The Power of Choice

I asked Gyani Ji some questions at the Gurdwara one afternoon last week. We sat down and started talking about life and Gurbani. He emphasized that although everything is in hukam in this world, we have to understand that God has given us the freedom of being able to choose and make decisions as humans. Gyani Ji said “why is everyone always blaming God when things go wrong? Then when things are right, we say I did so much.” Sometimes I think that we forget that we have that choice and we just kind of sit back and do nothing. I remember in one episode of Being Bliss, the guest give an example about breaking a computer. Would you sit in front of that computer and just pray for it to be fixed, or would you take steps to get it fixed? It’s more logical to actually take steps to solve the problem.

I think sometimes we get scared so we don’t try and then we think that we didn’t have the ability to choose at all. I remember this time many years ago when I was learning how to do gatka with a wooden sword, I was terrified each time someone came at me. I had to practice to learn to trust the sword would protect me and let go of my fear. I think this is similar in life- we have to overcome our fears and just go for it, no matter what the outcome. When I look back, I don’t regret ever having tried to go for something I wanted, even if things didn’t work out. It doesn’t matter how hard I worked and if I failed, because I always learned something. At the very least through that process we learn about flexibility, which is necessary as we grow in life. Recently I saw a new father crying as he held his baby for the first time. I was so touched seeing how happy the family was even though nothing had gone as planned. In these last couple of months I know it has been freeing for me to let go of arbitrary life rules I had set up a long time ago and just readjust things (For example two years ago I would have wanted to move to Ontario to do a specialty, and now I want to stay here and practice family medicine and I know that’s right for me).

I spoke to Gyani Ji again today he emphasized that we can create heaven or hell in this life depending on our choices. If we follow the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and listen to the teachings as a lifestyle then we will have a happy life. He used the example of a husband. If he follows the teachings of the Guru Granth Sahib, he will treat his wife as his best friend and he will treat her with love and respect. There will be fighting like friends fight and then get along again, but nothing major like we see between husbands and wives. It doesn’t matter if the two people have completely different backgrounds, if they follow the teachings there will be love and friendship and that is the most important. No relationship- whether its mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or parent and child will be in conflict if we see things the same way. If we see God in everyone and treat each other with love and friendship, we will be in heaven. If we simply sit at the Gurdwara and retain our stress, and don’t follow the teachings then we will remain in dukh (sadness). If we believe and have faith in Gurbani, we can trust God and let go of that stress. This is the power of the mind, and the power of choice.

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year. I hope that this year brings you lots of peace and fulfillment. May you grow ever closer on this path to being one with Waheguru!

What is Holla Mohalla?

Holla means military charge, and Mohalla means procession. Holla Mohalla is a 3 day festival held at Holgarh fort in Anandpur Sahib (and Gurdwaras across the world). This year it falls March 10-12. This is a festival started by Guru Gobind Singh Ji in 1700 for Sikhs to gather and reaffirm their commitment to the Khalsa. This was around one year after Guru Ji initially created the Khalsa, and a time during which Aurangzeb was ruling. Holla Mohalla is celebrated the day after Holi. 

Now every year Sikhs gather to have mock battles, do gatka, horse riding, and practice military exercise, in addition to doing kirtan and having music/poetry competitions. Holla Mohalla is a reminder to us of our responsibility to always fight against injustice, and of our strength as a community. The Akhand Paath for Holla Mohalla will be on the weekend of the 17th at our Gurdwara Sahib. 

Upcoming events

March 14 New Years

April 14 Vaisakhi

Surrey Naam Simran event at Guru Nanak Sikh Gurdwara: Apr 14th: 9:00AM – 9:00PM; Apr 15th: 9:00AM – 9:00PM; Apr 16th: 11:00AM – 2:00PM

April 15 Vancouver Vaisakhi Nagar Kirtan

April 22 Surrey Vaisakhi Nagar Kirtan

May 20 Prince George Vaisakhi Nagar Kirtan!!! 

