Mantra Art by Dr. Juss Kaur

Dr. Juss Kaur shares her beautiful artwork in which she has written thousands of "Wahegurus." Check out the video. We just bought her book and its beautiful. It's called "Mantra Art" and is available at https://www.jusskaur.com

Listening to Naam

Bhai Simranjeet Singh Tohana did a katha about following our path about how to listen to Sehaj Dhun. I will share it below, and will summarize some of what I have learned in English. Forgive me for any mistakes made. In this katha, he explains that the path of the Gurmukh is to listen to the shabad and listen, otherwise we will be burned by maya. He explains that the first step is doing simran (Gurmantar, which is “Waheguru”). So we repeat Waheguru with our eyes closed and we listen. The next step is listening to shabads. “Shabad” here means not the shabads that we listen to, as in physical words, but rather it means Naam, when we hear Waheguru’s voice. We’ve talked about this in previous posts. It is very helpful at this stage to have some sangat to give you some guidance on doing the simran and listening to Naam. After this, he explains that we get Amrit Ras in our mouths. As we have talked about previously, Amrit is not just a physical ceremony that is performed when someone wants to be baptized into Sikhi, but is also something that happens naturally as a sweet taste in the mouth of a person who listens to Naam. It is the food for the mind that is necessary for all of us. Bhai Sahib talks about how in katha the point of a katha is for us to learn. It is a type of school where we get ideas on how to walk the path and understand Gurbani. You have to do the work yourself of going home and trying to do the practical aspect of simran and listening to shabads. When we listen to shabads, we are doing Guru’s sewa. Thoughts all come from maya, but shabads come straight from Waheguru, from Truth. Therefore when we are listening to shabads, the 5 (Kaam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Hankaar) will try to pull us from our path. This can even be by creating thoughts of “gyan” or knowledge about what is supposed to be happening next. Instead, we need to let go of all of our thoughts to be able to reach higher in our path. We need to keep our bodies relaxed and not think about our bodies constantly. This is why it is so important to be in a comfortable position when you are doing simran. The first stage that happens when our body disconnects from the mind is that we fall asleep. But in order to reach Parkash, a person needs to move past this stage and stay absorbed into the Shabad. So we must practice listening to Naam while we are doing our worldly activities. He says a person who can listen for 1 pahar (3 hours) is going to naturally be able to do it for 24 hours, including while asleep. 

One of the other major points made was that he talked about how nowadays people want a quick path. They say well that sant (saint) is taking me straight to God. We think that we can pay the person to just do it for us. People are now more and more confused over time about who to follow, and families are and will continue to be more and more divided following various Babas for short periods of time. When that person is down, they will find someone else to follow, and these people will divide our families. This is a danger to us and has already started. In order to understand the rare Gurmukh who actually has followed the path and be able to identify someone to help us on our path we have to be willing to give up our egos and follow the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib Ji. 

Bhai Sahib Ji has delivered a very deep message in this katha. It might be difficult for some with lack of background information to understand, but hopefully from some of my earlier posts you can understand the basics of the terminology like “tregun”, “maya”, “tamogun, satogun, rajogun”, “shabad”, and the 5. It is helpful to build up our knowledge base, but more importantly as he mentions it is even more important for us to do our simran. To practice listening. Sikhi is not just about positive thinking. That only gets us so far. It removes us from being negative. It removes us from being caught up in the worldly everyday thinking. But it only takes us as far as satogun, which are positive thoughts, but are still a piece of Maya. Therefore Sikhi is not just about “being a good person” as I’ve heard many times in katha before. It is beyond that because we need to move beyond the maya and the thoughts that we have. To rise above thoughts it is necessary to constantly try to tune ourselves into Sach. Otherwise others will always take advantage and divide us and our families. If nothing else Maya will divide us from those that are our sangat and are meant to travel this journey with us. It's so easy. We get a thought in our mind that we cannot let go and it just propagates and we continue to keep telling ourselves the same story until it destroys our relationships. Maya is put there to trick us and confuse us and divide us. Don't let it win! In those thoughts we are so caught up that we lose sight of our actual task here, and the actual path of listening to shabads and the realization of God. 

