Marriage

“They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. They alone are called husband and wife, who have one light in two bodies.” (Ang 788 Guru Granth Sahib Ji).

I wrote a post last year about the meaning of Anand Karaj. Even after reading the translation of the laavan there is always more to learn. In the last four days I have listened to Veerji’s (Bhai Harinder Singh Ji of Nirvair Khalsa Jatha) katha on Anand Karaj. I learned a lot from the last few days and I would encourage all of you to go to the facebook page for the Nirvair Khalsa Jatha and listen to the kathas on Anand Karaj if you missed them. So far they have only posted the first day, but will be posting all of the kathas soon. Remember, the Anand Karaj is not just about physical marriage, but also about the marriage of the mind to God, which is the purpose of all of our lives.

In the katha, Veerji explained the meanings of each of the Laavs. In brief summary, the first laav is about making Guru Ji our guide, making efforts to do naam japna and understanding Gurbani. The second laav is about making the inside the same as the outside (being truthful) and removal of ego. The third is about filling the mind with love for God. The fourth laav is about sehaj (patience). He explained each in the context of the marriage of the mind with God and as well in our relationships.

In my last post about Anand Karaj I focused on the marriage of the mind to God. In this post I’m going to talk a little bit about our physical marriage. (Of course when we merge our mind with God any relationships we have will be easier.) It’s important particularly for those who are yet to be married, what a married life means, what the Anand Karaj means, what we need in a partner. When we are younger we think that a life partner is someone with a list of qualities. Ask my 11 year old cousin and she will tell you a husband needs to know how to cook and that’s most important. What we don’t realize in our youth is that skills are learned and therefore people can learn them later- there are more essential things to a relationship and we can’t and shouldn’t reduce people to a list. In particular it’s become common to get caught up in superficial things like last names, jobs, birth dates (astrology), skills, etc. Yet some people without any education at all have may have more understanding of God than someone with a million-dollar paying job. So let’s try to focus instead now on what Guru Ji tells us in the Anand Karaj.

Veerji explained in his katha that the married couple should make Guru Ji the center of their life, which is why we do parkarma during the Anand Karaj. Both partners should try to understand Gurbani and apply it to their lives. I was reading in Bhai Sewa Singh Ji’s book, Kiv Koodhe Tutay Paal, that we have arguments and fights in our relationships (ex. Families) because our thoughts are being pulled in different directions by maya. When we meditate on God and learn to think alike, the fighting ends. It’s important for us to apply our understanding of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji to our lives so we can learn to live in anand. 

The second laav explains that we should be truthful and honest with our partner. Veerji said don’t be afraid to lose relationships over truth. I used to think that being truthful was somewhat magical. They kind of tend to show that on TV- like you are honest and life is really amazing. I’ve lost friendships over truth though and it’s hard because you sometimes think well if I hadn’t been honest then I would still have that friend. Truthful living is the basis of Sikhi though, and you shouldn’t have to hide the truth to have someone stick around. As the third laav explains, we should fill the mind with love. 

Lastly, as the fourth laav explains, we should be patient with our partner, have full faith in them, and not get angry over small things. This forms a relationship of equals who respect and trust one another, who are supportive of each other. Everybody has their own marriage advice and you can find thousands of articles on how to find a partner, but we should trust the advice that Guru Ji is telling us! Let’s all apply what we have learned about the Anand Karaj to our daily lives- in our physical relationships and in our spiritual life.

Remembering our Origin

I heard this shabad in the Malton Gurdwara Sahib:

“Who is our mother, and who is our father? Where did we come from?

We are formed from the fire of the womb within and the bubble of water of the sperm. For what purpose are we created?

O my Master, who can know Your Glorious Virtues?

My own demerits cannot be counted (Pause).

I took the form of so many plants and trees and so many animals.

Many times I entered the families of snakes and flying birds.

I broke into the shops of the city and well-guarded palaces; stealing from them, I snuck home again.

I looked in front of me, and I looked behind me, but where could I hide from You?

I saw the banks of sacred rivers, the nine continents, the shops and bazaars of the cities. Taking the scale, the merchant begins to weight his actions within his own heart. As the seas and the oceans are overflowing with water, so vast are my own sins.

Please shower me with Your Mercy and take pity upon me. I am a sinking stone- please carry me across!

My soul is burning like fire and the knife is cutting deep.