References

http://dailysikhupdates.com/ten-differences-holi-holla-mohalla/

https://www.allaboutsikhs.com/sikh-festivals/the-sikh-festivals-holla-mohalla

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hola_Mohalla

https://www.sikh24.com/2012/03/06/a-short-summary-of-the-significance-of-holla-mohalla/#.WMNbTRjMzow

http://www.globalgurmat.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Holla-Mohalla.pdf 

Kaur: Warrior Princess

I step out

Seeing the world burning in poison

Suffering hands reaching out,

I dig a well

pull up the water pail by pail

Footsteps approach

I am surrounded

Whispers, fingers pointing

gossip, slander, judgment

Seeing the fire grow,

I speak

Hands coming to cover my mouth-

a young woman doesn’t know what she’s talking about

They speak for me

Decide for me

Suffocating me in their opinions

Hands trembling and bloodied, I keep working

Eyes searching for help

I find isolation.

Fear grips me

tears flow as they rip away the pail

shocked, I fall back.

Images of women raped, murdered, disfigured for speaking

for fighting, for choosing, for simply living.

And the hand is no longer over my mouth

but I’m terrified to open my eyes, nonetheless speak

In the darkness,

The cool cave of my mind, I meditate.

The screams of the world fade away

Alas I had never been awake!

Seeing now the soul lit by God,

I grab my sword and break the shackles around my feet

I stand to be seen, to speak

To fight fiercely like the warrior I was born to be  

I am finally free.

Princess, daughter of God,

I am a Kaur.

It’s almost Sikh New Years (March 14^th) and I really can’t believe the time is flying by so fast. I felt like this week it was important for me to write about being a Kaur, and the strength and confidence that has really come out of this year, so I wrote a poem. When I started to write, I realized that I couldn’t just write about victory or celebration of being a Kaur, but I also had to tell about the challenge in stepping out into the world as a Sikh woman. I think often times we feel ashamed to tell a story in which we doubted ourselves or were afraid, but the reality is that these moments do exist and it doesn’t make you a less successful in the end. It doesn’t make me less of a Kaur because I used those moments to grow, learn, and to rise up.

When I look back, I was reluctant (partly out of shyness and partly out of fear) to express the side of myself that was a confident advocate for women. I was scared of people labeling me as anti-feminist if I made “traditional” choices. I was about being criticized. For example I had this woman tell me that I was closed-minded for wanting to marry someone from my culture. In the end it was actually these types of comments that made me more and more certain that I do need to speak up. I got tired of hearing that so-and-so was a bad employee for choosing to stay home with her kids, or this person was a bad mother for working after having kids. We should simply be able to make choices that are right for our lives without being attacked for it and we don’t deserve to go through life thinking that our goals aren’t equal, that we as women aren’t equal or important. This is everyone’s responsibility. Men have a huge role in treating a woman with respect, and support her choices whether she is your mother, sister, wife, daughter, or friend. I'm glad I was able to move past that reluctance to finally be able to speak about these topics, and I think that a big part of it was freeing my mind from that fear.  

In our daily lives we all get so many opinions from media, friends, our communities (work, home, cultural, etc.). From this bombardment we start to limit ourselves by fear, shame, labels, judgment, comparison, etc. It’s like the stories of when they train young elephants by tying them to a pole with a thick rope. The elephant is unable to break free and stops trying, and then even when the thick rope is a thin string now the elephant doesn’t try. I feel like similarly, through our life, our mind learns to become an elephant tied to our string. When we are young we think we can fly, and we have wild dreams and then slowly we start to limit ourselves and the doubt builds. We get scared of just going for what we want in life. As soon as we hit a roadblock, we step back. I see the effect of thoughts on outcomes in my job all the time- it makes a big difference in someone’s healing whether or not they think they are going to get better or not. When we limit ourselves, we start to think we can’t do things even when they are easily within the realm of possibility. 