Gurbani Grammar

I've been watching a series on Gurbani Grammar (Vyakaran) and a series on the proper pronunciation of Gurbani. I knew that the grammar of Gurbani was important towards proper pronunciation, but I also now understand how it also impacts us greatly because of interpretation. Gurbani has a very specific set of grammatical rules, that was created so that Gurbani could not be possibly misinterpreted or twisted by anyone. For example, the spellings of "Man" will be various with onkards, and syaree, or neither, and the meanings will be various depending on what has been applied. I watched an excellent series from Giani Amritpal Singh and one of the first things he mentioned is that why don't we pronounce the onkarh or syaree on the ends of words in Gurbani like Satnam, Gur Parsad, or Akal Moorat. It really caught my attention, and he showed that although it is a silent pronunciation, it is used to help us interpret the word as singular, multiple, masculine, feminine, calling out (Oh Waheguru), addressed towards us, towards others, etc. Without this understanding we will be pausing at the wrong parts in Gurbani, and reading it incorrectly. When it is read with the pauses in the wrong places, and without the emphasis on the right pronunciation, we also will have huge troubles in figuring out what the interpretation of the Gurbani is. Reading Gurbani is more than simply knowing how to read Gurmukhi and put it together.

Normally I'm not one to be interested in nouns and pronouns but this certainly was an engaging and important series and the speaker is very humorous. I think that it helps us give appreciation as well for the depth of Gurbani. I remember years ago looking at an overview of this in a different youtube series, and that was also very good and again the speaker was really funny. In that one, he reminded us as well that the reason why certain words are written as they are is because of the poetic measure of Gurbani and the need to pay attention to the lengths of the words, the Raag, and the formatting.

On his last video Giani Ji summarized beautifully that the three meanings of Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru in Ardas together are to remember God when we speak, when we act, and through our thoughts, and to ensure that when people leave the Gurdwara Sahib they really think wow the sewadars are treating us with the love of God when they speak to us, in their actions and thoughts towards us. I think its something important for each of us to enact into our everyday lives.

Here's the series. There's 7 days of Vyakaran and then 3 days of Shudh Ucharan.


Link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux3cqix6J4s 

Compilation of Sikh Resources

I have slowly been collecting some useful resources for learning Sikhi. Being born in Canada, I think the perspective of learning about Sikhi and the opportunities are vastly different than if we were in a Khalsa school in India. I know for example, my dad learned a ton about Sikhi in his formative years due to his schooling. This is even further limited for those of us living in smaller towns, and then for those who can only read English or haven’t learned how to read Gurmukhi. Unfortunately English translations are limited in what they can provide us. Sometimes they are formalized, or don’t make sense or provide context. I think it would be great for example if it mentions someone’s name to tell us who that person was. What is the context? We have gone through some of these resources in various settings in the past, but I will add on and just make a list here. If you have some suggestions be sure to let me know!  

LEARNING GURBANI

I think one of the best ways is if you can’t read Gurmukhi, start learning that with your basic ooda aada, because eventually your understanding will increase greatly. One place you can find this is Basics of Sikhi, where they have made some videos on reading Gurmukhi: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5UNLfJ1TsJm0OHEOslS3NOqGduHwggGg

At the same time start reading the phonetic versions of the Gurbani and listen over and over. I memorized kirtan sohila from listening to my mom reading over and over at bedtime for us growing up. It is very helpful to listen. Start with your basic nitnem and move on from there. Nitnem videos can be found anywhere on youtube. Complete audio of Guru Granth Sahib Ji is here http://www.gurugranthsahib.com/index.html I really liked that there was a youtube version as it can be sped up, but at baseline is a slow version of Guru Granth Sahib Ji page by page with English translation. I used this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d_GM5rNxOI If you go to larger Gurdwara Sahibs they often have Santhiya classes (how to pronounce the Gurbani and read it properly). There are a lot of nitnem apps, I really like Sundar Gutka, although there are multiple versions of this. 

As for understanding, we must also understand. So direct English translations are available through various platforms. Srigranth.org goes page by page and also has a search button http://www.srigranth.org/servlet/gurbani.gurbani?S=y. When you are at the Gurdwara, most likely if they have a projector they are translating from sikhitothemax https://www.sikhitothemax.org. You can pull up the shabads yourself on your phone. I like the app igurbani but it requires you to be able to search in Gurmukhi. If you want to search in English, use sikhitothemax. 

