping me told me, "don't worry, this is the hardest part, just jump." It is time for me to jump now. I have spent far too long standing at the hardest part wondering if I was capable. The nightmares are gone and life has just started. 

Remember what the women would sing when they were being tortured by Mir Mannu: "Mannu is our sickle, We the fodder for him to mow, The more he cuts, the more we grow." 

Pap Kamavadiya Tera Koi Na Beli Raam

Bihaagraa, Fifth Mehl, Chhant:

Why are you imbued with the love of another? That path is very dangerous.

O sinner, no one is your friend.

No one shall be your friend, and you shall forever regret your actions.

You have not chanted with your tongue the Praises of the Sustainer of the World; when will these days come again?

The leaf, separated from the branch, shall not be joined with it again; all alone, it falls on its way to death.

Prays Nanak, without the Lord's Name, the soul wanders, forever suffering.

You are practicing deception secretly, but the Lord, the Knower, knows all.

When the Rightenous Judge of Dharma reads your account, you shall be squeezed like a sesame seed in the oil press.

for the actions you committed, you shall suffer the penalty; you shall be consigned to countless reincarnations.

Imbued with the love of Maya, the great enticer, you shall lose the jewel of the human life.

Except for the One Name of the Lord, you clever in everything else.

Prays Nanak, those who have such pre-ordained destiny are attracted to doubt and emotional attachment. 

No one advocates for the ungrateful person, who is separated from the Lord.

The hard-hearted Messenger of Death comes and seizes him.

He seizes him, and leads him away, to pay for his evil deeds; he was imbued with Maya, the great enticer.

He was not Gurmukh - he did not chant the Glorious Praises of the Lord of the Universe; and now, the hot irons are put to his chest.

He is ruined by sexual desire, anger and egotism; deprived of spiritual wisdom, he comes to regret.

Prays Nanak, by his cursed destiny he has gone astray; with his tongue, he does not chant the Name of the Lord. ||3||

Without You, God, no one is our savior.

It is Your Nature, Lord, to save the sinners.

O Savior of sinners, I have entered Your Sanctuary, O Lord and Master, Compassionate Ocean of Mercy.

Please, rescue me from the deep, dark pit, O Creator, Cherisher of all hearts.

I seek Your Sanctuary; please, cut away these heavy bonds, and give me the Support of the One Name.

Prays Nanak, please, give me Your Hand and save me, O Lord of the Universe, Merciful to the meek. ||4||

That day is judged to be fruitful, when I merged with my Lord.

Total happiness was revealed, and pain was taken far away.

Peace, tranquility, joy and eternal happiness come from constantly singing the Glorious Praises of the Sustainer of the World.

Joining the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, I lovingly remember the Lord; I shall not wander again in reincarnation.

He has naturally hugged me close in His Loving Embrace, and the seed of my primal destiny has sprouted.

Prays Nanak, He Himself has met me, and He shall never again leave me. ||5||4||7||

I think Waheguru only propels those forward to change and grow who are destined to complete this life cycle and merge into Waheguru. Those engrossed in maya will enjoy life here but will suffer again for 8.4 million reincarnations. Those destined to overcome will bring others with them out of that cycle of suffering, but it is a rare person who understands that.  

 

People pay for their karms, Guru Ji states: "O sinner, no one is your friend. No one shall be your friend, and you shall forever regret your actions." In the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, it says multiple times that people reap what they sow. Your actions to hurt another come back to you, in one way or another. Guru Ji makes it very clear in this shabad what happens to those who hurt others- psychologically, physically, emotionally or otherwise. What I have realized is suffering yourself doesn't take away from the person who performed the action that inflicted the suffering. You can be upset, and hurt, and angry, but the other person is not going to be upset by your feelings. It is better to just enjoy your life fully, to strut it, to live it to the max, and that means not in a maya way but in a deep, spiritual way. God will complete that karma for them. Guru Ji said for those people, "the soul wanders, forever suffering." Betrayal, people not being accountable for their actions, disrespect, not apologizing gets people more and more suffering for lifetimes to come. "When the Righteous Judge of Dharma reads your account, you shall be squeezed like a sesame seed in the oil press. For the actions you committed, you shall suffer the penalty; you shall be consigned to countless reincarnations." Those who are Gurmukhs know that this is not theoretical, this is not just something Guru Ji is saying but is a reality- we know this from the stories of the Gurus and the reincarnations of souls in those sakhis. We know that people really do pay for what they have done, both in this lifetime and the lifetimes to come. They can break those karms by asking for forgiveness, by making amends, by correcting their ways to those they wronged. I think not everyone has that in them. As much as I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, not everyone has it in them to be accountable, to apologize, to recognize their mistakes, to not continue to be harmful and destructive individuals. They will continue to spread pain. I used to wait for that apology, and wait for that understanding. I was patient that people do the right thing, no they don't always do the right thing. In fact some people just continue to hurt you more. I am realizing that to protect others you do have to reveal their nature and speak the truth. Sometimes we hold it out, out of loyalty, respect, peace and kindness. Out of the love of not wanting to hurt people, out of the feeling that you don't want to harm relationships. Sometimes it is the right thing to do, not to hurt another back. Silence isnt always right, I think we should not speak to hurt another back or for revenge but rather speak in our free minds to tell our story so others learn. Some bridges are meant to be burnt, and if another burns them then we have nothing to lose anymore anyways. We shouldn't back down from protecting others from harm. People who don't apologize and who do harm, surely will get what is due to them in the court of God. At the same time, we have a role here in our Sikhi to do right and to not keep protecting them out of some false sense of loyalty, like some mothers keep covering up that their sons are not involved in gangs. Those who spread rumors and hurt others will get what is due to them. I am sure of it. Those who destroy the heart of someone sweet, and loving, and an agent of God, those who break the hearts of those who care, those who break the hearts of those who are sants, and angels in this world, those who break the hearts of those who sacrifice and give, are doomed to a reality that they themselves will receive everything they give to others and suffer the consequences. Those who hurt others, get what they deserve. Mark my words, those who do this will regret and repent. It is the law of the world. History has shown us. Guru Ji has told us. Their only chance is to make it up to those they have hurt. We do not know who is an angel (devi), a sant in this world, who hears the shabads of Naam, who sees Jot Parkash, who is united into God. Hurting that person, will result in great harm to ourselves and any world uttered by that person comes true. Hurting that person, God himself comes down to inflict the punishment. God protects his servants. That punishment can happen slowly over time revealing itself. Guru Ji even says "Those who make friendships with the wicked, and harbor animosity to the saints, shall drown with their families and their entire lineage shall be obliterated." Animosity to the saints aren't just those sants we see on TV, they are regular people whose hearts are imbued with God. If you slander anyone, you will experience that pain. 