Prays Nanak, recognizing the Lord’s Command I am at peace, day and night.” (Ang 156, Guru Nanak Dev Ji.)

I am awe-struck at how Guru Ji explains the game of life. In this shabad, Guru Ji explains everything from our origin (God), to the 8.4 million reincarnations in which we lived as different life forms, and the paaps committed in them. Then Guru Ji explains that by coming into Hukam we clean the mind of these past deeds and fulfill our purpose. One of the Gurmukhs I met explained how Naam is the food for the mind, and just like we work to earn food for the body we do naam japna to earn food for our minds (Naam). Giani Sant Singh Maskeen Ji explains that singing God’s praises is not God’s need but ours. Unlike people who get a really inflated sense of ego from praise, God does not grow any greater or lesser from our praise. Gurbani says, “Even if everyone were to gather together and speak of Him, He would not become any greater or lesser (Ang 9)”. We sing to clean our minds, to be at peace, and to be one with God (Jeevan mukht).

“Why should I come into the world again? Coming and going is by the Hukam of His Command; realizing His Hukam, I shall merge in Him.”

Since we have forgotten our origin and we have forgotten the game, we need to remind ourselves why we are here. Last night I attended Bhai Yadvinder Singh Ji’s jatha’s final program in Canada. Veerji said that by sitting in sangat we remember and find who we are again. This is an extremely powerful statement if we reflect on it. I know for me, sitting in sat sangat over this last year and being more involved has really helped me remember my origin and the game of life. This whole process has made me comfortable in my own skin and confident to a degree that I never was before, which feels really good! Loving yourself is not really possible if we don’t understand our real origin is Waheguru. Life feels more joyful, blissful, and just “lighter” the deeper the remembrance goes. I feel like a plant that was wilting and suddenly got watered.

“If only someone would come and introduce me to Him, the Rejuvenator of my breath of life. I cannot survive without seeing my Beloved. My eyes are welling up with tears.”

Typically when we go to the Gurdwara we sit but we let our mind wander and then we go home. Some of the experiences I have had over this last week really emphasized for me how collectively speaking together and singing in sangat keeps our mind inside, from wandering away (in addition to keeping your eyes closed or focused on reading Gurbani). While we were doing simran together I think it was the first time I actually felt everyone collectively breathing in and out at the same time for saas-graas simran and I really connected to the fact that this life breath comes from Waheguru. Tears were running pretty much continuously down my face the whole time, because it was the most intensely beautiful experience of simran that I have had. We should all allow ourselves to have these experiences. Gurbani tells us over and over that the feeling that you get is indescribable in words- you have to experience it for yourself. This is what we came to this world for. The pleasures of maya cannot parallel such an experience. We should get together in our own families and at our homes and Gurdwaras to sing kirtan and do simran together and invite others to join us.

Last year, I wrote about my experience at the Sarab Rog Ka Aukhad Naam camp. Similarly, at that camp the entire sangat sings shabads together (and shares experiences about how the treasures in Gurbani changes lives). For many people who are attending, it’s a life-altering experience because it becomes a starting point to learn more about Gurbani and people experience for the first time an understanding of the power of sangat and the basics of keeping the mind focused inwards. I know for me, from the time I went to camp last year, my knowledge and love for Gurbani has increased exponentially. My appreciation for the gifts God gives us grew a thousand fold just when I was sitting in sangat those three days- my appreciation for being born into a Sikh family, for having the Guru Granth Sahib Ji as our guide, for having had the chance to listen to kathas, meet Gurmukhs, and learning (remembering) how this game is played! Some people spend their whole lives not remembering the rules of the game God sent us in, not understanding our purpose. We are so blessed that we have our Guru Ji as our guide to remind us of our path. So I think the main points that I really wanted to pass on from the beauty of my own experience is that I wish the same for all of you. I wish I could spread the love I have in my heart to each and every person. Each of us should share our knowledge about Gurbani and experiences with other people. For example I have been taking my family to simran, reading books to them, having discussions etc. It helps to ask and answer questions together. That allows us to collectively learn and grow towards our purpose. The Guru Granth Sahib Ji is for all of humanity, so let’s learn and spread the knowledge from what we learn. Let’s do simran and sing kirtan together, and most importantly remember our root at all times, Waheguru.