As for deeper understanding of Gurbani, I just downloaded Isher Micromedia app (on android it is called Gurbani Explorer). It is a reference for Gurbani as well, but is available in both English and Gurmukhi, and has translations from various sources, in much more detail. One of the texts I actually got told about early on from Sikhnet was Professor Sahib Singh Ji’s translations. While these are in Punjabi, I’ve been told they are extremely helpful to the understanding of Gurbani and have added them to my list to read. These can be found online at http://www.gurugranthdarpan.net/darpan.html. The Isher Micromedia app has those translations available as well. On youtube you can watch a lot of videos on Gurbani Vyakaran (Grammer). One example of this is vyakaran https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGox2Pz9918&list=WL&index=6&t=68s. The Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Academy (link is below in important texts), they have three pdfs on Gurbani Vyakaran, Ucharan, and Kav. Another great resource for a deeper understanding is the Mahan Kosh, this is a dictionary or encyclopedia of terms used in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. I was able to find it online just by searching for a pdf: http://old.sgpc.net/CDN/Mahankosh.pdf. The english version is available on Gurmat Veechar (see the link in important texts below). Also there are the Vaaran Bhai Gurdas. These are the “key” to the Guru Granth Sahib Ji. They have been translated into English by Bhai Jodh Singh Ji. For more information about English translations of Guru Granth Sahib Ji check out http://www.sikhs.org/english/frame.html

Of course it is important to develop a relationship with your Guru. I have really found Sikhnet’s Gurbani media center to be very useful https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal  

ACCESS TO IMPORTANT TEXTS

The following websites are useful because they have downloads of important texts and books in English and Punjabi for free. 

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Academy https://sggsacademy.com/gurbani-understanding/# has some great documents and history. Their facebook page has some amazing history 

http://www.ik13.com/bhai-daya-singh-ji-online-library/

http://www.gurmatveechar.com  all the English translations of Guru Granth Sahib Ji are available here. 

Sikh book club http://www.sikhbookclub.com (register for free)

http://www.vidhia.com

KATHA

Katha is a further way for us to try to dig deep and understand Sikhi. 

Nanak Naam has excellent English kathas: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCevfxDIvmjSkE9KIwlf6-MQ

Basics of Sikhi have English Kathas https://www.youtube.com/user/basicsofsikhi

Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen’s Punjab kathas can be found on youtube, as well as his books can be read on the links above at sikhbookclub. 

The Harpreet Singh Show also has various topics on the show. Many are religious topics, for example talks by Bhai Ram Singh Ji and Bhai Swaran Singh Ji https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC14gdHoacZUaI6SBiCPImtA

HISTORY

Some great websites for history:

Discover Sikhism http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikhism/discover_sikhism.html

sikhiwiki is useful for searching up history https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Main_Page

Bhai Manvir Singh has some very well researched videos in English on history. They are on various channels on youtube. 
Illustrated Life Stories of Guru Sahibs' book 
The Guru's Word and Illustrated Sikh History Santokh Singh

SIMRAN

mysimran.info has unfortunately taken down their youtube videos but they have a website and hold camps for simran. Bhai Ajit Singh Ji in the UK and Prabh Milne Ka Chao (Canada, and India) also have the same purpose. They all do katha and simran.

PMKC https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHHc9uXG4gggMJtyVOMmKvA

mysimran.info https://mysimran.info

MUSICAL APPS

itablapro (pay app, electronic tabla), saajtuner (helps to tune traditional saaj). 

If you are interested in learning how to do kirtan, there are lots of channels on youtube. Just search “learn” then the shabad’s name, or “learn kirtan.” 

There are lots of channels to listen to kirtan as well. We did a post a little while back about different styles of kirtan and some people that you can try to listen to explore these. 

Sikhnet has an excellent app called gurbaniMC that you can listen to kirtan for free. On the sikhnet website you can download these shabads as well www.sikhnet.com

Another kirtan website I just found was https://www.sikhroots.com  

These are the musical versions from Baru Sahib of our morning Nitnem in raags https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-lVX9SVX-g&index=1&t=5s&list=PLzgHQmDWBzdSzPxpDG8CSRI61baunbBhn  

BOOKS

It’s so hard for me to choose since there are so many great ones. I’ll highlight a couple of my favourites. 

Forgetting the way of Love by Bhai Sewa Singh Tarmala also in Punjabi as Pantha Prem Na Janyaye. This is part of a huge series of books, most of them are in Punjabi but this one has been translated to English. 

