Self-Help Prey

Self-help has become a huge industry, with people turning to speaking events, books, workshops, retreats, videos, etc. for a self-healing solution. What we know from Gurbani is that dukh is a part of life that everyone universally experiences. That means that at some point we are all searching for answers and a direction. 

I think inherently we all do have a way of knowing, our body and mind has a way of healing and finding its way. While in the womb, we passed the tests needed to overcome maya and thus we were placed into this life knowing the rules of the game and how to win it. It is that we get lost in our ways and then have to find our way to healing again. In the desperate search for help from our dukh we might search for help in many different places. We might search for help in our Gurdwara Sahibs, from other members of the sangat or Gyanis/Granthis. We might look for help from doctors or psychologists/therapists or life coaches. We might look for help in the form of medications, homeopathy, or naturopathy. We might look for healing in physical activities like yoga, self-defense, or dancing. We might search in the form of meditation. We might look for it in trips to different places, in vacations, nature, animals and extreme sports and activities. We can search far and wide, for different types of healers of all traditions and cultures, from Indigenous healers to Shamanic rituals. We can look for famous saints, silence, monks and monasteries. We can look in churches, Gurdwaras, Mosques, and Hindu temples. We can look into modern technologies. Wherever we look, we are looking with the intent for us to heal some kind of internal suffering. We know that common feeling, of wanting relief. For some that gets to the point that they have waited so long they really need relief now, they need some immediate action to change in order to make life bearable. We can be put into this state from a physical, mental or spiritual crisis. These can all potentially be tools or helpers in our healing journey. We can use them to aid us to find our way, but it is important to recognize the dangers of them as well. Rather than placing the focus of attention onto latching onto something as an all-encompassing solution, it is more helpful to trust our gut instincts. 

Exploitation in this area is very real. When we are suffering in some kind of dukh, we are very vulnerable to this type of exploitation. For example, our brain chemistry, and the functions of the brain, and hormones get altered from trauma. We might be so desperate from physical pain that we look to unconventional sources for help without applying our usual logic. We might be so disoriented from grief, that we set out on a limb and it doesn’t go well. There are people who want to make financial gain from this area of course, but it can be even worse than a financial loss. A person could lose their life. Naturopathy, chiropractics, and homeopathy are not without significant risks. People think that things labelled natural are better remedies but that isn’t necessarily true. We have heard of stories of people being sexually abused by Granthis. There are similar stories of yogis, and those in positions of power, even physicians. One of the scariest things is that our brain learns to recognize familiarity and patterns, and if we have experienced trauma, we could unknowingly recognize the familiarity of that trauma and therefore someone who is dangerous can easily take advantage of that familiarity and prey on them. This is described well in Dr. Van Der Kolk’s book “When the Body Keeps the Score.” 

One of the most stark examples of this was when I was reading about James Arthur Ray. He was one of those self-help motivational speakers, who later was convicted of negligent homicide of three individuals at a “sweat lodge” ceremony he held (not an actual sweat lodge, this was misrepresented) in 2009. I listened to a podcast about the lodge ceremony from Wondery called “Guru: The Dark Side of Enlightenment”. People paid large amounts of money to attend his events. This exclusive “spiritual warrior” event was one where people attended to have the experience of a lifetime. Some of the participants were dentists and doctors. One participant noted “that high energy kind of environment is just kind of fun you want to be part of it, you want to belong, you don’t want to stand out and be against what’s going on.” In the end, it was a deadly event, with more than 50 people needing medical attention. He failed to accept any sort of responsibility for the deaths and served only 18 months behind bars. Matt Stroud wrote an article for the Verge: “How did so many seemingly intelligent people follow James Arthur Ray into the sweat lodge that day?” Cult intervention specialist Rick Ross stated “…Ray uses ‘large-group awareness training,’ or LGAT, where a single leader trains a large group in a particular worldview. Leaders like Ray, Ross suggests, see themselves as more than trainers. ‘They all have this kind of zealous, almost evangelical view of their philosophy as being an end-all and a cure-all for the participants,’ Ross says. And if something goes wrong, it’s not the leader’s fault.” SEEK Safely was an organization started by the family of one of the victims, Kirby Brown. They state on their website: “We’ve discovered that many other self-help ‘gurus’ are running similar scams to James Ray—they’re unqualified, motivated by money, and have little regard for the safety and well-being of their customers. For providers of personal development, there are no ethical guidelines. There are no laws to ensure emotional or physical safety. No laws to protect from financial loss. No laws to require a risk management plan at physically challenging events. Ironically, if James Ray had a professional license, it would have been revoked after his conviction. But no such licensing exists for gurus in the personal and professional development world. As we learned of the abuses in the industry, we realized that it is only a matter of time before other seekers are harmed financially, emotionally or physically.” SEEK safely identifies how to recognize a “red flag” event such as an individual without any expertise, applies scarcity tactics (limited numbers only), promises of an ultimate solution/special secrets to life, encouraging highly emotional revelations in public, sensory deprivation, use of repetitive “key phrases,” etc. They point out one of the reasons why speakers like him are able to succeed is they draw on the group’s low self-esteem, self-blame feelings: “Speaker frames all past beliefs as the reason for failure which influences the participant to have a negative and poor self-perception, increasing their need to ‘buy into’ whatever the speaker is teaching and selling.” 

In our culture we see this exact same thing in the version of Nakli Babas, who then go on to exploit people, like Ram Rahim. It’s a different form of the exact same problem. People are flocking in masses to attend events (pre-covid) where they can see healing. After covid I think we will see another exploitation of the public. Predators sometimes don't "look" particularly dangerous. Serial Killer Ted Bundy was known as "charismatic." They might tell you, look its simple just put up a vision board and get what you want, it just attracts to yourself (James Arthur Ray also happened to be on the popular movie The Secret) when they are predatorily getting what they want. In the process using the opportunity to say that they have everything of success in the world and you are responsible for your own suffering. If we think of truly spiritual people in history, all our famous Sikhs, or people of other religions, none of them would be acting like this. There is a subtlety to the Truth, a humility, it doesn't need to be pushed down people's throats loudly and dramatically because the message is sweet, kind, caressing. In Sikhi, our Guru Ji, Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, is our Guru for a reason, and provides us with important knowledge for coming out of dukh. All that knowledge is out there for free, at our fingertips to be absorbed. 