Here is a link to Bhai Yadvinder Singh Ji’s program from yesterday.  https://www.facebook.com/yadwindersinghpmkcmoga/videos/1369016833152119/

Lastly, reminder about the Rainsbhai Kirtan at the Guru Nanak Darbar Gurdwara Sahib on Saturday night!

Sarah Rog Ka Aukhad Naam camp:

Let your mind be filled with love

 “Sing, and listen, and let your mind be filled with love” (Japji Sahib)

I recently read a few of Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen’s books translated into English, and I wanted to share some of what I learned in addition to some reflections. The best thing we can do with knowledge is to both apply it to our lives and to share it with other people because it’s a gift. Maskeen Ji reminds us that every relationship is dependent on memory. If you don’t remember the other person’s relation to you, how will there be a relationship? So the first step in meeting God is obviously to remember that we have a relationship with Waheguru! We can’t do simran if we don’t remember our relationship with God. I have to say that after spending years lost in thoughts and maya, I too had a difficult time remembering; after all, maya purposefully keeps us confused, entertained so we will forget our relationship to God. This is the state of the sleeping mind. I remember at the end of the day sometimes I would think oh no, I forgot to remember God all day. I got so wrapped up in my work, I didn’t stop to thank God, I didn’t stop to pray, I didn’t stop to do what I came here (in this human life) to do. In fact back then I didn’t really understand what this path was, what the purpose of life was, what remembering God meant. It wasn’t until I really just fell in love with this path and understood all those things that remembering became easy. In reality, we tend to store the bad things people said to us in our memory, and forget all that Guru Ji taught us. One of the examples in Maskeen Ji’s book was that of Suthra, originally a child that was homeless after his parents kicked him out, and then became a Brahm Gyani after Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji raised him. One day Suthra purposefully bothered the sangat, and then when the sangat complained to Guru Ji, Suthra said he didn’t remember what he had said to them, maybe if the sangat could tell him about the shabad and katha being read at that time, he could remember. Of course no one remembered, they only had remembered the words of Suthra. In this way, he taught them to keep Guru’s words in their minds first and foremost.    

Once we remember God, we must listen and pay attention to our own voice (when we do simran) and to what Guru Ji is telling us. Read the following shabad:

“Farid, the path is muddy, and the house of my Beloved is so far away. If I go out, my blanket will get soaked, but if I remain at home, then my heart will be broken. My blanket is soaked, drenched with the downpour of the Lord’s rain. I am going to meet my Friend, so that my heart will not be broken.”

I have heart this shabad almost daily for the last 10 yrs because it is part of a CD that we play at our house all the time, but I had never understood it until reading Maskeen Ji’s katha. He explains that there is a lot of mud on the path that the mind walks (to God), for example kaam, krodh, lob, moh and hankaar. He writes for example, “The mud of the other’s wife and other’s wealth is in the eyes. To hear other’s censure and one’s own praise is the sludge of the ears. The tongue has got the mud of tasting different types of food and speaking lies…” (p. 49 Prabhu Simran). The blanket in this shabad is the mind. If we walk this path, our mind is going to get muddy, meaning we will most definitely experience thoughts of things in maya while we are attempting to focus on simran or prayers. We've all sat down and had our mind wander. Yet as the shabad explains, that too is part of the path to God and you must just keep trying. Maskeen Ji explains that if we don’t try to meet God, we won’t perceive an obstacle: “Only when we start moving forward, the new come to know that it is very difficult to pass through these streets. He who has not moved cannot understand the intricacies of the spiritual path” (page 50, Prabhu Simran). If we keep trying, surely we will reach our destination. Remember, when we take steps towards God, God takes steps towards us. I’ll give you an example from my life recently. Normally, I read a lot of books about Sikhi translated from Punjabi to English. Besides reading children’s books (and Gurbani) I hadn’t tried to read an “advanced” Punjabi book in a really long time because my previous attempts had resulted in slowly stumbling over the complicated words and not understanding what I was reading. When we were buying books my Massi Ji encouraged me to buy just one in punjabi and try to read it so I bought Kiv Koode Tute Paal by Bhai Sewa Singh Ji Tarmala (a 350 page book). I often read sections of the English books to my parents at night-time; it’s a nice way to spend time with family and have everyone learn something together. So before I cracked open this book, I called my mum on the phone (since I’m in Toronto) and started reading. I was surprised that not only was I able to read quickly, but I was also able to understand. I’m now 100 pages into this book, and the fact that somehow my ability to read and understand Punjabi has improved this much is a gift from God because this book was never translated into English. Waheguru!