Se Kinehiya Part 1 and 2 (English and Punjabi) by Sant Sewa Singh Ji

Wisdom of Sikhism (English)

Gurbani Healing Guide: Sarab Rog Ka Aukhad Naam (English and Punjabi). https://www.curesbygurbani.com/shabad-pdf/

Dukh Bhanjan Tera Naam Ji also has a similar book: Gurbani Sukh-Sagar Ocean of Happiness in English and Punjabi available at their camps 

OTHER

Sikh Channel is a youtube channel showcasing different topics https://www.youtube.com/user/sikhchannelvideos  

Gurbani blog: Gurbani.org http://gurbani.org I haven’t checked this out but it seems like there is a lot of articles in English. 

Punjabi Community Health Services Although this is not a “sikh” resource it is a great one for our Punjabi community and its topics can be linked to Sikhi. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj5FmFVCM6Xd39xVbMertfg

NEEDING HELP?

Sikhnet has a discussion forum to help anyone that needs advice from your fellow Sikhs. Just be mindful there are people like you and me on there. https://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/

The UK has a sikh help line https://www.sikhhelpline.com I’m not sure if they accept calls internationally. 

Sikh family helpline Canada 1-800-551-9128 I’ve never used this but hopefully it is helpful. 

Deeper Understandings

As we progress in our spirituality I think we learn a lot more about the layers of the basic tenants of Sikhi. The concepts of God, hukam, ardas, langar even… everything can be understood on deeper levels. Gurbani tells us “if you will bless me with happiness, then I will worship and adore you. Even in pain, I will meditate on you. Even if you give me hunger, I will still feel satisfied; I am joyful, even in the midst of sorrow.” The last two weeks has given me a lot more perspective on this line of Gurbani. It is certainly difficult to meditate under some life circumstances. It makes us realize the importance of practicing simran constantly, so in the times that we are ill, the times that we are facing dukh and difficulty, that we can fall upon our patterns of practice. In fact someone recently told me those that will meditate do face significant takleef in life. When we look back at the lives of Bhagat Kabeer, or even Guru Nanak Dev Ji, we can see that indeed they did face so much adversity for walking the true path of God. The difficulties are not experienced as such by someone who lovingly walks the way of God, but I think that by external circumstance certainly we can see that people were trying to make the life of Kabeer and Namdev very difficult. There was a lot of enmity towards them. I mean Wali Kandhari even tried to roll down the rock to kill Guru Nanak Dev Ji. The attempts on the lives of these spiritual souls was multiple. 

One of the things that I have learned a lot more about in the last few weeks is about Ardas. Doing ardas is something that we are all familiar as as Sikhs. We do our collective Ardas when we stand at the Gurdwara and have been doing Ardas since childhood. When we are little all we kind of think about is perhaps how long the ardas is and our minds are wandering around in different directions looking at different people. When we grow older I think a lot of us see our Ardas as a way to unburden the mind, ask God for forgiveness, or ask for the things we want, ask for blessings, ask for direction. I have heard from many people of a higher spiritual avastha than me over the years saying not to do ardas for others. I certainly didn’t understand this, I thought when you do ardas for others you are doing something good for them. After all the intention with our ardas for someone is that we want something positive for them, we are doing ardas for their healing, their wellbeing, etc. So why not do ardas for certain people? Or for ourselves? After all, God is infinite. It is not as if I am using up limited resources towards a specific person. In the Ardas at the Gurdwara we always hear of people doing ardas for all kinds of material things or days. 

I watched a Nanak Naam video on ardas but I also talked to a Gurmukh and I understand now what that isn’t true. It is an ask of us to have God change Hukam. Let us think back to the story of Baba Atal Rai. Baba Atal Rai was the son of Guru Hargobind Sahib and a wise child. Guru Ji used to encourage Baba Atal Rai that he needed to be very careful with the power that he had. Baba Ji had a friend named Mohan. In the middle of the night Mohan was bitten by a Cobra, and he died. When he didn’t arrive to play, Baba Ji went and found out he was dead. He used his powers to awaken Mohan. Guru Ji was unhappy to hear this news, as he said that Baba Atal Rai had not obeyed Hukam. Now every time a boy died, they would have to decide who would live or die, when that is not in our hands. He reminded Atal Rai that Guru Arjan Dev Ji taught to accept God’s will even during their Shaheedi. Baba Ji took a bath, recited Gurbani and left for home. Guru Ji said “all those who are born must die. Such is the Almighty’s Will. What pleases Him is good. We should accept it cheerfully. Atal’s name and fame shall live forever.” At the place of Baba Ji’s cremation, there is a 9 storied Gurdwara, for the 9 years he lived. This sakhi of Baba Ji’s life reminds us of the importance of acceptance of Hukam. While Baba Ji had the power to bring Mohan back to life, he shouldn’t have. 