I think the point is that it’s easy for this to be any one of us. I’ve had the experience of both listening to my gut, and having successfully avoided situations and people that would have been dangerous to me, and having been burned by not trusting my gut. We somehow are in a culture where we think that healing has to involve breaking down further, like somehow we have to suffer more until we “completely” fall apart to bring it back together and that’s simply not true. James Arthur Ray pushed people to the limits by telling them the signs of heat stroke were normal and then not calling 911 when they died. Healing doesn’t look like that. While it is a hard process, it looks like support, encouragement, love, and not a nauseating feeling in the pit of your stomach. Critical thinking gets us far, considering evidence and having a science background really helps me, but sometimes it comes down to your gut feeling. Our safety and lives are on the line when we search for healing so please do so safely. There's a reason why there's ethical guidelines to how physicians, psychologists and psychiatrists practice. Do your research, ask questions and trust your gut. This is a great document for guidance in this area, even for people seeking help not related to trauma. It has general guidance related to how we deserve to be treated when we seek help- things like confidentiality and boundaries: https://www.sidran.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/A-Recovery-Bill-of-Rights-for-Trauma-Survivors.pdf   

Wherever you seek your own healing path in your life, stay safe! 

 

References: 

https://wondery.com/shows/guru/ Guru: the Dark Side of Enlightenment by Matt Stroud

https://www.theverge.com/2013/12/4/5038930/the-death-dealer-james-arthur-sweat-lodge-deaths-in-sedona “The Death Dealer 'Secret' guru James Arthur Ray led three people to their deaths... and now he's at it again” by Matt Stroud

https://www.seeksafely.org/consumers/#1471441719858-690475a9-5b74

Freedom

Freedom

the grass between my toes  

the smell of fresh patina

sunshine glowing

children laughing

Your love is all encompassing

giving, forgiving

a directional map

a guide

a friend for the path

an overflowing fountain 

 

all Yours 

the expanse of stars

the microbes 

soaring eagles and dancing horses 

the tallest mountains

 

I bow down to Your expanse

the vibration connecting each of us

Your love is the hum of my voice

the splash of color on my paintbrush

Joy... arms raised

 

Your love is home 

whether lying on a rock

sleeping in jungles

injured and exhausted 

In all directions 

just You, You, You

100 years: Saka Nankana Sahib

This weekend we remember the massacre the occurred at Nankana Sahib Feb 21, 1921, termed Saka Nankana Sahib. It has now been 100 years since this massacre occurred. Let's read some brief history: 

At that time, Maharaja Ranjit Singh reconstructed Gurdwaras destroyed by Mughals, and gave the “Mahants” (caretakers of these Gurdwaras) property rights and land attached to the Gurdwaras. Original mahants were individuals who spread the message of Sikhi, but soon they were just corrupt individuals hungry for money generated at the Gurdwaras. At the same time, the British were afraid that if the Sikhs took control of the Gurdwaras this would further unify the Khalsa against them and cause a revolution. Mahant Narayan Das was supposed to be the caretaker of Gurdwara Nankana Sahib. He was corrupt, and allowed many bad things to happen at the Gurdwara Sahib including sexual assaults. The Sikh congregation decided to take action and approached the mahant to change his ways in October 1920. He refused to change and instead turned against the Sikhs. His anti-sikh group was going to have a conference on Feb 20, 1921 in Lahore. On three different opportunities the Shiromani committee offered to meet the mahant to discuss the issues peacefully, however he never showed up. The Sikhs had a congregation on Feb 16 at Gurdwara Khara Sauda and made a decision to go in jathas to take over the Gurdwara peacefully on Feb 20 while the mahant was away. Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabbar and Bhai Lachaman Singh Dharowali were to take their jathas.  

Meanwhile, the mahant cancelled his plans for the conference and hired 400 mercenaries and made plans to kill the Sikh leaders. He contacted the British Commissioner of Lahore and acquired firearms with the help of the government (this letter exists to this day as evidence). He furthered his plan by making holes in the walls for shooting at the Sikhs, strengthening the Gurdwara gate and he got paraffin. 

On Feb 19, the Parbandhak committee met and decided that the jathas should not go. Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabbar was present, and sent a Sikh to tell Bhai Lachman Singh Dharowali so he could stop his jatha. Yet Bhai Lachman Singh, still following the original plan, was waiting for Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabber’s jatha. At that time Jaethedar Tehal Singh’s Jatha arrived and encouraged them to move forward. They did Ardas and took a Hukamnama. They left at 10 pm to reach the Gurdwara Nankana Sahib at Amrit Vela. More Sikhs joined for a total of 200. Although women and children were asked to go back, one child, Darbara Singh refused to leave because he was inspired by stories of shaheeds and he joined the Shaheedi Jatha. 

Upon arrival at the railway crossing near Nankana Sahib, Chaudry Paul Singh Hyallpuri (another source lists that it was Bhai Waryam Singh) arrived to convey the decision of the Shiromani committee, however Jathedar Tehal Singh said that the Ardas had already been done and the time had come for them to act. The jatha arrived at the Gurdwara and did Asa Di War. Then the mahant ordered his men to kill the Sikhs. The bullets fired hit the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and many Sikhs. The rest were slaughtered with saws, swords, or burned alive including the 9 year old Darbara Singh. Bhai Lachman Singh was tied to a tree upside down and burnt alive. 