For some people, God gives dukh as a means of quickly paying off past karms, so that we can quickly achieve Mukhti. If you are close to mukhti and you have done a lot of simran jap, that is the way to move you closer and pay everything off. It is not interpreted by those Gurmukhs as a dukh at at all and usually they get that illness and merge into the light. They simply accept it as the will of God. For others, dukh is actually the enacting of karma. They suffer through and the dukh will only increase. One day an Aunty said in Punjabi to me "there is a greh upon my home." She had multiple examples and complaints including getting hurt. The curse was not the new home being built itself, it was her karm coming back to her and to her family. That destiny had a narrow opportunity for change, by someone coming to the family to uplift the home, do simran and kirtan, and help them all cross, to take them out of the future I knew that was written for them. I actually tried to do my best to help change that, but some people cannot be helped and some situations are written by God. God wrote it such that they were supposed to reap what they sowed. There was a fork in the road for her, and she chose to continue to hurt others. That destiny was written permanently by her own continued selection of the path she chose. For most people, it is too late by the time they realize their mistake years down the line and reflect that they should have righted the wrongs before all this happened. Apai Beej, Ape He Khao. It is not those who are protected by God, who serve God who will lose sleep, it is those who have wronged others and are worried about the truth of their actions revealed who will stay up worrying that the truth will come out. The truth never hides, it is documented in peoples daily writings, and meetings and various other ways, it is written spiritually and it is undeniable. I say that as someone who has their whole life documented and cross corroborated in various places for the sake of protection of the truth. It lives on no matter what. 

photo credit: facebook

The Sherni Speaks

I used to be afraid of speaking up or causing a stir. I guess I believed that there is something to be lost because ego convinces us that we have something to lose. That the community will talk. This independent mind will create too many problems. In many ways, I kept myself limited to a very specific box, of what I was allowed to express because there’s certain ways of being and no matter what I felt or thought, I had to live in those ways of being. I didn’t want to be seen as dramatic, emotional, bossy, expressive, sensitive. I would stand by patiently pulling myself through, being mindful of how I present myself. I was afraid that if I spoke, the kindness and grace, the love and forgiveness would regress, and my voice would make a monster. 

Guru Ji says, “Some speak good of me, and some speak ill of me, but I have surrendered my body to You.” At some point in life, we realize that disappointment of the fact that other people aren’t around when you needed them. I distinctly remember this moment of severe isolation one day when I was admitted to the hospital, and no one was allowed to visit. I locked myself in the bathroom and dropped to the floor and just fell apart. I wanted more than anything to be held. It was ultimately simran, Guru’s word that really allowed me to pick myself up. Gurbani tells us about that reliance on the Divine during these moments in life. 

 

When we are fearful of speaking, we stunt our mind. Naam, Truth, speaks constantly. That vibration is never ending. For us to be nirbhou, without fear, we must stop restricting ourselves. To do an action out of fear is much different than to do an action out of love. To speak with sweetness and grace because you are afraid of what others think, is different than speaking out of grace because you experience the love of Waheguru everywhere. To be nirbhou means that the control of what will other people think and say will be destroyed. The Gurus made change by speaking against things which were happening at the time, by changing what others thought. Speaking up can actually change our homes and our communities. 

 

The voice is powerful. It can resonate on a level that is a Divine experience, when listening to or singing a shabad. It can also let the 5 take over and burn everything down, it can be monstrous. I have learned to use this voice for things that come out of love. I have learned to use this voice to unify. I have learned to use this voice to challenge others in a good way, to be ground-breaking, to break down the walls of the box in which is expected. I will not speak in ways that attack or hurt others but I am learning each day, to be less and less afraid of causing a stir, and more and more to stand up for what needs to be done and to defend the values of Sikhi. I am learning to be brave in a whole new way. 