We have the capability to do so much but the mind is a slave to our thoughts. This is of course stopping us from doing a lot, but the biggest thing it’s stopping us from is meeting God! Gurbani describes the mind: “Within the mind are gems, jewels and rubies, if you listen to the Guru's Teachings, even once. The Guru has given me this one understanding: there is only the One, the Giver of all souls. May I never forget Him!” (Ang 2 Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji). So may we all focus on remembering God and finding these jewels in the mind, as we ring in the New Year. Don't know how to do kirtan?  Nervous to join simran class for the first time? Don't know how to read Gurmukhi? Let go of whatever is stopping you and just try because it's worth the effort. 

Shaheedi Saka Nankana Sahib

This weekend we remember the massacre the occurred at Nankana Sahib Feb 21, 1921. Here is the history (references provided at the bottom of this page):

Maharaja Ranjit Singh reconstructed Gurdwaras destroyed by Mughals, and gave the “Mahants” (caretakers of these Gurdwaras) property rights and land attached to the Gurdwaras. Original mahants were individuals who spread the message of Sikhi, but soon they were just corrupt individuals hungry for money generated at the Gurdwaras. At the same time, the British were afraid that if the Sikhs took control of the Gurdwaras this would further unify the Khalsa against them and cause a revolution.

Mahant Narayan Das was the caretaker of Gurdwara Nankana Sahib. He was corrupt, and allowed many bad things to happen at the Gurdwara Sahib including rapes. The Sikh congregation approached the mahant to change his ways in October 1920. He refused to change and instead turned against the Sikhs. His anti-sikh group was going to have a conference on Feb 20, 1921 in Lahore. On three different opportunities the Shiromani committee offered to meet the mahant to discuss the issues peacefully, however he never showed up. The Sikhs had a congregation on Feb 16 at Gurdwara Khara Sauda and made a decision to go in jathas to take over the Gurdwara peacefully on Feb 20 while the mahant was away. Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabbar and Bhai Lachaman Singh Dharowali were to take their jathas. 

Meanwhile, the mahant cancelled his plans for the conference and hired 400 mercentaries and made plans to kill the Sikh leaders. He contacted the British Commissioner of Lahore and acquired firearms with the help of the government (this letter exists to this day). He furthered his plan by making holes in the walls for shooting at the Sikhs, strengthening the Gurdwara gate and he got paraffin.

On Feb 19, the parbandhak committee met and decided that the jathas should not go. Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabbar was present, and dispatched a sikh to send a message to Bhai Lachaman Singh Dharowali. Bhai Lachman Singh, still following the original plan, was waiting for Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabber’s jatha. At that time Jaethedar Tehal Singh’s Jatha arrived and encouraged them to move forward. They did ardas and took a hukamnama. They left at 10 pm to reach the Gurdwara Nankana Sahib b amrit vela. More Sikhs joined for a total of 200. Although women and children were asked to go back, one child, Darbara Singh refused to leave because he was inspired by stories of shaheeds and he joined the Shaheedi Jatha.

Upon arrival at the railway crossing near Nankana Sahib, Chaudry Paul Singh Hyallpuri (another source lists that it was actually Bhai Waryam Singh) arrived to convey the decision of the Shiromani committee, however Jathedar Tehal Singh said that the ardas had already been done and the time had come for them to act. The jatha arrived at the Gurdwara and did Asa Di War. Then the mahant ordered his mercenaries to kill the Sikhs. The bullets fired hit the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and many Sikhs. The rest were slaughtered with saws and swords, and some were burned alive including the 9 year old Darbara Singh. Bhai Lachaman Singh was tied to a tree upside down and burnt alive.

News spread and Bhai Kartar Singh Jhabber arrived with 2200 men. Mr. Curry, Deputy Commissioner of Lahore, had his army surrounding the Gurdwara and warned Bhai Kartar Singh that they would shoot the Sikhs if they approached. Bhai Kartar Singh stated that they were not afraid of death, and in seeing this, Mr. Curry became worried and handed over the keys. The mahant and a select few of the mercentaries were sentenced to death (one source says that this didn’t happen and the mahant was given security).