News spread and Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabber arrived with 2200 men. Mr. Curry, Deputy Commissioner of Lahore, had his army surrounding the Gurdwara and warned Bhai Kartar Singh that they would shoot the Sikhs if they approached. Bhai Kartar Singh stated that they were not afraid of death, and in seeing this, Mr. Curry became worried and backed down. He handed over the keys. The mahant and a select few of the mercentaries were sentenced to death, however this didn't happen and he was given security at a private location until his death. 

This is the history of how the Shaheedi jatha of Sikhs, who went to peacefully take back Gurdwara Nanakana Sahib from the hands of the corrupt mahant, were martyred. We remember these Sikhs every day in our Ardas. May we forever remember their sacrifice and bravery in standing up for what was right. Because of their sacrifice, the Sikhs were able to take back control of Nankana Sahib, the birthplace of Guru Nanak Dev Ji. 

References including above picture

http://manvirsingh.blogspot.ca/2014/02/sri-nankana-sahib-massacre.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nankana_massacre

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/events/nankana.html

List for Sikh Mental Health Resources

Updated March 1/21 

I decided to make a list of resources for stress management, coping, and mental health. I feel like when you search anything related to Sikhs and mental health, it is difficult to find some tangible resources (I do enjoy the thought provoking posts from Sikh your Mind on facebook). This post is not intended to be medical advice but rather is about brainstorming for our own individual coping strategies for the stressful lives that we lead in the age of Kaljug. When we realize the list of possibilities sometimes that in itself makes a huge difference for how we view the world. I certainly was very excited to be making this and then to make a special version for myself as well. It is important to recognize we are all so unique and individual, and the things that we enjoy and that will work well for us are also going to look different. I’ve divided it up into body, mind and spirit for the sake of making things into categories, but really these are all interconnected. This builds off a recent post on Sikh specific resources but is a much larger list. We all could use having our own ideas for what we do to cope with stress, but also we might have a family member or friend really struggling and might be able to help them brainstorm what works for them using this list. Knowing what is out there and making a choice about what you'd like to do is much different than struggling because you don't have the resources and don't know where to look. A strength scale like the VIA can be really helpful too! Its available for free online. 

BODY

Sleep: 

-weighted or electric blanket

-sleep hygiene (there’s lots of online PDFs that describe healthy sleep habits like the temperature of the room, timing of screen time, etc.)

-white noise machine

-a warm bath or shower before bed

-guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, relaxing music

-Kirtan sohila

-reading a book before bed 

-trying a sleep tea, melatonin (consult a physician) 

-imager rehearsal therapy/dream completion technique, or lucid dreaming therapy for nightmares

-eating a snack so you aren’t going to be hungry, but also not eating a whole meal too close to bed

-if disoriented: night light, glow in the dark stickers on the door 

-dealing with any pain issues, restless legs syndrome, or medical conditions interfering in sleep 

-sleeping in a different location of the house/couch/with someone else around

-Tel Chasna (scalp massage)  

-having a good mattress, quiet room, and safe space 

 

Eating: 

-lots of traditional herb remedies

-vitamin D has an important role 

-langar, group meals 

-Cha (time to socialize as well), teas such as chamomile 

-if having trouble remembering to eat, eating mechanically (setting timers) or working with a dietician

-if loss of appetite consider shakes and choosing enjoyable foods and drinks 

-relaxation techniques during meals, sitting and relaxing to eat rather than eating on the go 

 

Movement (alone or in a group)

-Yoga (including trauma center trauma sensitive yoga for anyone with PTSD, based out of the US Justice Research Institute)

-Tai Chi/Qi Gong

-aerobic exercise, team sports, swimming, martial arts (note aerobic exercise can be triggering for some), group fitness classes 

-walks in the sun

-dancing (any style but also bhangra, gidda), Nia

-Gatka 

-Flying a kite

-snow-shoeing and other snow-related activities (keeping in mind same rule for extreme sports being triggering for some)

-martial arts

-Somatic Exercises (ex. work of Peter Levine)

-Trauma Release Exercises

-Yoga Ball

 

Clothing: 

-having choice in what we wear whether that is styles of turbans, the color of what we wear, mixture of traditional and western, etc.

 

SAD Lamp - this is a specific type of light therapy used for those with seasonal affective disorder, and is 10, 000 lux with a uv filter, speak to a physician about who should use it and how 

 

MIND

Grounding (may be helpful to have a grounding box if you deal with anxiety like generalized anxiety, OCD, PTSD, panic, etc.) 

TOUCH: stress ball, noticing where you are sitting, feet on the floor, 5/4/3/2/1 senses, EFT (Gary Craig) or TFT, fabrics/textures, rock/crystals, sensory objects (worms, rubix cube, pipe cleaners, play doh, slinky), splashing cold water on face, washing hands to clear the energy, Mala, painting of a Guru or written prayer 

SIGHTS: glow sticks, jot, candles

SOUNDS: Harmony balls (work on acupressure points on the hand and make sounds), Tibetan healing bowl or crystal healing bowl, music, noise cancelling headphones, ear plugs, white noise machine, binaural beats, ipod/phone with kirtan (musical hymns) or paath or favorite music

SMELL: essential oils/aromatherapy, incense (rose, jasmine, sandalwood)

TASTE: mints/chocolate, tasting a lemon, sukka parshad 

BREATHING: bubbles, focusing on out-breath, havening, humming, box breathing, belly breathing,  alternate nostril breathing 

 

Unwinding: massage, soften gaze, sauna, hot tub, bath bombs/bubble baths/Epsom salts, foot bath, pedicures, body butters, heating pads/hot water bottle, face lotion or putting lotion on your whole body, fuzzy pyjamas, paint nails, audiobooks, predictable tv shows vacations, travel, heating pad/hot water bottle, creating worry time/worry box (ex. writing all worries and keeping them in a journal or box to revisit to solve later), reading (reading can also be helpful for making people feel less alone in their problems), mood and sleep apps 