An Important Message for the Sadh Sangat

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh fellow Singhs and Kaurs,

We have an important duty on our shoulders today. We always speak of how brave we would be to step up should we be needed, and now our day has come. It perhaps isn’t how you thought it would look when you imagined the words bravery and courage, but your contribution is significant. 

 

Sikhi teaches us that no matter what, it is our ethical and moral duty to help others. Even if we have to give up our lives, we are willing to do what it takes to protect the right of another. One of the earliest examples of this comes from the shaheedi of Guru Teg Bahadur Ji, who gave up his life in order to protect the right of Hindus to practice their faith. Waheguru is both nirgun and sargun, both formless and in formed form, meaning that in each and every plant and living being there is this Universal Oneness. We see all of humanity as One. 

 

Prior to even the formation of the Red Cross, Bhai Kanhaiya Ji was on the battlefield, serving water to soldiers from the enemy side. When he was asked what he was he was doing, he said he could only see God anywhere and Guru Gobind Singh Ji instructed him to also treat the soldiers’ wounds. The values of selflessness, humility, standing up for what’s right, fearlessness, compassion, and love are written into our who we are as Sikhs. 

 

I am writing today about a crisis that requires us to do our part. The covid-19/coronavirus pandemic is real. We have had 11 001 deaths in Canada thus far. Despite any misinformation you may have gotten on social media, this virus is serious to all of us. We do not have a cure for covid. It is our responsibility to protect our Nana Ji, Nani Ji, Dhadha Ji, and Dhadhi Ji. It is our responsibility to protect other members of the community as much as our own. There are things that we can do to help protect them, and these include wearing a mask, social distancing, washing hands, not touching your face, and following Public Health Guidelines. Stay home if you are sick or if you get tested. Be mindful of rules for gathering for your specific area, do not go to large gatherings. Please get educated and do not spread misinformation to others. Doing all of these will make a big difference. As a real example released by Fraser Health, one positive person at a fitness class had some shocking consequences with over 100 positive people, 3 admissions to hospital, as well as 260 people who had to self-isolate. Similar events happen from weddings and funerals.  

The other important piece for us is about going to the Gurdwara Sahib. The Gurdwara is obviously an important part of our faith, as we go and visit our Guru Ji, get spiritual growth, learn, gather and interact with community, and it serves the purpose of providing langar and shelter. If we are not careful, the Gurdwara could sadly become a place where covid could spread. In fact, places of worship have been hotspots for covid outbreaks, including an outbreak declared recently at the The Sikh Heritage Center in Brampton. It would be devastating if the spread of covid from people attending the Gurdwara Sahib resulted in deaths of community members. Whether intentional or not, that would be your karm. The North American Sikh Medical and Dental Association has put together some excellent guidelines that can be reviewed and they need to be combined with local policies. At minimum, rules around how many people can be there, social distancing, masking and hand-washing need to be maintained inside the Gurdwaras. If these policies aren’t being followed I would strongly encourage you to stay home and participate in virtual sangat opportunities. We all sing Anand Sahib, and often the sangat sings along to the shabads played during kirtan. The distance covid travels while singing is much further than while talking- American guidelines talk about 12 feet, and the sharing of microphones is also problematic. Thus, there are important changes that need to be made in the way that Gurdwara Sahibs function in order to keep them safe. This is particularly true when it comes to the distribution of Karah Parshad as well as langar. Communal meals are one of the ways that covid has been known spread, and there are many suggestions made in the NASMDA guidelines to address this. Please strongly consider doing as much virtual sangat as possible. 

It is our responsibility as individuals to play a role in protecting our communities. There are higher rates of spread in the South Asian community in BC right now than other communities. As a doctor and as a fellow Sikh, I am making a request to my fellow sangat that you fulfill your duty to protect others and follow up to date covid-19 guidelines. I appreciate all of you who are working to do sewa whether in your free time, or through your job, and playing your part in this pandemic. If you want more information, please reach out to your family doctor or public health. 

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

Dr. Manpreet Kaur Sidhu, Family Physician 

References: 

https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html

http://nasmda.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/GURDWAR-RECOMMENDATIONS-TOOL-KIT.pdf

https://peelregion.ca/news/archiveitem.asp?year=2020&month=10&day=9&file=2020109a.xml

https://www.citynews1130.com/2020/11/12/covid-19-south-asian-community/

https://open.alberta.ca/dataset/2be831dd-d83e-42da-b634-6bc6d5232d1a/resource/dc6e8a2e-978b-4121-acc7-8889fcfc160e/download/covid-19-relaunch-guidance-places-of-worship-2020-05.pdf

http://www.bccdc.ca/Health-Info-Site/PublishingImages/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/case-counts-press-statements/covid19_lha_cumulative_20201031.png?fbclid=IwAR1k5zR7rKMZVyb8U02YYNe4FhxxsfbbxBsAYLfa2pdtHDXcd1Bh11ZPueU

https://globalnews.ca/news/7457383/bc-covid-19-superspreader-map-posters/

Punjabi resources: 

http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/about-covid-19/translated-content

https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/topics/Page17044.aspx

If you are in any sort of leadership position or work in healthcare I encourage you to start speaking up to educate the Sikh Community about covid. The numbers in our South Asian community are increasing. 

