Healing

Healing is not linear and healing is not a sprint. We all have some form of healing to do- the mind has travelled it’s own long journey over lifetimes to get here, but also there is the intergenerational trauma piece from ’47 and ’84, there is the piece of our families having immigrated and adapting to life here and our own lives. Sikhi has a huge part in itself to allowing us the key to that healing and allowing us to move through it. 

For the last month I wondered why when we are the most supported, or most loved, we have new healing to do. Why is it, when we are supposed to be doing our best, we are doing our worst all of a sudden, or seeing things about ourselves not seen. I got a really succinct answer from a friend who said the safety, supports, and abilities we have at the time that determine how much healing we can do, and you can only deal with the layers it is safe to do so. When we are in pure survival, trying to just make it moment by moment, we cannot dig deeper than that. The brain creates its own protection for us to do only so much, for us to explore only so much, because knowing more would crush us. It isn’t that we intentionally pretend and cover up the things that are not fine, I think our minds find ways to protect the parts of us that are the most vulnerable to save us. It is the times we are finally feeling comfortable, trusting, that we are safe to start to explore the deeper parts of ourselves, our stories, relationships, our family stories, etc. When we are loved, supported, and nurtured a lot can happen. We can learn to trust others again, we can learn to trust ourselves again, to love ourselves. The consistency of being loved is helpful because we can learn to rewire our brains. When parts are wounded and scarred, it isn’t too bad to have to show someone a battle scar, you know you came through. When parts are wounded and still raw, they are at risk for re-wounding. It is an act of courage and bravery to risk having that be seen, because it is at risk for a further injury. It takes a conscious effort then, to make that decision to let that go and share the raw wound as it is, to be seen for the vulnerability. It leaves us exposed. Brene Brown’s work tells us, we are safe to do that exposure, with our jelly bean friends- with the people in our lives who have earned it, we are safe to expose when people are all in. They aren’t just watching from the sidelines commenting- they are all in too, they are exposed as well, they have something to lose, because they are fighting it too. I got the gift in the last few months of being able to see it, to be able to see now the things that I need to keep working on. To see where my mind has been protecting me. To see where I avoid, where I run, where I hide, and where I seek comfort. This is an important thing to discover about ourselves. You can’t address something until you see it for yourself. Being smart has nothing to do with seeing where we are raw. Of course we can feel it, but I think our brains do a pretty good job of convincing us we are fine in ways that we aren't for the sake of our survival. They do a good job of saying, I don't know what the issue is, when the issue is one that we are not ready to look at. That's how we get up and go, that's how we act when we have nothing left. If we saw all the places we were wounded how would we find the courage to move. It is enlightening when the mind can finally let go and start showing us those places so we can allow them to let go. 

If we are scared to share our boundaries, it is because they have been violated before. If we are scared to trust, it is because it has been betrayed before. It we are scared to share a piece of our story, it is because it has been used against us at some time. We must be kind to ourselves in our journeys. 

 

We spend our whole lives growing, that is really the purpose of Sikhi. To be bettering ourselves each day. Yet a lot of growth comes in small bursts, in those bursts we can heal a lot. It isn’t that a lot of growth necessitates years of time. It again depends on what we have around for tools, supports, safety, etc. A lot of healing is done alone-sometimes we need time to just not focus on giving, on other people, but just on ourselves. That healing is done inside while we connect to God. I spent years on that type of healing, the kind where we process information, use our spirit, our willpower, where we use our faith to get us through. Some of our healing is done that is guided by others. Some of our healing is done through friendships. What we need at a particular time will change. There are so many layers of self- the body’s needs, the needs of trusting, safety, unwinding, resting, connection, creativity, higher thinking, the spirit’s needs… The pandemic has changed our ability to get what we need. I think it’s really important for us to recognize that growth might look different during the pandemic. Learning how to address our needs is something that we sometimes just have to try out in different ways and see what works and what doesn't.