 

Connection

-friends, family members, elders, community members (whoever is our sangat)

-Camps like Dukh Bhanjan Tera Naam, Sarab Rog ka Aukhad Naam, history camps, simran camps, Kaur camps, yoga camps, (see previous comprehensive list of camps in Canada)

-facetiming someone, sitting with family to watch a movie

-counselling: there are a diversity of styles of counselling ranging from animal/equine therapies, to narrative, to drama/art, talk therapies like CBT/DBT, EMDR (ptsd specific), somatic therapy, biofeedback, neurofeedback, couples therapy, family therapy, internal family systems, etc. There is a list of south Asian counsellors at https://southasiantherapists.org or Punjabi Community Health Services or connect with your physician. There’s always a need to be careful about who you choose and making sure they are qualified. Usually there are multiple types of therapies relevant for each condition. 

-having people on your “team” that you need- pharmacist, social worker, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, dietician, doctors, specialists, massage therapist (recommended to be a registered massage therapist not a spa), etc. Some people find medications to be helpful. For some people they prefer more energy based healing things like reiki, chakras, crystals, naturopathy, acupuncture, homeopathy, herbal medicine, Ayurvedic, Indigenous or Chinese traditional medicine, mauna (silent meditations), acupressure, etc. All therapies can be harmful or helpful to us and have that risk. 

-note talk therapies can be really hard for certain conditions, like trauma, and in those cases it can be more helpful for people to have something like art, animal therapies, or somatic therapies (this is written about in Dr Van der Kolks book as bottom up therapies, to teach people how to feel safe again and Peter Levine’s work) 

 

Others: 

Language of choice can be helpful: “I get to” or “I am choosing to sit for a while before I brush my teeth” or “I am choosing _ instead of _” 

Animal therapy: equine therapy, other animals especially helpful to those who have had their trust broken and feel like they cant talk to other humans 

Getting together to laugh at theatre or comedy  

Gardening 

Technology: there’s lots of technology now going into neuro and biofeedback. Some of the ones I saw were “sensate pebble II”, “heart math” and “muse”, apps like mood apps, sleep apps etc. There are lists of good ones online. 

-Affirmation cards, Affirmation app (the "I Am" app is a good one but $)

-quotes on walls or printed out

-power poses for confidence (Amy Cuddy ted talk)

-distracting with busy activities like work, puzzles etc.  

-cheering or smiling in front of a mirro

-laughing, finding a comedy or youtube video 

-dipping your feet in a natural body of water 

-Drinking water

-Gargling/yawning (activates the vagus nerve) 

-Spa day

-Sailing, Kayaking, Canoeing, Fishing (fishing has been studied in Veterans, you can catch and release)

-enjoying a mid-day break or tea 

 

Creativity/Art Therapy:

Journaling (can be formal- narrative therapy) or Blogging. Consider letter to self or others that you destroy, journal prompts, written or typed, different types of journal covers

music therapy with traditional saaj (instruments) including rabab, dilruba, taus, jori, etc., using different raags to express different feelings. This involves listening to kirtan (singing of hymns to music) or playing the instruments and learning them as well as singing alone, or collectively in sangat (gathering). This has the power for collective healing, individual experiences, expression of emotion, and for connection to scriptures that can be on themes that are uplifting. Some people might enjoy singing, rapping, making youtube videos, etc. 

poetry, dhadhi vaaran 

jutti-making (shoe-making)

manja making are all traditional art forms 

Bilateral drawing/scribbling 

Woodworking, wood carving 

Leather crafting 

Metal working 

Calligraphy

Candle Making, soap-making/sculpting 

crochet/knitting

sand paintings

painting (oil, acrylic, water, ink)

drawing: pens/pencil crayons/crayons 

cooking/baking

beads, jewelry making 

crafts

embroidery/cross stitch/needle work

papercrafts/origami/scrapbooking

sewing, quilting 

miniatures

mosaics, collages

Clay, play-doh, plasticine 

Stone sculptures

Ice sculptures 

Costume making 

Foam art

Basketry, weaving, rug-making 

Glassblowing, glass etching, stained glass 

Digital art 

Gardening, flower arranging, bonsai, topiary

terrariums

Pottery

pressed flower art

macrame

airbrushing

chalk, pastels

comic art

resin

card making

needle felting, punch needle

nail art, makeup art

rubber stamping

dollhouses, dollmaking, model trains/boats/cars/planes

3D printing

videography, photography

washi tape

casting

fashion design, tie dye

papier-mache

puppetry

vision board for physical/emotional health, career, family/romantic relationships, community health, creativity, spiritual journey, environment 

coloring mandalas (a type of mindfulness, not art therapy) 

going to a symphony, ballet, or opera 

 

SPIRIT 

Meditation: simran (sass as, sas gras, rom rom, with kirtan, using Waheguru or Tuhi or Har mantr, etc.); self-compassion meditation, loving kindness meditation (Dr. Neff, Chris Germer), mindfulness meditation, check out the Self compassion Deck (a deck of cards with mindfulness)

Prayer (Akhand Paath, Sukhmani Sahib, Dukh Bhanjni Sahib, Taiya Taap Sakhi) 

Nature: oceans, sunsets, mountains, gardens, forests, sunshine

Volunteerism/Service/Sewa

Being up at Amrit Vela

Stargazing

Visiting healing locations in the world 

Plants- ex. aloe, basil plant, flowering plants like jasmine, planting a garden

Animals 

Disconnecting from social media/removing people and selectively choosing what to follow 

Katha: telling stories of Guru Jis, stories of resilience. For women who have experienced abuse it may be helpful to remind them of the stories of women back in our history, who had been kidnapped and were shunned by the culture of the time but were still taken in by the Sikh community and loved. They were married to Sikhs and lived happy lives as warriors of the Khalsa (see past posts on Sikh women). 