This is the history of how the Shaheedi jatha of Sikhs, who went to peacefully take back Gurdwara Nanakana Sahib from the hands of the corrupt mahant, were massacred. We remember these Sikhs every day in our ardas. May we forever remember their sacrifice and bravery in standing up for what was right. 

References

http://manvirsingh.blogspot.ca/2014/02/sri-nankana-sahib-massacre.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nankana_massacre

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/events/nankana.html

My Big Fat Ego

”Remembering the Lord’s Name, one is rid of ego and ignorance.” (Ang 1092)

We can all easily think of examples of people with big egos. Whenever I think of ego I tend to think of people who use their status and power to influence other people – “do you have any idea who I am?!!” You can spot it from a mile away- a person who judges, gossips, dictates what everyone else should do in their life but lives the opposite themselves, the one who walks by without a hello. I think it’s easy for us to see ego in other people and harder for us to understand that we are all diseased with ego. It’s important for all of us to recognize the disease of ego in ourselves, and understand that it causes our suffering. I know I had this moment when I was angry at one of my friends and I suddenly thought: why do I have so much ego that I can’t forgive? What if I was in their shoes? It helped me to realize that we can be so blind to our own ego, and that it is far more extensive than I previously thought.

I listened to some kathas about ego this week because I felt really drawn to the topic so I’m going to share what I learned. Ego is known as homai in Gurbani. It is talked about at length because it is what separates us from God. Ultimately, the cause of all of our dukh in life is ego. In the katha, they asked the sangat what they were afraid to lose. This was a big eye opening question for me because as he listed the examples I realized, yes I would be afraid to lose those things. Yes I'm afraid to lose social status. I didn’t think that mattered to me, but if all of a sudden I go to the Gurdwara and no one says hi to me and everyone is gossiping about me behind my back and I have a poor reputation, I would be upset. Even though I don’t like to think that I define myself by things like beauty, I do and I know that because if you took it all away tomorrow I would be in dukh. So I realized that even though I've been working on it, the identity I have of myself in my head is still very much focused on maya. We tend to make our identity dependent on things that are transient, and because we are so attached we become afraid to lose them: “In egotism, one is assailed by fear; he passes his life totally troubled by fear.” 

It is ego to think that we have anything at all. None of these things that we have in this world belong to us, and certainly none of these things will come with us when we die. Be honest with yourself- are you defining yourself by wealth, beauty, youth, social status, power, relationships? What are you afraid to lose? Unless your answer is Waheguru, you are in ego too. We should love Waheguru so much that the only thing we are afraid to lose is Waheguru and it drives us to meet Him. When we are afraid to lose other things we are lost in maya. Gurbani tells us the cure for ego is Naam. If we have Naam, we have no ego. If we have ego, our mind is not in Hukam and we do not have Naam. So since we have identified our ego, now we work on overcoming it. We work on reading Gurbani, doing sewa, doing simran, and living our life according to the Guru’s teachings. The more we work, the closer we get, but we have to put a sincere effort into it, and then our ego will be eradicated. 

“Where does ego come from? How can it be removed?

Ego is a result of the Hukam that people must walk according to their past actions

Ego is a chronic disease, but it contains its own cure as well.

Give us grace, that we can do the work of Guru’s Shabad

Nanak says, listen, people in the way, your suffering will depart.”

I highly recommend listening to the katha series on ego https://mysimran.info/live-simran-course/ (videos 132-136, some of them are in two parts).

Circle of Support

It seems like lately I’ve had a lot of nights where I stayed up wondering how to “fix” tomorrow so that it would be a day to look forward to, an exciting day, and not just "another day." I was desperate for tomorrow to be different. I made a lot of changes, like going to the prayer room at the hospital first thing in the morning before I started work, and it certainly helped, but each night kind of just felt the same no matter what I did. I felt fully responsible for this emptiness and I didn't understand how to fix it. Then one night this week I was in the middle of a 31 hour shift and I was just ecstatic. It’s a feeling that I’ve missed so much. I started talking to one of my colleagues and it was clear that while he was barely keeping his eyes open, I had so much energy I was nearly bouncing off the walls. He asked me where this energy came from. A large part of it was certainly helping to deliver a baby for the first time- nothing can beat that excitement. The rest of it was the fact that I was happy that I was part of a team that treated me with respect and I felt like I belonged. I was able to function to maximum capacity instead of being in survival mode.