I think that this is also a lesson to us when we do our ardas to have acceptance of God’s hukam. At the same time, we need to understand that acceptance of Hukam doesn’t mean we don’t act in our life. We can ask Guru Ji for guidance for a direction for ourselves, and they will give it in Hukamnama. We do act and make decisions, and that is Hukam as well. The other thing that goes wrong when we do ardas to God for things, is that we believe that this external God will do things for us. This God that is outside, up above, rather than the being that is within, all around, permeating everything and inside ourselves already. Bhai Satpal Singh describes how the ardas is not about “shifting the entire universe” to how we want things. It should be about giving up our own ego. He says when we do ardas to save a child for example, we are asking out of our attachment, out of the thought that life is better than death, out of our own understanding of how long this child should be living. He reminds us Guru Gobind Singh Ji didn’t do ardas for saving his own children and that Gurbani says “To ask for any other than You, Lord is the most miserable of miseries. Please bless me with your Name and make me content; may the hunger of my mind be satisfied.” Gurbani tells us very clearly not to ask for things, our only prayer is for Naam. Thus asking for even things that have a “good” intention, is going to bring us pain because it comes from ego, it comes from what “I” want. He describes the same is true of doing many paaths for someone or something.

We do need to remember that each of us has the power to do our ardas ourselves. It isn’t a more meaningful ardas when someone else does it. In Sikhi we do not have a priestly class, we don’t have castes or classes at all. I asked a Gurmukh how we help others if we can’t do ardas for them. They said to encourage the individual to do simran themselves. If they can’t and are ill for example, we can sit by them and do the simran and read paath and they can listen. This is useful because it is about getting the person themselves to listen, or learn from Gurbani. Even with being ill myself, I have learned that the time of illness brings us closer to our direction significantly. The time given is given to remind us of our purpose and give us time to do simran. 

As we gain in our understanding of Ardas I think it is something deeper to be reflected upon.  What do we say in our ardas? 

References: 

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Baba_Atal_Rai

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xiThn3o8gc Why we do Ardas? Nanak Naam

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBTak3TSN-g How to Do Ardas by Nanak Naam 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Df1M7r5jwQ Should we pray for another’s’ health? Nanak Naam 

Prakash Divas Sri Guru Amardas Ji

Today is the celebration of the birth of Guru Amar Das Ji. Guru Ji was born in Basarke, Amritsar, to parents Sri Tej Bhan Ji and Mata Lachmi Ji. Guru Ji worked as a shopkeeper, and married Mata Mansa Devi. Their children were Bhai Mohan, Bhai Mohri, Bibi Dani, and Bibi Bhani (she went on to marry Guru Ram Das Ji). In his younger days, before Bhai Amar Das Ji became Guru, he was a devout Hindu. At the age of 61, one day he heard the hymns of Guru Nanak Dev Ji being sung by his nice-in-law, Bibi Amro Ji (daughter of Guru Angad Dev Ji). These touched him so much, he went to meet Guru Angad Dev Ji and become a devout Sikh. He would carry water daily, wash Guru Ji’s clothes, and collect wood for langar. At the age of 73 he was named successor to Guru Angad Dev Ji. At the same time, Guru Angad Dev Ji’s son, Datu was jealous and called himself Guru. He went and physically kicked Guru Amar Das Ji off his chair, shocking the entire sangat. Guru Ji, however, said “‘I am old and my bones have grown very hard, I fear they have hurt your tender foot’”(1). He left the city of Goindwal, which he had established, and went to Basarke for meditation. He left a sign on the front door saying that whoever opened it wasn’t a Sikh and that he wasn’t their Guru. A group of Sikhs led by Baba Budda Ji cut a hole through the wall instead and asked Guru Ji to show them direction. Thus he went back to Goindwal. He contributed 907 hymns to the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, and composed Anand Sahib. Guru Ji also introduced the Anand Karaj (“blissful union”; our wedding ceremony) and the laavan were composed by Guru Ram Das Ji. Guru Ji established “manjis” as a system manage the congregation. He also was a strong advocate for equality and rights of women. Guru ji selected the site for construction of Harmandir Sahib, and constructed Baoli (a well of 84 steps) at Goindwal. He also continued to fight against casteism. He convinced emperor Akbar to waive the tax he put on non-Muslims crossing Yamuna and Ganga rivers.