Gratitude (journal, doing Ardas)

Going to the Gurdwara- matha tek, do Ardas and get guidance in the form of a Hukamnama

Acceptance of Hukam (we’ve had multiple previous posts expanding on this topic) 

The point of the spirit activities is largely to learn to feel things in the present moment and thus might look different for different people 

Collective healing: singing, choir, dance, poetry nights, music, theatre, art, prayer, collective celebrations like Nagar Kirtans, cooking/baking together, group crafts 

 

References and Resources: Websites, Videos and Books 

Tibetan Healing sounds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6QTdvbu0uI&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=35&t=246s

See previous post on styles of kirtan for different kirtan videos and saaj videos, as well as posts on katha resources

Affirmation cards by Louise Hay

artastherapy.com  

Grounding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPH5CFSmYEU&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=10

Veterans Tai Chi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqkQqcSK1TY&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=7&t=1132s

Somatic Practices for PTSD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91Z2cAzzn78&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=5&t=661s

Loving Kindness Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cxtdiXBQDk&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=32&t=726s

Qi Gong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3fh_IjHo1A&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=8

Mindfulness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6T02g5hnT4&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=17

TCTSY- Trauma Center Trauma Informed Yoga (note 3 hr time difference, anyone can register from Canada or USA): https://jri.org/get-involved/tctsy-classes

https://www.thecuriouslycreative.com/list-of-creative-hobbies/

An example of TCTSY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEI-i1VJFU4&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=46&t=1214s

butterfly

Body Scan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS2yDmWk0vs&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=39&t=417s

havening https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQXbZmuSbFs&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=51

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILhPOKTTkAY&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=50

EFT (Gary Craig) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V4SWbrWTz8&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=54

Power poses for confidence by Amy Cuddy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc&list=PL9GV_JMNuQ5Ip_M6iDMnM03sTmkZOniug&index=63

Gabor Mate: When The Body Says No https://www.amazon.ca/When-Body-Says-No-Hidden/dp/0676973124/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=when+the+body+says+no&qid=1613688655&sr=8-1

Brene Brown: Daring Greatly, Rising Strong https://www.amazon.ca/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=daring+greatly&qid=1613688673&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.ca/Rising-Strong-Ability-Transforms-Parent/dp/081298580X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3TWW8L03ZO7TO&dchild=1&keywords=rising+strong+brene+brown&qid=1613688697&sprefix=rising+strong+%2Caps%2C236&sr=8-1

Bessel Van Der Kolk: The Body Keeps the Score https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma-ebook/dp/B00G3L1C2K/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=when+the+body+says+no&qid=1613688655&sr=8-4

Peter Levine Healing Trauma https://www.amazon.ca/Healing-Trauma-Pioneering-Program-Restoring-ebook/dp/B003FS0KGI/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=healing+trauma&qid=1613689149&sr=8-1

Stephen Porges: Polyvagal Theory https://www.amazon.ca/Pocket-Guide-Polyvagal-Theory-Transformative/dp/0393707873/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=porges+polyvagal&qid=1613689189&sr=8-1

Deb Dana: Polyvagal theory https://www.amazon.ca/Polyvagal-Flip-Chart-Understanding-Science/dp/0393714721/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Polyvagal+theory&qid=1613689161&sr=8-5

Adverse Childhood Experiences Study TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXXTLf7oouU

CAMH resources: https://www.camh.ca 

I liked that the book Trauma Toolbox had lots of ideas by Susan Banitt, however I found that there were parts I disagreed with based on modern PTSD research and the fact that she isn't a physician therefore didn't see risks behind some of the activities in her book. Take with a grain of salt, but she does have suggestions for non-conventional things like types of crystals, types of teas, types of epsom salts etc. I read it after making my list, but then decided to add a couple of things as part of my updated version 

See recent post on crisis resources, and covid-specific resources 

Play-writing in the Backdrop of Sikh Genocide

I was looking for play scripts in Punjabi (as a fun activity to act out) and I found this huge collection of Punjabi plays at https://gursharansinghtrust.org/playcat/punjabi. Gursharan Singh believed in the importance of the common people in the villages having access to theatre. At the time the culture was that rural people shouldn’t get access to theatre, because the actors believed that the world of theatre was above the understanding of those living in the villages of Punjab. He wrote 200 plays, and started an important movement for Punjab. The plays he wrote are on important social issues at the time and reflected what was happening for Sikhs through the ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s. It might on the surface seem something entertaining or trivial, but what he did was deeply important. In reading Dr. Van Der Kolk’s Book, The Body Keeps the Score, he has a chapter on theatre, because of the importance of theatre in helping communities come together and in helping people heal from trauma. It is an evidence-based intervention, and is even used for youth in detention in the United States as a way of helping them learn new skills like expressing emotion. I can imagine what role it must have played for people to have this available to them during the turbulence of these times and the trauma of 1984, and its aftermath. His plays included topics like women’s rights, the police atrocities, and murders of the young Sikhs. This is definitely a type of brave humanitarian work, to not only bring awareness in the forms of these plays in the streets, but also to validate the lived experience of the people and to inspire them to keep going. It is so interesting learning about people like him, there is a great bio on the website to check out that explains even more about the context of his writing. I hope that this inspires and excites someone to pursue their own passion. 

Valentine

It’s Valentine’s Day today. I guess somewhere along the line we all figure out what holidays we celebrate and how we do so, and what meanings they have to our families. I was singing this shabad today from Ang 862, written by Guru Ramdas Ji in Gond Raag, Har Darshan Ko Mera Man Bahu Tapte… (apologies the Gurmukhi doesn’t carry through here so I’m having to transliterate and translate) https://www.igurbani.com/shabad/3225?verseId=36621

Gond, Fourth Mehl:

My mind yearns so deeply for the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan, like the thirsty man without water. ||1||

My mind is pierced through by the arrow of the Lord's Love.

