I remember when I was a little kid, we had the tenants of Taekwon-do drilled into us: courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, indomitable spirit. I never forgot these somehow, because Taekwon-do really did teach me all of those things. All my life I have learned about working hard for your goals, about never giving up on something worth pursuing. I learned to use skills to problem-solve to overcome obstacles, to take breaks if you need them, to find other ways of doing things, but not to give up. I think this is a strong part of our Sikh spirit, that we so much resilience and determination to get to where we are today because we don’t give up. I’ve realized I have a lot more gusto within me than I ever had expected.
Despite all this I think there are times that we need to stop and reassess. Is this even worth pursuing anymore? Maybe this isn’t coming together for a reason. Really a different person cannot give us this answer, it comes from knowing oneself and our own relationship to God. It can be very difficult to say ok that I tried my best, I did all this, and yet somehow feel its not gone to waste. There's a sense of self-blame that comes with that as well. Sometimes it isn’t about being better, doing more, putting in more effort- you have maximized and sacrificed, but it was never about that in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t written. I am learning that this is not the same as giving up. Not all failures come from lack of hard work or perseverance. (Isn’t it so common to blame people saying they didn’t try hard enough?) If we can even call it a failure at all, because this process requires us to redefine success. Success isn’t necessarily getting what you want or had planned. Those times are about acceptance. Those times are about recognizing that there is a limit to which we should just try and try and not get anywhere, there is a boundary to which you can invest yourself, your emotions, your hopes, and your energy. It has been very difficult for me to wrap my head around this whole concept. After spending my whole life believing that perseverance is the most important, and that almost anything is solvable, to just realizing that there are moments when one has to accept and let it go but it doesn’t mean that you didn’t work your hardest. There seems to be the desire to say "let me do better, let me work harder", but at what expense? This I think is why moh, attachment, becomes such a big issue and why we learn about hopes, wishes and desires being in rajogun. We need to be quite careful about this. This can manifest in many areas of our life.
I am finding it difficult to reconcile these two pieces, but it is starting to come together. After all, it is perseverance that got me this far in life. Hard work, determination, pushing your way and fighting your way through the difficult times pays off. That was always my favourite part of any movie, where the person works hard to achieve their goal and puts in the extra effort. It was an affirmation of my truth and the principle upon which I lived my life: fight for what you are passionate about, and don’t give up no matter what. Yet I’m learning that maybe it isn’t that black and white. In fact putting everything on the line can drain you and hurt you in the wrong circumstance. Perhaps in retrospect the pieces of our life come together in such a way that it makes you realize that God had a greater picture in mind for you than what you dreamt for yourself.