Sikhi: Characteristics and Values

What are Sikh values and characteristics? We think of honesty (sach), selflessness, humility, standing up for what’s right, fearlessness (nirbhou), without hate (nirvar), equality, work ethic (kirat karni), service (sewa), sharing (vand ke shakna), positivity (chardi kala), compassion (daya), love, contentment, and remembrance of God (Nam japo). Our identity as a saint-soldier (sant-sapahi) captures that our role is to be a sant before we become a sapahi, that in order to be a fearless warrior in life you really have to connect deep within oneself. 

One of the other qualities I was thinking of today was excellence. The Khalsa has always held itself to a high standard of thoughts and actions. There is a reason we have the saying “Sava Lakh Se Ik Ladaun, Tabhi Gobind Singh Naam Kahaun” translating to “Call me Gobind Singh only when each of my Sikhs will fight 125, 000 soldiers.” We know the degree of skill the Sikhs had in using weaponry from our history, such as the battle of Chamkaur and the battle of Mukhtsar. In that extreme excellence the Sikhs were grounded in humility. I feel like Bhai Gurdas’ Vaar 18, explains this well: “Alas! Were it so that shoes made of my skin were used by the Sikhs of the Guru. Whoever gets the dust of the feet of such people is fortune and blessed.” The Sikhs were not boastful about their excellence but rather carried it as a grace of God to protect the oppressed. I think we all have an area of life that we could pursue. For some it might be their profession, but for others it might be sports, hobbies, or music. Some people show a lot of excellence in how they maintain their hair and beard, and do their daily paath. I think this teaches values of discipline, determination, and perseverance which are all incorporated into Sikhi. We simply don’t just give up as Sikhs- we set out to do something well despite the barriers and challenges that face us. In fact, people’s stories of excellence are inspiring regardless of whether that is an area which we wish to pursue or not. I think that’s why TED talks are so popular because we learn something from the process of hearing someone overcoming challenges in an area, which we can universally apply to our own situation. Lately I’ve been talking to Sikhs who are practicing excellence in different ways. It has inspired me and makes me feel excited for the Sikh community. We have not lost these qualities; they have just changed form to the modern world and is a little bit harder to see in between all of the noise of maya. 

I think recently I was in a space of feeling frozen. The thought crossed my mind of why am I making the harder choices- the compassionate, understanding, giving person, when the world is so harsh and I quite simply just feel used. I was hurt by the betrayal of the world (maya), while at the same time maya was sucking me in even deeper by convincing me this betrayal was betrayal of God, and that I should just stop making the hard choices. My faith has kept me this far in life but that pull of the thoughts each day was hard to ignore. It kept coming up over and over- why are you continually empathetic when it just comes back to hit you in the face? The alternative of being cold and uncaring is just not fathomable. This loving flowing Divine energy is just waiting to be given. Yet sometimes it hurts to care, when you have given away the entirety of your being and yet still, it isn't enough. It is maya itself that has deceived us and that too is written. 

The moment I finished the santhiya of the 7 daily Banis, something changed. Meeting different sangat, even virtually, has given me an awakening. The path of a Sikh is very narrow. Anand Sahib says that it is sharper than a two edged sword and finer than a hair (Pauri 15). We all have to make that choice to keep going on it, even when we are tired, even when we are hurt, even when we are wondering why, we simply have to just keep going because the alternative is described well in Gurbani. If we don’t follow this path now, after 8.4 million lifetimes to get this human life, to practice the values and characteristics that represent a Sikh, then we have wasted all of this. If you don't give that love, where does it go anyways? What's the point? I would much rather give this unbounding endless love inside, coming from the Divine, than to hold it tight and become bitter. It is not an energy that I created, it was created by the One and cannot ever be taken back. You wrote that I give away this love. Eventually if you keep going, the winds of maya will no longer touch you and you can walk solidly. There is no expectation for us to be perfect, but rather to look at this mind daily, and to improve. We all make errors, it is simply just doing better each day. Reading paath reminds us about how to live life, it reminds us about reality and falseness, it reminds us of what is up and what is down. My fellow sangat has given me two important pieces of advice. The first is that we must be incredibly careful of who comes into our inner circle, of choosing people who are inspiring to us and challenge us to do better, who teach us something. Those that see the Divine in themselves and treat others as Divine. I am slowly realizing that while I might be inspired by someone they might not derive any inspiration from me, or be challenged to learn more, and that I need to just let go of the ego involved. Second, I have been given the directive that I have to cross this ocean  and help others cross too. Whoever is in that inner circle must be at least understanding this, that we help each other cross together. 