The Lord God knows my anguish, and the pain deep within my mind. ||1||Pause||

Whoever tells me the Stories of my Beloved Lord is my Sibling of Destiny, and my friend. ||2||

Come, and join together, O my companions; let's sing the Glorious Praises of my God, and follow the comforting advice of the True Guru.. ||3||

Please fulfill the hopes of servant Nanak, O Lord; his body finds peace and tranquility in the Blessed Vision of the Lord's Darshan. ||4||6||

 

I am reminded of a few things from this shabad. Firstly, that there is an abundance of love in the world, that Waheguru’s love is the matter that forms everything. I am reminded of the importance of cultivating that love within ourselves, that we must be kind and loving towards ourselves. When I got to the line, Mere Har Preetam Ki Koi Bat Sunave, So Bhai So Mera Bir (Whoever tells me the Stories of my Beloved Lord is my Sibling of Destiny and my friend), I really got emotional. Our whole lives we spend figuring out our sangat. I thought it was just an issue here because of our isolation in smaller centers, but it is just as much an issue for my cousins in their big cities with classes full of Sikhs and Punjabis. Guru Ji tells us that there is a rare Gurmukh. In the last few years, whatever opportunities I have gotten, small or large to meet people and soak in that feeling of talking about Sikhi, to learn and share learnings, has been so important to me. Guru Ji is telling us here in this shabad, what is the sign of a friend. Valentines has never really resonated with me personally, but I found ways to make today meaningful to me this year on my journey to self-compassion and greater spiritual awareness. 

Protection

I am shocked at the mind’s ability to manage, to compartmentalize, organize, to allow us to succeed brilliantly in one area, but also to hide away what we are not able to deal with and save it for another time when we have the skills to be able to handle it. There are things that others see that are hard for us to see ourselves. It is much easier to look in from the outside and see dysfunction, or places where there is vulnerability, to poke holes and make connections that other people don’t see for themselves. Maybe their mind has walled that off for good reason for the time being. The mind holds those types of things in a very primitive area, in the reptilian brain, that part is not cognitive. We might be totally unaware of what is very obvious to the people observing us and the closest in our lives. 

I think back to some conversations with a friend in the last few months. I truly believed in my core that I had done my introspection and peeled back the layers that I needed. There is always continuous work that we do on ourselves that never ends, but I really thought that there was nothing covered from my mind’s eye. I had done so much incredible work over the years, how was it possible that other people can see what we cannot see for ourselves after so much work. In the weeks that have passed the ice broke underneath my feet, a small crack became so large that I fell through and was submersed in the depth of what was previously covered. My mind’s eye allowed me to see what it had been protecting me from all along, the unaware and unseen reality. Truth is important to me, a core value of Sikhi. I felt embarrassed and bad thinking back to these conversations… I wasn’t trying to be deceptive. I just wasn’t able to appreciate it, take it in, look at it squarely, because it would have been unbearable at the time. It wasn’t that I wasn’t telling the truth of my reality 2, 6, 9 months ago when I spoke it. It is just that what our mind allows us to know can vary. As one Gurmukh told me, God gives us huge things in small chunks, that we are able to deal with. These “small chunks” might actually feel hugely insurmountable to us- they might not be termed small at all in western terms, like a horrible diagnosis. The relative word small comes from the fact that she was explaining that it is manageable, survivable, that it won’t wipe us out in one go. We have the ability to be resilient in the information that we know. I remember Dr. Gabor Maté coming to Prince George to talk about the illusion of the perfect childhood, and how that influences addiction histories. Letting go of the illusion of perfect, to accept the turbulence, uncertainty, and unbearable reality of the truth is applicable to various aspects of life. 

How can we open up to others what we cannot see for ourselves. Sometimes we have a small awareness, but in the act of sheltering those we love the most from pain, we hide. In that same act of shielding and “protecting” those we love the most from more pain, we numb ourselves from our own knowing and we simultaneously push them further away. We cannot be close to others if we do not also share the dark recesses of shame, self-blame, and fear. (This is the very basis of Brené Brown’s work as a shame researcher). In this way our past robs us twice, and feels like a double betrayal, one that took away our past, and continues to take away the present again and again. While it takes away each moment of the present, it robs us of our hard earned future. We work so hard to survive, to power through and fight in the struggle of this life, and it is unfair to us to lose the chance for joy, love and connection in the present moment. 

It really is impossible to do self-work all alone. Disconnection is interpreted by our nervous systems as life threat. It is visceral, it hits our gut when we experience disconnection. Our systems shut down and collapse (something described well in polyvagal theory). The wrong connections can also be life threatening, dangerous when we are rocky and people guide us in the wrong direction when we are vulnerable, or tip us the wrong way when we are already on a fine balance of survival. The right connections can be everything, the right people at the right times, the right words, or the right strategies, new ideas, can bring us a brand-new life. Yes we have to learn to navigate this on our own, but we as Sikhs have the guidance of our Sikhi. We have the guidance of our ancestors, survivors, and resilient Singhs and Singhniya. We have the guidance of our Guru. Connection doesn’t even have to be very big, it can be a single person that helps you navigate. Maybe you need a larger group of people to serve different functions and needs, most people do. We come to lean on our family members and various friends for different parts of our lives, but the warning will serve true that if we don’t see ourselves squarely and share the deep, we cannot cultivate real relationships.  

Stay safe out in that -40 weather!  

