Internet safety has to start at a young age when children start to use the internet. They soon start to make friends on various online locations that we may not even realize, like through video games. Rather than being a one time discussion, internet safety is an ongoing conversation as children age to teens, about online presence and texting. For adults, internet safety extends to protecting our personal information, our photos, and staying safe from scams/viruses. Sometimes we think that we are fully aware and that we can never get scams, but we are all at risk. Scams are becoming increasingly complex so that emails appear almost exactly like from a certain company with a few minor details changed, phone calls seem like the caller ID is from a legitimate caller when it has been hacked, etc. It is therefore important for all age groups.
I am always surprised at the number of Sikh youth that talk about going to meet someone that they have only known online. It seems like the risk of meeting a stranger is minimized because they feel that this “friend” is now familiar to them. Also, there isn’t a realization that people may not be who they say they are, or even the picture that they posted of who they are. I had a friend who ended up with a stalker because of a similar situation where she went to go meet someone she met online. It brings to light the importance of internet safety, and teaching youth about the dangers of adding friends to social media that they haven’t met in real life.
I personally had one time when I broke my rule of not talking to someone online who I had not known in real life. It started as a religious conversation from someone who saw me make a comment on a Simran post. We discussed Gurbani, then all of a sudden the conversation turned in a very uncomfortable direction so I told him that I didn’t like where things were going, ending the conversation. I wondered if I was wrong about feeling unsafe because this person had discussed Gurbani, so I shared this message with my “brother” (who happens to be a Raagi Singh). I wondered if from a guy’s perspective his opinion would be different. Instead he actually thought it was more serious than even I had thought, confirming that he felt this person was falsely using the pretence of speaking about Gurbani in order to use me. He was actually quite disturbed by what was written and told me to block him. I was kind of embarrassed because I had broken my own rule of not talking to strangers online. I started sharing the story with other people to help us realize that it can be any of us that are fooled, especially when people are pretending to be religious or relate to us in some way that they know is important to us.
I personally had one time when I broke my rule of not talking to someone online who I had not known in real life. It started as a religious conversation from someone who saw me make a comment on a Simran post. We discussed Gurbani, then all of a sudden the conversation turned in a very uncomfortable direction so I told him that I didn’t like where things were going, ending the conversation. I wondered if I was wrong about feeling unsafe because this person had discussed Gurbani, so I shared this message with my “brother” (who happens to be a Raagi Singh). I wondered if from a guy’s perspective his opinion would be different. Instead he actually thought it was more serious than even I had thought, confirming that he felt this person was falsely using the pretence of speaking about Gurbani in order to use me. He was actually quite disturbed by what was written and told me to block him. I was kind of embarrassed because I had broken my own rule of not talking to strangers online. I started sharing the story with other people to help us realize that it can be any of us that are fooled, especially when people are pretending to be religious or relate to us in some way that they know is important to us.
On top of the dangers of meeting a predator online, cyberbullying has become a big problem. It can lead to consequences like anxiety, depression, problems in school and suicide. There have been a number of cases of suicide in the media which brought this issue into light and triggered mass education campaigns against bullying in schools. It can be hard for parents to know what to do for cyberbullying but here are some suggestions. We can support youth, teach them not to respond, block the person, to report the bullying to the website itself, organize for counselling, and get the school involved. As a parent it may help to keep a record (screenshot for evidence). There are laws protecting youth against some forms of cyberbullying. Our criminal code also has a law that you can’t share intimate images without the consent of the person whose picture it is regardless of age (adults too), with a consequence of up to 5 yrs in prison. In these cases, it is important to seek the help of police. Parents are also important in terms of emphasizing to the young person that there are a lot of ways that we can find solutions, so the bullied youth do not feel trapped into thinking there is no way to end this.
I think in our community there is the added complication that some parents and grandparents don’t know much about the complexities of children’s online activities even if they are able to go online themselves. We’re also in busier times. Many parents are living in big cities where it is very expensive and both parents are working so there isn’t as much time for supervision and having these conversations. I provided links to a Punjabi information sheet on internet safety below. It is important for parents to learn a little bit about parental controls, having young children’s passwords and awareness of what can go wrong online. Since pictures are one of the things that can be used as a form of bullying and extortion, I think it is important to teach youth not to share photos until they are at an age that they can really understand the consequences. I think even a lot of people in their 20s still don’t understand that comments and pictures may never be able to be “deleted” off the internet and what seems like a silly picture or comment now may have future consequences in terms of getting a job or volunteer work.
I think that a lot of times youth don’t share when something is going on like bullying or especially sexual extortion and exploitation. They might find it hard or shameful to talk about, be scared of what their families will say, etc. Emphasizing early on and regularly to youth that you are supportive of them, and they can always report to any safe adult like school staff is a good measure. I was watching The Harpreet Show episodes on bullying and they brought up an important point about reactions. We can all imagine certain parents start to yell, blame their child, judge, take away all computer privileges, etc. They pointed out that the child has trusted an adult in revealing what happened and this breaks that trust and prevents them from sharing in the future, further isolating them and not solving the problem. I know teenage and pre-teen youth who have entire secret lives about what they are doing, watching, and who they spend their time with. I think this ultimately creates a safety threat if something goes wrong. If the reactions are overblown and strict, with no flexibility and understanding for mistakes, then there will certainly be secrets. Youth will be more likely to come to their parents knowing that they are unconditionally loved even when they make a mistake, not judged and there will be help in solving the problem by being their advocate. It can be hard to do if you are feeling horrified and overwhelmed at what happened, but it is important to step back and manage those emotions otherwise the trust will be damaged. Sadia Sameeullah also brought up that when it comes to sexual exploitation of girls, we often just say that it’s a taboo subject not talked about and end it. This prevents girls from being able to talk about it, and us from knowing the extent of what happened, or how to help. (She also mentioned that if we do have household rules we should be explaining why those rules are in place). I think that the show really emphasized how important the reactions and responses are to the youth’s experience.
Hopefully this gives our families some discussion points and things to think about in terms of online presence and keeping ourselves safe from predators, scams, and cyberbullying.
References and Resources:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt2Pg-pSHS8Harpreet Show bullying episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxz0IFeOvvEanother bullying episode
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2_AWsEv1T0 third episode
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