Happy Prakash Divas. May we celebrate Guru Ji's teachings and live by their example. 

References: http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Guru_Amar_Das

Mother-In-Law

I was watching a video from Jessi Kaur on Gurmat and saw she was a TED speaker. I fell upon her video on mother-in-laws where she talks about the fact that people notoriously complain about the mother-in-law daughter-in-law conflict in all cultures. I clearly remember watching the movie “Monster-In-Law” as a kid where Jennifer Lawrence is in a conflict with her mother-in-law right up until the wedding where they both agree to get along. This isn’t just a common movie theme, but also just a really common family conflict. I think it is a hugely important issue in a family because it affects the nature of the interaction. In Punjabi families, it is typically more of an issue for the guy’s mom and the girl just because of the nature of the bride going to live with her in-laws family, but it can obviously go both ways. If you’re Punjabi you really do marry into the whole family. I see a lot of posts on Sikh discussion groups about in-law conflicts and I think this can be a huge source of strain in a marriage. At its extreme, women have been murdered by their in-law families. That type of in-law relationship is not one that we are discussing today.  

We should think about changing the narrative of the mother-in-law story. I’m not sure how we can do that, but it is something to think about. I think it is something to think about on various aspects of understanding, that a mother is now having to share her son or daughter with this other person. A mother always hold a very special place for her child. For a mom “giving away” her daughter, it can be a really big step in emptying out the nest and going on to let her leave and live her own life. She wants to be a part of that process. The involvement of the bride's parents after marriage was traditionally little because of physical distance (being in different villages), and often now still can be minimal. For a mom whose son is getting married, it is also a big step to be able to realize that the time and attention of her son will be divided to someone else now. What is supposed to be a natural transition in life, I think perhaps isn’t that easy when we are really close to our families. Especially since marriages are happening later in life now, we spend a lot more years with our families before we move on to building our own. It takes time and adjustment to settle into a new life. In Punjabi families, we have families with kids and we want them to be able to share time with both sets of grandparents so it is important for us to work on relationships on both sides and be happy to get together for family celebrations. From the perspective of a new bride I think people do have to understand the hardships of starting up in an already-established household and the way people do things. If the couple chooses to go out and live on their own, this is true for both of them. It will be interesting to see how living in western society changes the in-law relationships, and the fact that we are more likely to choose our own matches rather than having an arranged marriage so the families are less involved upfront. 

I think often we hear from people’s stories that there was a misunderstanding or conflict from the beginning that was never cleared up. I think our conflict management skills in Punjabi culture are generally lacking. We really don’t clearly just talk openly and resolve the misunderstanding, or clear up the assumption. A lot of conflict resolution is integral to Sikhi Gurmat. It is letting one’s ego go, it is meditation together, it is getting the thoughts on the same page, it is humility, it is accepting that you made a mistake, it is empathy for the other and putting yourself in their shoes. Sikhi also teaches us about not attaching ourselves too deeply to our relationships. I think that we can bring all of these things up when we have discussions about a conflict. I get that no one wants a monster of a mother-in-law, or a daughter-in-law that comes and destroys the household. It is the worst nightmare to have a peaceful family disrupted. At the same time if we change our language and our expectations, that also changes things. If we think that this will always be true and there’s no way of changing it, that is setting us up for failure. Just because things are one way, doesn’t mean they can’t change; Jessi Kaur shows that in her example. One of the things we can imagine is how Mata Jito Ji would have interacted with Mata Gujri Ji as her mother-in-law. I think that conflict isn’t as hard to resolve sometimes as we think it is, but we have to be willing to put in the work to just have that discussion. Personally I have realized a lot of misunderstandings can be clarified by discussion and perspective. 