Trauma and Sikhism

Many people are affected by trauma. For Sikhs in the modern age we also have to consider intergenerational traumas from the effects of 1947 and 1984, but even after that there have been continued traumas to our people into the present day as we are seeing in the news right now with the farmer protests. I am appreciative that this has brought to light issues like farmer suicides, and the rights of our people. There can be trauma from when families immigrated to countries like Canada, the US, UK, Australia etc. – financial struggles, racism, or safety issues. There are also individual traumas like intimate partner violence/domestic violence; household violence in extended families; natural disasters; war; or childhood traumas. There are so many possibilities, and the real key feature is that trauma overwhelms our ability to cope (as defined by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, a trauma expert). The capacity to overwhelm a child is different from an adult, and in between adults. Trauma can make us act in ways we normally wouldn't and it can entirely take away our quality of life. 

I have been reading a lot about different trauma therapies on top of traditional EMDR/trauma-informed counselling approaches. There is something called polyvagal theory, which describes that our nervous system gets wired differently when we are traumatized, and we can get stuck in activated states like a fight/flight mode, but also we can get activated in a depressed, immobilized and collapsed state as well. This theory also describes why people feel unsafe in trauma, and that by activating the vagus nerve in the body, we are able to send a signal to the brain that we are safe. As I have been doing my reading, I realized that a lot of these therapies that activate the vagus nerve, and these are things that in Sikhi we have traditionally held close in our lifestyle. The first example is art and music therapy. In Sikhi, we have traditional saaj and kirtan as a form of artistic expression through music and singing. Singing as a collective (ex. sangat) is known to help people who face trauma not feel isolated, but also helps to activate the vagus nerve. Humming also serves this function. When we practice kirtan, we often practice humming the Sa note to the Tanpura to tune our voice, and indeed this is a very relaxing process. Kirtan also has the benefit of being expressive in different Raags, and I think this is a key healing tool that we have in Sikhi to be able to express emotions through different Raags. I’ve often sat in sangat and cried about various shabads as they resonate deeply within. This is the power of the shabad to heal us, and many shabads remind us that even if we’ve made mistakes we are not alone, and they give us hope and a way forward. In modern times people might find benefit out of trying out different instruments and art media like painting, sculptures, clay, etc. Another way would be writing, poetry, and journaling. Our Guru Jis did a lot of writing, and Guru Gobind Singh Ji had a court of poets. The second example is animal therapy. Horses are a very popular way of having animal therapy for trauma survivors and have played a significant role in Sikhi as evidenced by Guru Gobind Singh Ji’s Neela Ghora and Guru Har Rai’s animal sanctuary. Many people who go through trauma might have a hard time trusting with people but have an easier time with having some kind of pet. The third example would be somatic therapy. This is a type of movement-based therapy that reconnects people to their bodies. I found myself realizing a while back that I was totally dysregulated when I couldn’t even sit and eat a meal. I would have to eat a few bites and walk around, and then come back to the food, or eat it on the go. I couldn’t even be still in my body long enough to eat! We have to titrate small amounts of stillness, and this can be done through somatic therapy where we connect back to feeling the places where trauma is stored in the body. Trauma is not a verbal cognitive process, where you talk it out, it is stored as memories that are fragmented, we often don’t remember parts, and there are parts that are just senses like smells and feelings rather than a visual memory. Dr. Van Der Kolk describes trauma as “preverbal” because it is stored in a different part of the brain than language, that’s why it’s so hard to explain. Those areas of the brain shut down when we experience it, remember it or re-experience it. Simply just talking it out or being able to say it doesn’t fix it and if it’s not dealt with the body finds other ways for it to reveal itself (which I learned from the book When the Body Says No by Gabor Maté). Somatic therapy includes trauma informed yoga, tai-chi, qigong, etc. The purpose of this form of exercise is not the high intensity endorphins released when you run, or dance. The point is slow purposeful connection to the breath, and to the body’s sensations. In Sikhi we do have movement-based activities in the form of Gatka. I think the connection of the mind and body was just inherent in the past. Another example is meditation. Some of the ways that people do meditation might be loving kindness meditation (ex. Kristin Neff and Chris Germer), or mindfulness (Jon Kabat-Zinn) where people are able to just observe their thoughts and not judge them. Our equivalent to this would be simran. We also express gratitude in the form of Ardas by remembering those who sacrificed before us and being thankful for what we have. Connection is very important when it comes down to treating trauma as well. Having safe connections via online sangat, volunteering in langar or cleaning shoes together at the Gurdwara (not during covid) are ways that Sikhs have been able to foster connections. During covid we might just facetime other people or cook with someone in the household. For us we have the oral tradition of katha that also reminds us that we are resilient through our history, and that we aren’t alone in our struggles. Talk therapy does have an important role as well (although as mentioned trauma is pre-verbal too) and that probably was fulfilled in the past because the families were really big, and people in the villages were close, with elders helping to resolve problems. Now this is fulfilled via counsellors/therapists. There is something called radical acceptance which I think equates similarly to the Sikhi concept of Hukam. The quality of sleep and food was also probably a key role to the Sikhs processing what they were facing throughout our history. Some other methods that come out of trauma work are acupressure, massage, weighted blankets, progressive muscle relaxation/body scans, grounding (essential oils, jot, incense, etc.), and emotional freedom technique/tapping. A lot of concepts are now being borrowed from other cultures as we realize their evidence base and benefit in science, and I think it’s’ important for us to recognize their inherent importance in Sikhi.

As a Sikh in Canada, I do feel like we lack some of what we would have inherently had as tools through history to deal with trauma, because we are not in our traditional setting. We aren’t on the same lands – which had different temperatures, climates, support systems in extended families, animals, food, etc. We live in snowy dark regions, where we are spread out by large vast distances. Our jobs are largely now non-physical and our timing and regulation to be able to do other things can be limited by our work. Rather than art and music being daily and a part of Amrit Vela, it’s now a “hobby” if you spend time doing it. Meditation is not daily, 24/7 and learned at a young age, it is something that we learn if we are lucky, and even then, a lot of people don’t have the time in our busy lives to make it regular. We don’t have to incorporate all of these things into our lives, but I think they are useful tools that we have, that have been passed down to us by the most resilient, those who were the strongest of us as way for us to survive what we face in kaljug. There is no one distinct way of moving forward as we heal, and the story is never linearly upward, but rather a series of waves, as we navigate trying to move into a different direction. As we live in different countries, times, lives, we have to be more flexible with how we incorporate these skills, and new skills and tools at our disposal. 