I have been trying my best to share my experiences on this blog. They are messy but life is messy. The reason I share it is for us to know that we aren’t alone if we experience those setbacks and that there is some learning in each part as we keep moving. It isn’t entirely linear. I want to go home just like all of us and I keep reminding myself of Sheikh Fareed’s shabad, “Fareed, the path is muddy, and the house of my Beloved is so far away. If I go out, my blanket will get soaked, but if I remain at home, then my heart will be broken.” One day someone said to me "I have a pain, not a real pain, but a deep internal existential ache" and I really related to that. I think we all should be having that ache, it is our sign of our desire to go home, of our mind's thirst for union with Waheguru. It is a sign that we still have a ways to travel to get to that home. We have to keep moving no matter what, but it is worth holding up your reality to Gurbani and seeing what is real and what isn’t. There is so much that is not real, including our thoughts and words. Maya is speaking, doing, acting and the trickery has us pitted against each other, causing fights and conflict. Only if we search for God and the Divine, can we let go and understand that all of that is not real. I have wondered if love can be false, and I have decided that the answer is that God is love, and therefore it is real, Truth, and can never be false. Moh is maya, but love is Divine. Never stop loving, giving, and moving because those are real. 

P.S. I've accepted a job here so the blog's not going anywhere anytime soon! 

Happy Bandhi Chorr Divas… from Home

This year I am putting out a request for Diwali/Bandi Chorr Divas on Saturday. Usually I encourage people to attend sangat and programs. This year, because of covid, everything is different. Wherever you are, to please stay home and don't get together. Find ways to celebrate in your homes by doing kirtan, or listening to katha. You could do something virtually with other sangat as well. Your celebrations should not be putting others at risk. Let’s do this one safely. The other piece would be a personal decision about going to the Gurdwara Sahib. There are public health guidelines to be followed regarding social distancing, maximum numbers of people, and masking, as well as remembering that they are saying there is a 12 ft spread from anyone who is singing (which could either be sangat or the jatha). Everyone obviously has to make a decision and it is hard when you do want to go and matha tek and be in the presence of your Guru Ji. An option would be going masked, at times and days of the week when there is not expected to be sangat around but it’s not completely without risk. 

Why do we celebrate Bandi Chorr Divas? 

Chandu Shah was the governor of Lahore and a wealthy banker. His family priest suggested Guru Arjan Dev’s son Hargobind would be a good match for his daughter. Believing in the caste system, and that his family was more upper class than Guru Ji, Chandu Shah refused and made disparaging comments about Guru Arjan Dev Ji. Eventually he changed his mind, but Guru Ji refused knowing that this was a false show. Chandu Shah had shown his real colors earlier from his comments. Chandu Shah went on to inflict torture on Guru Arjan Dev Ji, who was martyred. 

Guru Hargobind Ji, our 6^th Guru, then built the Sri Akal Takht Sahib and strengthened the army of Sikhs. In 1619, Murtaja Khan, Nawab of Lahore, noticed this, and lied to emperor Jahangir that Guru Ji was going to seek revenge for the torture and execution of his father (Guru Arjan Dev Ji). Wazir Khan was sent to arrest Guru Ji, however he respected Guru Ji and instead he asked Guru Ji to accompany him to Delhi. In Delhi, Jahangir changed his mind upon meeting the Guru and in fact started to like him. Guru Ji saved Jahangir's life from a lion and had no revenge in his mind. When Jahangir fell ill, Chandu Shah wanted to find a way to imprison Guru Hargobind Ji. He told an astrologer to tell Jahangir that a holy man needed to pray for him at the Gwalior Fort (prison) in order for him to get better. Chandu Shah recommended this be Guru Hargobind Ji. Guru Ji prayed in the prison, and worked to have the conditions of the jail improved for the prisoners. Hari Daas, who was in charge of the prison was actually a follower of Guru Ji and foiled Chandu’s plan to poison Guru Ji. Jahangir’s recovered but still Guru Ji was kept prisoner. His followers, led by Baba Buddha Ji, became concerned and visited Guru Ji. Guru Ji told them not to worry. Sufi Saint Mian Mir then convinced Jahangir to release Guru Ji. Guru Ji thought of the other prisoners, Hindu Princes who had only been imprisoned due to political reasons and were suffering. He said he would leave the jail if the other prisoners would be released. Jahangir did not like this idea, but agreed that only those prisoners who could hold the cloak of the Guru could be released.  Guru Ji designed a long cloak with 52 tails for each prisoner to hold, and they were all released. Gurdwara Bandi Chorr Sahib has been created at the site of the Gwalior fort. So Bandi Chhor Divas, translated as “prisoner release day” is the day that Guru Hargobind Sahib and the 52 princes were freed from the prison. When Guru Ji safely traveled home to Amritsar, Diwali was being celebrated by the Hindus, so we celebrate Bandi Chhor Divas at Diwali each year.

References 

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bandi_Chhorh_Divas
http://www.worldreligionnews.com/religion-news/bandi-chhor-divas-celebrating-the-liberation-of-the-sixth-sikh-guru-guru-hargobind

picture from http://sikhguru.org.uk/sikhsim/festivalsceremonies/bandi-chhor-divas/

Lest We Forget

Today is Remembrance today, and we recognize the sacrifices made for us to be here today. Sikhs volunteered in great numbers for both World War 1 and 2, despite their small population and 80% died at war. 