Here's the video below: 

Cooking

I will admit that I’m not the best cook. I’ve probably got a 50/50 chance of a new recipe turning out decent. I know that it is very traditional for Punjabi girls to know how to cook, but I guess I spent my time studying instead of baking and got behind on that. Maybe not everyone has to learn how, but I think a knowledge of life skills like cooking are very helpful regardless of gender. My dad is an excellent chef and enjoys cooking alongside my mom anytime we have company over. 

I think perhaps there is a resistance nowadays to saying girls need to know how to cook. There are other values that are also extremely important. Being able to make a good cha for my in-laws isn’t as important as me having spiritual knowledge and other attributes. We don’t want to reduce women to “just” being in the kitchen, or the primary and sole purpose to just be that. At the same time, women traditionally have played that role in the generations before us, and played it well. Cooking is a really nice thing for the family. When we cook for ourselves and our families, we also know we are providing healthier options than eating out. We are providing nutrition, healing, an certain environment, like we talked about in the previous post on food. Cooking provides a service to the community as well. When we volunteer in the langar, we help to fulfill all of the objectives of the langar. It reminds me of role models like Mata Khivi Ji. Being in the kitchen is not a “just” being in the kitchen, just like being a mother is not “just” being a mother. It is a really important role that someone does fulfill for the family. We shouldn’t resist the traditional just because its traditional and we think being modern should be different. The traditional holds some very important treasures in it as well. Like I mentioned above, probably everyone can benefit from learning how to cook because it’s a life skill. If one partner is sick, or one member of the family cannot do it for some reason, then another can step up. It’s part of dividing household responsibilities. If you are going to have kids, knowing how and what to feed your children is all a part of raising them. Maybe you will enjoy cooking alongside your partner, parents, or in-laws. 

I got out my old recipe book from when I was living alone and started building off of it. I won’t become a gifted chef all of a sudden but I figured with a 50% success rate, out of 50 recipes at least I will have 25 new ones that work well. 

Langar pictures: 

“Dangers” of Katha

There are so many benefits to listening to katha. Katha is an important way for us to understand Gurbani, and to learn about our history as well. We can learn about the application and we can learn how various parts of Gurbani are linked together. Katha can inspire us towards our purpose. Given how much katha is available online and how many people are doing katha, I think we also need to have some awareness about some issues. 

Firstly one could be listening to katha mindlessly, as one listens to podcasts or movies. I think there is some benefit to this. For example I listen to katha when I’m exercising, because it helps me feel like I am learning something. At the same time the risk is that one’s full attention is not in the katha and so you likely will only get to pick up a portion of what you would have otherwise. Sitting and writing down what you learn is ideal. The other alternative is listening and not understanding anything. The benefit of at least a partial English katha is that the younger generation can relate easier. As mentioned before, as I child I really honestly found katha to be the most “boring” part of the Gurdwara. This was because I didn’t understand what they were talking about. There would be Punjabi terms I had not heard of before and I would get distracted and start drawing on the carpet or playing with the edges of my chunni. Because of lack of understanding one could also misinterpret katha due to lack of understanding. We might not be at the right spiritual avastha (“state/stage”) to be able to make sense of what is being said. It might even lead us astray from our path. The sangat will be made up of people at various avasthas and because of that, not everyone may relate or understand the complexity of what is being said. 

One of the other big risks in katha is that we listen with the intent that the information applies to everyone else but ourselves. When the individual doing the katha talks about general patterns, we might say “yes so and so does that.” This just reconfirms and further propagates the ego. They might be talking about not doing nindiya and chugli (slander and gossip) and we are thinking “oh so and so gossips a lot.” Instead of working on ourselves, we are looking outward. The sangat is nodding not because they are realizing for themselves, the flaws within that need to be worked on, but because they are entertained that everyone else is wrong and I am right. One could also listen and not question the individual. We need to confirm our understanding with Guru Granth Sahib Ji and ensure we are following Gurmat.  

Lastly, I was thinking last night as I went to bed that one could listen and listen to kathas but not actually do anything. One could skip doing their paath, simran, and all practical knowledge. These are important. One needs to do the practice, especially simran, in order to truly walk one’s own journey. 