When I think about one of the Gurdwaras in Pakistan I didn’t want to leave, it was warm, sunny, there was a feeling of love, connection, safety, an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and being in the present. We shouldn’t have to travel to make these experiences happen, although it can be really helpful to show us what that feels like. We can find ways to make that experience true and real when we are overcome with emotion, work, and life in the present moment. Through January I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of work I was doing and finding it really hard to figure out how to find these moments where I was trying to make change for myself. I found that time in small moments – 5 minute chunks of reading an affirmation card, or calling someone to do simran, or unwinding before bed. It isn’t easy. I realized I like to plan ahead, control things, have things be scheduled because that’s the only thing I can do. I’ve not had the luxury of predictability in my life. It’s very uncomfortable to know that we don’t always have control and choice in what happens to us and our sense of safety is so easy to snatch away. The very few things I can do, I try to do ahead because I know at the last minute, there will be something thrown at me that I will have no control over. I like to have at least some semblance of control and choice…planning and thinking ahead gives me something to hold onto. I am realizing now how much that wanting to control things has taken away from me. These 5-minute chunks, these moments of stress release just come as they come. The focus is on present moment awareness and not trying to control the next, but that only comes with practice and being able to trust that whatever comes next is not going to eat you alive. It comes with trust in yourself that you can face it as you have survived until now. I couldn't find much online about trauma and Sikhism outside of 1984 so I think we should continue to have these conversations and open up this area of discussion further.

References:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91Z2cAzzn78&t=661s Somatic Practices for Anxiety, PTSD and Stress reduction by Hannah Caratti 

Being and Doing

There are many different methods of meditation. Mindfulness is really kicking off these days, as an evidence-based way to practice being non-judgmental towards your thoughts and feelings, and being self-compassionate. In mindfulness, you just allow yourself to observe your breath and bring yourself back to that. In Sikhi we have been given simran with the “Waheguru” mantr as our form of meditation to ground us. The methods of simran also vary- we can use other mantrs like Tuhi, Har, etc.; we can do Sas-Gras/Sas-Sas with our breath, or Rom-Rom simran, or simran with the use of instruments during kirtan. Ultimately it is the remembrance of that connection to the Oneness in its various forms, so in Sikhi we don’t use images in our simran because that would be anchoring into maya. Over time our thoughts slow down, our minds stop racing, and we kindly bring ourselves back to our anchoring mantr and then the sound of Naam, and the immersion into the Anhad Bani. Our Guru Ji tells us that simran is necessary, it is not just an action of sitting and speaking, but is present in many different forms. Ath Pahr, a 24 hour simran, means our remembrance is constant even as we work, like Bhagat Namdev dying clothes in the color of God.  

Regardless of the type of meditation, some type of mental stillness is required. We live our lives nowadays on the go, not living in the present and meditation teaches you to use the present moment. When I first started to do yoga, I played it on 2x speed. I hated the slowness. The fact that you had to feel each part and breathe into it. I liked stretching, movement, not stillness. I disliked progressive muscle relaxation and baths for the same reason. You just sit there, being, feeling, and nothing to distract the mind. I figured that just being is an action that is worthy of my time. For me, simran was another act of doing, of accomplishing something. Just like 2x speed daily yoga and keeping my mind busy in every other way, was me accomplishing something. 

 

In the last 5 weeks I have learned that my constant need to be busy is because I am uncomfortable with the stillness. When I sit and feel there is too much, both physically and emotionally. I wasn’t letting the simran sink into the real self that needed it the most, rather than doing, simran is about being. In fact, as I’ve been learning more about the benefits of meditation and other activities that involve breathing related activities like yoga, qi gong, and tai-chi, I have realized that simran fulfills the same functions. In simran, we focus on our breath, the present moment. Simran is used by people with all kinds of pains, traumas, addictions etc. Simran, like other types of methods that activate our parasympathetic “rest and digest” response, and shut off our sympathetic “fight or flight mode”, makes us sleepy and even yawn. It is putting us in a deep state of relaxation. One of the methods of activating the relaxation response is by “softening the gaze”- allowing yourself to focus on the periphery of your vision. This happens in simran as well. As we advance from closed eyes simran to open eye simran, we are asked to soften our eyes.  The act of lying down, or finding a comfortable position to relax in is also key in doing sas gras simran. This allows our bodies to unwind themselves. The point of our focused time is for us to then learn this state of being, for the rest of our day. So we can stay in this mental state of present-living and being, while we do other things in life. So we can maintain this grounded state of connection, safety, and love. It teaches us a self-awareness of our inner thoughts, and inner state of being if we are living in the present moment. Simran allows us to connect to others when we might feel disconnected. It allows us to find a purpose, when we might feel lost. It teaches us how to live in the present moment and bear whatever the Hukam, and whatever the emotion of the moment without being scared. 

 

I am realizing now why simran was so important to me since it changed my life in 2016. The more data I’ve read about mindfulness, and relaxation methods to activate the vagus nerve to train the mind into relaxation, and the body-mind connection, I am realizing that simran fulfills all of these for us. As I’ve been practicing it, I’ve gone through different phases and challenges which I’ve been lucky to have guidance from the sangat and Guru Ji about how to proceed. I think the key learning for me in the last few weeks has been I have not been letting the simran into the core, the place where it needs to go to a state of being, and not doing anymore.  I lack a lot of these benefits because I was doing. I am exploring some really interesting new areas of "being" lately and I'll post about those sometime soon.