“In World War I and II, 83,005 Sikhs were killed and 109,045 wounded fighting for the allied forces” Australian Sikh Heritage (1) 

World War 1 

A BBC documentary states, “More Indians volunteered to fight for Britain in the First World War than all Scots, Welsh and Irish combined” (2). Out of the volunteers in the Indian Army, 22% of those were Sikhs despite the fact that they only formed 2% of India’s population (1). This amounted to 35, 000 Sikhs at the start of the first world war and 100,000 by the end (3). The Sikhs were known as ‘The Lions of the Great War’ and used weapons such as chakras, and talwars (4). There are records of ten Sikh Canadians who voluntarily served in the First World War (5). These were John Baboo (wounded at Vimy Ridge), Sunta Gougersingh (killed in action), Buckam Singh, Hari Singh, Harnom Singh, John Singh, Lashman Singh (killed in action), Ram Singh, Sewa Singh, and Waryam Singh (5).

As Bhai Manveer Singh Ji points out, the Sikhs fought in the British Army because wherever there is oppression, a Sikh goes to fight (3). The Sikh soldiers all kept rehat, they performed Asa Di Vaar, sang kirtan and read Hukamnamas from Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. 

 

Australian Sikh Heritage writes, “In the Gallipoli campaign, the 14th Sikh regiment was virtually wiped out, losing 379 officers and men in one day’s fighting on 4 June 1915…During this battle, the 14th Sikhs (as part of the 29th Indian Infantry Brigade), composed entirely of seasoned Sikh soldiers from the Punjab, launched repeated attacks, in the face of murderous machine gun fire, against the Turkish positions astride Gully Ravine. Held up by the barbed wire that was unaffected by the allied artillery bombardment a section of men leapt the barbed wire and charged the Turks with their bayonets. However, human valour was unavailing against modern weapons of war, and on that day the battalion’s casualties amounted to 82 percent of the men actually engaged in the battle “(1).

 

World War 2

Again, large numbers of Sikhs served in the war. Notable contributions were in the Battle of Malaya, Burma Campaign and Italian Campaign (4). The history of World War 2 must also be remembered for the holocaust and the effect that this had on the entire world. 

 

References

1 http://www.australiansikhheritage.com/world-war-1/

2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCKHENmDMT4&t=1s

3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlqyy98agKI

4 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikhs_in_the_British_Indian_Army#World_War_One
5 http://asia-canada.ca/meeting-cultures/newcomers/pig-pen/sikh-canadians-first-world-war-0  

Other resources to check out: https://www.scoopwhoop.com/inothernews/sikh-regiment-legends/#.e1hn7seva

Picture: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/british-armys-valiant-sikhs-who-12677484 

November Art

Some art in remembrance of the sacrifices made by our Singhs and Singhniya in the genocide 36 years ago. Canadian Parliament has recognized the events of November as a genocide. The third picture, the word Nasalkushi (genocide) in Punjabi speaks to the censorship on us discussing these events as a genocide and remembering our history. We must remember these lives, just as we remember the World Wars in November. 

Remembrance

It is the beginning of November. 36 yeas ago would have been the final day of the Delhi genocide, but the Sikhs would have had no way of knowing that at the time. I cannot imagine or fathom the terror that raged through the streets. It is hard to take in how these significant events took place not so long ago and still carry so much trauma for so many. I have been working on part 3 of the history but it is significantly more difficult to go through the history of 1984. In the meantime, check out this document put out by Ensaaf called 20 Years of Impunity: https://ensaaf.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/20years-2nd.pdf  

We should be reminded today that no matter what attempts were made to end us over and over, we are still here as a united and strong Khalsa. 

Guru Ramdas Ji

Yesterday was the Prakash Divas of Guru Ramdas Ji. May we remember the contributions of Guru Ji's life and try to embody them in our daily life! 

image from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llHRPbOrjqc 

Relax, Rest, and Rejuvenate

“You’re too busy," I got told. My days were packed in, but I didn't recognize it as a problem. After all, I had been busy most of my life and it was simply normal for me. I now find myself remembering her words in a new understanding. She wasn’t just making a random observation; she was sharing a piece of wisdom that my busy lifestyle was causing me problems that I wasn’t seeing.  