Lastly, to let the mind be filled with love- this comes naturally if we really do listen. I think the most encouraging kathas I have learned from and the people who have inspired me, are the ones who teach with love to uplift everyone. They spread the message that we can all meet God in this lifetime. Judging others doesn’t have a place in Sikhi- each is on their own path and God has given qualities to people as per their karma. It is kaal (governor of maya) that divides us (as per God’s Hukam). Kaal sends kaam, krodh, lob, moh and hankaar into our minds and thus we have thoughts that do not match those of other people and we fight. If only we could remember that God sent all of us here together (parents, siblings, spouses, friends) by our destiny so that we could work together and meet God together. We should teach our younger generation that our goal is to learn and this is the point of Sikhi. In order to do that, it’s important to let go of our pride. Maskeen Ji writes, “The passion to learn should prevail in every age, under all circumstances and upto the last moment… There is enough to learn and one should consider that he knows nothing, at least about Truth.” You are learning, I am learning. We shouldn’t judge another for what they don’t know, because we didn’t know before we learned. Every effort matters because we need to move through the mud to reach Waheguru. 

References:

Prabhu Simran by Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen (editor Harjit Singh)

Perfect form of Sikhism by Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen (editor Harjit Singh)

Shabad Guru Surat Dhan Chela by Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen (editor Harjit Singh)

Kiv Koode Tute Paal Bhai Sewa Singh Ji Tarmala

Parkash and Sukhasan of Guru Granth Sahib Ji

A while back I was at the Gurdwara in the evening and they were doing the Sukhasan. When we started singing the shabad “Jithe jahai bahai mera satguru” I realized that actually still didn’t know what we are singing even though I have seen the Sukhasan hundreds of times, so I decided to learn more about the Parkash and Sukhasan of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji. The following is paraphrased from sikhiwiki.org, and I attached links to videos from youtube of both the Parkash and Sukhasan, explaining in detail how this sewa is performed. 

Parkash (meaning light/awakening) is when we bring the Guru Granth Sahib Ji from the place of rest to the Darbar Hall at dawn. I just learned that the Guru Granth Sahib Ji’s room of rest is called the Sachkhand (realm of Truth). First, the Granthi matha teks, and Ardas is done. A cotton cloth (or towel) is placed on the head of the Granthi and Guru Granth Sahib JI is placed on the person’s head and carried to the Palki Sahib. Guru Ji is placed on the head to symbolize that Guru JI is above human ego. Shabads or simran are recited and everyone stands up, then when Guru Ji is taken to the palki sahib everyone matha teks and sits down. Guru Ji is placed in the center of the manji sahib and the ramallas are unwrapped. The ramallas open in a diamond shape, and a small ramalla is placed on Guru Ji. Then once again the cloth is placed on the Granthi’s head to lift up the Guru Granth Sahib Ji so that the diamond shaped ramalla can be re-folded into a rectangle. Three pillows are placed down and covered with a cotton ramalla. Guru Ji is placed down and raised vertically, then opened. We say Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. The side ramallas are placed inside the front and back covers and draped over the sides of the palki sahib, and Guru Ji is covered with 2 more ramallas. The Hukamnama is read and the Guru Ji is covered with ramallas again.

Videos of how this sewa is performed (part 1 and 2):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh1fa7baKTM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rf3vwcuDxI

Sukhasan means to attain a position (asan) of comfort (sukh), and is the name for when we retire the Guru Granth Sahib Ji at the end of the day or program. First, the Granthi takes a Hukamnama, then recites kirtan sohila, while removing the side ramallas. The Guru Granth Sahib is placed in the center of the manji sahib and covered with ramallas. The Granthi covers their head with a cloth and places the Guru Granth Sahib on their head. The rectangular ramalla is refolded into a diamond, and the Guru Granth Sahib Ji is wrapped. The side and large ramallas are placed overtop so Ardas can be done. The Granthi places the Guru Granth Sahib on their head, and walks to the Sachkhand while the sangat stands and then matha teks.