I think maybe because our society focuses so much on the need to be independent, and that a "strong" person does things on their own, that I started to tell myself that I shouldn’t need to rely on anyone. I thought that I could just keep praying and get some peace so my environment doesn’t bother me anymore, simple...Not that simple! You don't just do simran in one day and then suddenly the toxic work environment doesn't affect you. It takes patience and practice, and its a process that you need lots of support for. That’s the purpose of sangat, because as humans we all need connection, love, respect, and trust. Connecting is the process of having someone sit with you while you are processing what you are going through and just listening and offering to be there and pray with you and do simran with you. They are part of your healing. When I’m scared I like to hide in my turtle shell, but its when I need people the most and those who care will climb into the shell with you if you let them. It is scary to let yourself really be seen- for all the flaws, the emptiness, the hardship, and to reach out. Everyone likes to be in control, and when you step out for help you are trusting someone else with that. There have been times in my life when I simply said, I need you, but the words were so hard because I didn't want to need. I wanted to be able to do everything myself, and also because I was scared that the answer would be no. I learned that I can survive no matter what the answer is, and also that in order to get support and to trust someone you need to let go of the fear, the pride, and the control. Even when we go to Guru Ji, we need to give over our own mat and accept Gurmat.

I am still kind of making sense of all of this, but realizing that its increasingly important for me to just take in the opportunities and the times that I do get deep connections with people, even if those are one second of someone being able to just “see me” and appreciating it. In December I sang a poem about the Sahibzaade at the Gurdwara and a few days later an Uncle ji came up to me and he gave me this picture of the Sahibzaade. He told me that he felt I needed to have it. It touched my heart because it was an exchange of human understanding that he had “seen me” and understood. This moment is especially close to my heart now that Uncle Ji has passed. With all the deaths I have seen in the last two months it just continually reminds me that our time in this human form is limited. Whoever you have in your life that "sees you" and values you, no matter how long they are there, remember to love them fully and climb into that shell with them when they need it. Those moments are special and you'll never regret having reached out, having cared, having listened. Even one day of trust and respect and connection can mean the world of difference because it is universal to both want and need to be supported and feel understood. 

“God’s slaves are God’s saints and comrades, meeting with whom doubt is dispelled.” (Ang 1264)

P.S. Don’t forget about simran upstairs on Sundays at 1 pm!

Dealing with Anger/Krodh

We often spend a lot of effort investing in physical/material goals- I want a house, this job, I want big muscles, etc. I think it’s good to have ideas of where you’d like to be (while being flexible with the idea that sometimes things don’t work as you want them to). Obviously we do need to have a job to make food to feed our families for example, and it helps to have a goal in order to get the education and training needed to get there. I think, though, that we focus so much on material goals that we forget about making spiritual ones. For example, people may hold a lavish wedding costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, but perhaps the bride and groom don’t even understand what the laavan are, and what the Anand Karaj means. We’ve invested so much on the external that we don’t take out the time to discover what’s internal. In today’s topic I wanted to talk about anger and how we can focus on where we need to be as a “goal” for guiding how to respond.