I just read the book “When the Body Says No” by Dr. Gabor Maté, a family physician from Vancouver who also does palliative care. The theme of the book is about stress and health. It is an interesting read, but a hard one because you have to be willing to look at your own life. Maté explores questions like why do some people spontaneously recover from melanomas (a deadly skin cancer)? How is it possible for a person to have Alzheimer’s in the brain on an autopsy, but never had symptoms of dementia when they were alive? Why do some smokers get lung cancer and others don’t? The point is not a matter of blaming oneself or others, but rather examining the multiple factors that lead to illness and how to mitigate them. He describes how disease isn’t just from environmental risk factors, genetics, or personality; it is also about the generations before us and the influence of the society and culture we live in. After all, genes are activated by the environment and don’t explain everything. The role of personality in stress is described as a major theme of the book. The pleasant, dutiful person who works to fulfill responsibilities long after their body limits them, is stoic, who thinks of others and doesn’t ask for help is typical of the patients in his book who have MS, ALS, cancers, rheumatoid arthritis, etc. It is shocking how much these personalities can matter. Researchers who interviewed patients without knowing their diagnosis were able to detect those who had cancer by 94% based on their psychological interview (page 62)! Maté writes, “While we cannot see that any personality type causes cancer, certain personality features definitely increase the risk because they are more likely to generate physiological stress. It is stress – not personality per se- that undermines the body's physiological balance and immune defences, predisposing to disease or reducing the resistance to it…Certain traits-otherwise known as coping styles- magnify the risk for illness by increasing the likelihood of chronic stress. Common to them to them all is the diminished capacity for emotional communication” (page 127). Thus, he reveals that personalities are not fixed but rather just coping mechanisms and can be changed over time, emphasizing that being able to be emotionally intimate is key. When emotions are pushed down instead of recognized and expressed in a healthy way, it affects our nervous system, immune system, and hormonal systems through stress. One cannot simply shut down emotions without having consequences. He writes, “In numerous studies of cancer, the most consistently identified risk factor is the inability to express emotion, particularly the feelings associated with anger. The repression of anger is not an abstract emotional trait that mysteriously leads to disease. Is a major risk factor because it increases physiological stress on the organism” (page 99). In one example on breast cancer patients “researchers found that emotional factors in social involvement were more important to survival than the degree of the disease itself” (page 61). With a heavy scientific basis, his book describes how a combination of these factors lead to disease in individuals. One of the most important factors then to being able to prevent disease is realizing our coping strategies and patterns of our personalities to be able to change them, and to learn to recognize and express our emotions. 

 

I learned a huge number of lessons out of this book and I couldn’t possibly share them all, but I will reflect a few and how I’ve related them to myself, as well as possible solutions. I have had this belief in myself that I can do anything and that I should never give up for the longest time. A while back I realized that actually, I didn’t want my work taking over my life. I decided to increase activities that would balance work, and therefore I stopped thinking that being busy was a problem. It wasn’t like I was a busy workaholic; I was busy with other activities. For example, learning rabab, singing, listening to kathas while exercising, staying up until 1 am working on advocacy projects, leadership roles, being there for friends, paath, walks with family, simran, learning new shabads for the Gurdwara, blogging, learning history, journaling, etc. Then the pandemic happened, and I cut back my work but added on cooking and santhiya. I found myself wanting to do more and more myself rather than relying on others, like making my hummus from scratch! To me, these projects were good because they were interesting and exciting. I figured I am sent here to do this sewa so I might as well give everything 100%. Eventually one of my family members got sick and everything just kind of toppled over. I realized that it isn’t possible for me to do it all. It didn’t matter whether these activities were started as a way of keeping me well balanced, and I thought they were a type of “good busy.” Doing these activities was a type of work in itself because there was new learning involved in most of the activities. As proud as I was of powering through and doing it all, strength, determination and all, I realized that it was a mistake and that being busy was actually a cost to myself. My body was not happy any longer with my level of being busy. Maté writes “‘Sometimes the problem is not that we lack strength but the demands we make on ourselves are impossible’” (page 232). There were many examples of people like me in the book, who thought that it was good to be busy with things you enjoy. One such woman described: “’It was a challenge to juggle homemaking, parenting, business, gardening, interior decorating and chauffeuring, but I loved the roles and perform them with great intensity’” (page 45). Maté describes how stress can go unrecognized and still cause us problems, and that stress isn’t necessarily bad events but can also be chronically lacking things in our lives like connection (especially a problem during covid), sense of identity, having one’s emotional needs met, etc. He explains we have ignored our body’s warning systems for so long sometimes we are unable to see the signs of stress. Eventually the body sends a lot of signals to us that there is something wrong in the form of pain: “Physiologically, the pain pathways channel information that we have blocked from reaching us by more direct routes. Pain is a powerful since secondary mode of perception to alert us when our primary modes have shut down. It provides us with data that we learn ignore at our own peril” (page 152). Like many, I certainly learned to ignore my body over time. How many of us just ignore that pain in your neck, or your knee and just keep going? I learned to compartmentalize what my body was doing, so I could be professional and present in my workplace. I didn’t want to be seen as the person with whatever thing going on, but for my skills and capabilities. Having to prove myself and going above and beyond was something I learned a long time ago. Eventually when I got into yoga, you learn to start to connect to your body again. I was surprised at what my body was holding onto, and it was hard, but it was important to do that reconnection and to try to learn what my body has been telling me. Recognizing our stress and our pain as an important signal from our body is something that is key to our health. 

 

One of the other lessons from the book was that you don’t always have to be positive. Dr. Maté describes that many people complain that they did everything possible for their health and are optimistic but still got a chronic illness. Studies show these individuals are more likely to get ill, for example breast cancer patients who reported little stress were more likely to die at the one year follow-up (page 245). He writes, “We have seen in study after study that compulsive positive thinkers are more likely to develop disease and less like to survive. Genuine positive thinking- or, more deeply, positive being - empowers us to know that we have nothing to fear from truth” (page 257). Positive being means being in Chardi Kala. It is different than being unrealistic and not recognizing what you are going through which he terms “fake positivity.” It can be exhausting to be fake positive and it expends energy into pushing everything down rather than being realistic. In order to be realistic, he tells us to ask, “What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to? Without these questions the stress responsible for a lack of balance will remain hidden” (page 244). The solution then, is that it is important to be realistic about your situation, and then you can find that positivity inside by not being afraid of seeing what your situation is.  