During this time we sing the shabad: Jithe Jai Behai Mera Satguru so than suhava raam raje, Gursikhi so thaan bhallia lai dhoor mukh lava. Gur sikhaa ke ghaal thaee paee jin har naam thiava. Jin Nanak satgur poojiya tin har pooj karavaa. Here is the translation: Wherever my True Guru goes and sits, that place is beautiful, O Lord King. The Guru’s Sikhs seek out that place; they take the dust and apply it to their faces. The works of the Guru’s Sikhs, who meditate on the Lord’s Name, are approved. Those who worship the True Guru, O Nanak- the Lord causes them to be worshipped in turn.

We then say Bole So Nihal, Sat Sri Akal, Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. Here are the videos of how this sewa is performed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mK88AlzjVg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BdUefP-Vuo

References:

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Sukhasan

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Prakash

Maya's Trap: Power and Control

Last year’s trip to Toronto was definitely life changing, as I wrote about in my previous posts. It was really when I found my inspiration and my own path in Sikhi. I think it is extraordinary how our destiny brings us people and experiences that fit together like a puzzle, and everything lays the foundation for what is next. Currently I’m back in Toronto mostly to work as part of my training, but I am still learning a lot (including how to play tabla!). Working in a multicultural urban setting has definitely opened my eyes to people’s stories and how they leave behind their homeland to escape violence, poverty, and discrimination to find new opportunities in Canada. When I see the struggles with unemployment, health, language difficulties, being away from supports, etc. it makes me realize the privilege I have had in being born here and knowing how to speak English. It deepens my appreciation for my parents and grandparents, in the work they did to make this life possible for me. I am thankful that I got the opportunity to come here so I could get a different experience and expand the way I see the world and the lens in which I see it.

I’m going to share something I’ve observed while I have been here. Everyday, I have gotten a lot of unsolicited advice, sometimes forcefully, about what I should be doing with my life. This advice comes from South Asian taxi drivers, patients, strangers you meet at the Gurdwara or stores for example. In our culture, people believe that young women like me don’t know what to do, or what’s good for them, and that other people should be telling them what to do. There is supposed to be no role for independence in a young woman’s life, and maybe only a limited role in a man’s. The problem is that it’s an important phase of development to find out what you want in life, what you expect, what you like, and try things out. I’m glad I’ve already gone through that and I have a strong sense of personal direction for my path, so I feel less reluctant when I decline opportunities that don’t fit what I want.

I was reading Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen’s translated book, Shabad Guru Surat Dhun Chela. He writes, “According to the Indian belief uptil today maturity, elderliness, spiritual power and foresight comes after the age of 35… It has also been agreed that wisdom develops along with the development of the body.” He goes on to describe how this isn’t true because your body can grow older without gaining any wisdom at all, and on the other hand some are born wise such as Dhroo, Prehlad, Baba Buddha Ji, the 4 Sahibzaade, and Sri Harkrishan Ji.

I think a lot of people’s forcefulness is driven by maya- people arbitrarily decide what is important. It’s important to have kids before this age, to make this much money, to work this much in this kind of job, etc. and then if other people don’t meet that, they say they have failed. They want the power of having other people live like they want them to live- it is a greed for power and control. It bothers me that people try to pressure and force others, because this is not what Sikhi taught us. This is actually one of the examples that is given in the book: Harnakish is the 70 year old father of 5 year old Prehlad, and tells him that he must worship Harknakish. Prehlad refuses and says that God is the only one that must be worshipped and remembered. Eventually Harnakish makes many attempts to kill Prehlad and is unsuccessful because Prehlad has met God. Who was wiser? Force doesn’t get us anywhere, because it falls under the category of maya. God gets us everywhere and anywhere we want to be. People’s lack of faith and trust in God makes them manipulate everything, but if we were to just see how perfectly God arranges everything maybe we would relax a little and enjoy this life! Enjoy the gifts we are given daily. We should remember to use Guru’s compass to guide our lives: “Everyone longs for You Name, but without the Guru, no one finds You. All are enticed and trapped by Maya.” Guru Ji never said life had to be unenjoyable to be successful in our religious goals. Perhaps it is the trap of old patterns in our cultural thinking that create arbitrary rules that prevent us from being able to live life to it’s fullest potential. 

Let us reflect on Giani Ji's words, "Meditation is the grand act out of all religious acts. The sound of meditation awakes the sleeping consciousness. The more a person awakes, more mature he will become, more bliss he will get and more wisdom he will acquire. A fully awakened person will become almighty God" (p. 119 Shabad Guru Surat Dhun Chela).