Perhaps 'dangers' isn’t the right word, but certainly there are inherent risks of turning the katha which was intended to enlighten one’s experience, into the wrong direction. Just like we use media literacy and debunk all those fake videos people send us on whatsapp, it is important to take a katha into context. We should share the positive kathas we see and what we learn with others so their knowledge can grow as well and we can have interesting conversations that challenge us. Perhaps there will be parts that you didn’t understand, or that someone else understood differently and those are points of conversation. We frequently talk about katha at my house since we all usually end up watching different kathas at different times. 

As a sidenote, a few of my fellow Kaurs are planning on starting a kirtan program next Sunday online for the sangat to join from home. We will send out the links to local sangat or find a way of distribution, likely through facebook so that we can continue the concept of virtual sangat. If anyone wants to listen to live Akhand Paath, it has been ongoing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyFMsqbC8XE&app=desktop The links tend to change every couple of days, but its the same youtube channel Mr Singh Production, Live Akhand Paath. The readers are generally reading at a slow pace and it is easy to follow. Absolutely beautifully done. 

Why does Sikhi Matter?

I saw a great talk from Bhai Satpal Singh recently of the Nanak Naam charity and put in the link below. He talked about the life that society has outlined for us to live versus the gurmat way. This is something that I have reflected on greatly over the years. Ultimately the Gurmat way, is one that isn’t really understood through reading about it, but about applying the knowledge and living it. It is difficult for us to live in a society where the teachings and external messages we receive from tv, from social media, from the internet, are the opposite of what Gurbani tells us. Even things like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, or you “should” feel sad about certain things, or shouldn’t think about death, the approach to trauma, the way events are perceived. When I was growing up the strongest influencers of my perception of what my life should be were my parents, then school friends, then probably TV. Now the media's influence is growing ever stronger. They have more ways of reaching us. This is probably why our sangat is more important than ever, because if people are telling you the same things, reinforcing your addictions to your phone and social media, and to the world, it isn’t the gurmat way. You do have to make a choice about which things are influencing your thinking and how they are. To break the old habits takes practice. This is why I am realizing Gurbani talks about the fact that you can read and read, but never understand. There are so many things you can delve into. You could become a master of Sikh history. You could learn every detail about when people were born and who did what, and who was related to who over the hundreds of years. You could get into learning the languages that compose Gurbani, you could get into learning about poetic measures, you could learn in detail about raags and instruments, you could study and study various religious texts. At the end of the day, the application is what is important. Are you learning for the sake of learning or is it inspiring a love for this path. It is how you are living day to day and applying Gurmat to the challenges of life. It's ok to learn a lot of history, if its helping you to learn applications to your life now and realize "oh yes this is how our Guru Jis dealt with this scenario", but its different from when you are learning to be the best or know the most. 

Bhai Satpal Singh talks about how there are two religions in the world. 1) Allowing society to define what your life is, how we should be, and in this religion the God is maya (materialism) and 2) traditional religion which defines what your values are and who you should be. He describes that the youth nowadays want the tangible- the likes on Instagram, the instant good feeling and not the intangible God, not the reward in the afterlife. He talks about how Gurmat is a different way of life, for all of humanity. He says the focus of the game is not me. He asks us to define whether this life is working for us, and will life be good if we lose what we have or don’t get what we want? He says eventually most of us realize that we’ve tried everything and we haven’t gotten anywhere. 

I think we need to teach our youth that Sikhi is relevant. Even people in the generations before us might have been doing things for the sake of doing them- doing paath, following through with the physical appearance of Sikhi, for a reward later, while not understanding the application, or how to incorporate that into today’s day and age. Personally I can be honest that the very reason I found this path was dukh. It was out of a feeling that my life wasn’t giving me what I needed and I needed to find out why it was feeling so empty. I knew that there had to be an answer for that within Sikhi. It was having the right sangat, a friend who sparked my interest in Sikhi again and reading books around it. It was realizing that life just wasn’t working for me the way it was. I didn’t want to do things because I had to. I knew growing up that Sikhi must have something to offer that I didn’t yet understand. Now after all these years it is so obvious to me why Sikhi matters. It has the power to transform our lives, to end the very cycle of suffering that we are imprisoned in. It is the path of Truth. Sikhi matters because it has the answers you are looking for in your life right now. It is the relevance to the here and now that we need to be teaching our youth. You've fallen ill? Your friend died? You feel lost? Gurbani has a wealth of knowledge and direction for us. 

link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ0sy4CQNd4