 

An additional major theme of the book was also living by double standards. This was all too familiar to me. As a caring person, I get my heart broken by investing myself into others and the world, going to great lengths to ensure that others are well supported and not unnecessarily stressed. I have advocated fiercely for self-care, and for people to create a culture of caring for each other in our workplaces. Yet I feel guilty for that self-care and selfish for doing things for myself because of a culture of sacrifice. In his book, Maté gives a striking example of an ALS patient: “Because she could barely hold pen or pencil, Alexa often stayed up long after midnight to complete her daily marking of student assignments. In the morning she would arise at five-thirty, in order to arrive at the school early enough to scrawl the day’s lesson the blackboard, the chalk gripped in her closed fist” (page 39). We might think it is shocking why someone would continue to do this, but we might be able to see ourselves in these stories if we look deeper inside. Alexa’s story is one that I have repeated to many people when talking about this book. She physically is still trying to push her body to do what it can’t anymore out of a determination to power through. The question arose for me, What is the distinction between the sacrifices that we are taught to make in Sikhi and this? We are taught to give our lives if necessary, for the benefit of humanity, so why should I not give up myself as part of this sewa to others? I think the difference is distinct. Firstly, that self-care is a sewa and we need our bodies to be functioning to continue to do our life’s other sewas. Secondly, that the sacrifices made by Singhs and Singhniya in our history were made in full connection, Anand, and Hukam. While physical suffering was inflicted on them, their mind state was somewhere else, in a different avastha. The sacrifice of destroying your own wellbeing to help others is not balanced, or Anand, and is usually driven by external forces and becomes a type of suffering for the person doing it. In the book, Maté describes the solution to this double standard we set for ourselves, in which we have higher expectations of ourselves than others, is to have full acceptance for oneself. We must have full compassion for our boundaries and treat ourselves like we would advise someone else in our situation. In Sikhi that means remembering that Waheguru is within as well and we need to be taking are of this body and mind for it to be able to achieve its purpose. We can only really get to a higher avastha of trying to live fully within accepting Hukam and having that connection and not suffering if we are able to care for ourselves. When you are unkind to yourself in any way, you are applying a double standard and that duality is something that is a problem because it is not seeing You everywhere, within and without. 

 

Lastly, the book also talked about the theme of living up to the expectations of others. Truth be told everyone probably has expectations of you- your cultural community, your bank, your job, your instructors, your peers, your parents, etc. Those expectations will be vastly different depending on who you talk to and can be a significant source of background stress: “‘Most of our tensions and frustrations stem from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not,’ wrote Hans Selye” (page 255). To free ourselves from the expectations of others, Maté argues that we must be living with autonomy to make our choices freely: “One cannot be autonomous as long as one is driven by relationship dynamics, by guilt or attachment needs, by hunger for success, by the fear of the boss or by the fear of boredom. The rule is simple: autonomy is impossible as long as one is driven by anything…His autonomous will is not engaged, even if he believes he has ‘chosen’ his stressed lifestyle and even if he enjoys his activities” (pg 245). Further to that point of choosing a stressed lifestyle, he describes that one of the biggest stressors is the expectation that if you don’t do anything and keep busy then you don’t exist in the world.  We cannot be fully stress-free and living our best lives if we are chained down by who we think we should be. He argues that the solution is assertion, which “challenges the core belief that we must have somehow justify our existence... It is being, irrespective of action. Thus, assertion may be the very opposite of action, not only in the narrow sense of refusing to do something we do not wish but letting go of the very need to act” (page 279). Gurbani teaches us that our compass should not be external to ourselves and our Guru is our guide. We do not have to be meeting the expectations of others to be valuable because we are inherently valuable as a part of the Universal life energy and not because of our accomplishments. He writes, “No human being is ‘useless’, whether the helpless infant or the helpless ill or dying adult…All too frequently, people are given the sense they are valued only for their utilitarian contribution and are expendable if they lose their economic worth” (page 224). Thus, rather than living up to the expectations of others, we must realize that we have inherent value as we are. 

 

While I have learned lots out of this book, I think it comes down to the fact that I thought there was a difference between work busy, and regular busy, and that now I understand that’s not true. There is value in each of us, even if we are not actively accomplishing something and just having fun and enjoying our lives. We must treat our bodies with compassion when we recognize our emotions and signals of stress, and rather than putting up double standards, sacrificing oneself, and powering through, it is important for us to stop living in duality and start living in the Oneness. While determination and strength and motivation are really great qualities, there is a point at which we should not keep powering through no matter what. Filling your own cup should matter because it is a respect, in awe to the Oneness, that we value Waheguru within.  Rather than fighting to continue to be busy, I am starting to realize the art of just rest. As my cousin likes the say, the world will keep spinning.