Anger is universally experienced by everyone, and we tend to spread it to other people like wildfire. It can be triggered by things that are so simple like we’re angry we stepped in a puddle and ruined our clothes, or it can be more serious, like “I’m angry my spouse cheated on me.” I’ll give you a simple example from today. I just finished my four week rotation out of town and I was overjoyed to finally be coming home. An hour into my drive, in the katha I was listening to, they started to do simran. I joined in: “Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru…I forgot my stethoscope.” So I immediately think, oh no. In two hours I’m going to be sitting at this exact same spot, and still an hour away from home. How frustrating. My thoughts switched from simran to being angry in just a split second. I figured I was actually lucky that I didn’t drive all the way home before I realized, and that I listened to an extra two hours of katha instead of going home and just collapsing on my bed. It just goes to show you how our mood can change so quickly, how our thoughts are also drawn away quickly and how they can stay there if we let them. I could have spent the two hours angry about it, but instead I tried to just enjoy the katha. 

Anger can obviously be toxic to our health. Most of us have experienced physical symptoms at some point from our anger. When I was little I used to spend a lot of time angry because I thought that somehow this would show the other person how much their action had hurt me, but really all it did was continually hurt me. I’d be the one crying and with a headache and stomach ache, and the other person would still have no idea what was going on due to my lack of communication. People aren’t mind-readers and destroying your own health certainly doesn’t do anything to resolve the situation. We certainly solve problems better when two people can sit with satogun thoughts (compassion, contentment, understanding, tolerance, etc.) and communicate our issues. I know a big problem for me has been a fear of hurting the other person’s feelings, particularly if I really care about a person. I used to avoid talking about topics that were bothering me just because I didn’t want to hurt feelings and then they would build up until I was so angry it just spilled out. I think being able to discuss calmly in a satogun state and talking allows us to know that we can share things without worrying about being offensive. It allows us to build honesty/authenticity and say what’s on our mind and that’s a lot healthier. I remember one katha on mysimran.info where they describe an example where someone drives by and throws a rock at you, and you are angry so now you get repeatedly angry whenever someone drives by, or you see a rock, etc. Yes it was a hurtful thing for them to have thrown a rock at you, but the point is that you are the one now unfortunately wasting away all your time, breath, and brain space, being angry about this incident instead of enjoying your life. So it really is important to understand how being excessively angry harms our health and uses up our precious breaths.

As you know, anger is one of the 5 dhoots- lust, anger, greed, attachment, and pride. Because of this, people think anger is evil and we should just avoid being angry. It’s used as a justification to suppress it/ “get over it”/ not deal with it. In truth, the 5 really can’t be suppressed though. It’s important to remind ourselves that the 5 dhoots aren’t evil, and they can actually be useful in this life; it’s just that we need to make sure our anger doesn’t take control of our mind. For most people it does- our anger makes us say and do things we didn’t want to and it lingers on and on, so that we waste our time away from God. Our goal is really to be at an avastha (spiritual level) where we are absorbed in Naam, let go of our ego, and at a stage where it doesn’t matter if you are praised or insulted, you are just as content. I posted a lot about this topic in my post about compassion and forgiveness as well, and I think that we need to take from the example of the Guru Ji’s who were verbally and physically attacked, and yet they didn’t react in anger. They didn’t create hatred against groups of people. They did emphasis the importance of standing up for the rights of others, for example, so it doesn’t mean we should just sit still and do nothing. Reaction is certainly difference than response. Response can be silence, conversation, action, etc. and we have a responsibility to stand up for ourselves and defend others too. That’s when we can do things like use that energy to rally together and fight for or create change in a positive way. Guruka Singh from Sikhnet has a video where he talks about how we these 5 are natural energies and we have to learn to face them and understand how they are part of us. I agree and I think it’s important then to have this framework of where we are headed and what’s our definition of normal, or what we see “everyone else doing” versus what we are taught in Gurbani. Since I started implementing changes to what I thought was an ideal goal for handling situations in which I’m angry, I stopped sustaining my anger. I realized that I cannot send an energy of anger and love at the same time, and I much prefer to care and love and hopefully work to resolve the issue than sustain a grudge. I know that I need to continue to work on it though. It’s just important to continually remember what we are striving for in this life, spiritually. That is what we take with us after this body is gone. Instead of fueling our anger, put that energy into fueling our love for God by investing in learning Gurbani, doing sewa, and Naam Japna.