Misunderstood

Guru Ji teaches us to move out of tamogun- gossip, slander, jealously, hatred, pride, anger, greed, attachment, etc. and into satogun, then above all of this maya. Gossip is so prevalent even within our Gurdwaras. Instead of hearing Naam our ears listen closely to stories of others and then go on to share them and exchange information. Somehow, we convince ourselves it is necessary to know, that someone else’s bad story will help us learn, when in reality we have grown accustomed to absorbing this information and spewing it out at the first chance we get. How much time do we spend thinking about and talking about other people? Think about attending a wedding party or going to someone’s house. What do you talk about when you get back? The information about what someone was wearing, their body habitus, their relationships, their hair, their schooling, their job, their choices in life, all have nothing to do with our journey here and impede the flow of our mind from being able to go back to its mool. The diversity of the world is a creation of Waheguru. To see it as “other” is to create dualism (dubida, dwait). When it comes to nindiya, we talk about slander, backbiting, repeating things that we didn’t see or weren’t true. Bhai Sahib Ranbir Singh mentioned at a recent katha that it might even be that you think you saw something but it wasn’t true. When we gossip and slander other people we take all the durmat mehl off of them and put it onto ourselves.  Sometimes we do end up needing to repeat our true experiences with others for others to know to protect themselves, we have to distinguish this line of having compassion for others while not allowing ourselves to be run over. 

Misunderstandings are extremely common everywhere. They often result from assumptions, lack of communication, our own doubt, bias, or expectations. I have many times in my life felt misunderstood. We make assumptions about the world all the time and the more people we interact with and the diversity of experiences we see, we challenge that again and again until we see that there are no assumptions at all to be made. We are made to look for patterns, perhaps evolutionarily this aided in our survival. Yet those patterns will have exceptions. When we look through our lens, we will make mistakes and mislabel situations and people. For example you might cut out someone that was actually trying to help you. We have probably all misunderstood others and been misunderstood. In some cases these are small insignificant occurrences, in others they can be life altering or life-ending. I remember whenever there would be a misunderstanding I would try to clear it up right away, to stand up for what the truth is, for my authentic self, even if it took a lot of vulnerability. I would fight aggressively tooth and nail for what’s right because I considered that to be my duty. At some point I recognized that it isn’t always worth it. I shouldn’t have to defend what is Truth. That is Oneness, that is justice, that is aadh sach, jugadh sach, hai bhi such and nanak hosi bhi sach. The Oneness is just there, the truth and reality of our existence, our stories, our realities and who we are is there. If someone is blinded by kaal and unable to recognize it, there is nothing that can be said or done to change that. Only Guru Ji can unveil that for them, to remove their shackles and kaal’s jaal over their eyes and allow them to understand what is true. I remember having a very important conversation at one point that I knew would change my life. I sat down and in my mind I didn’t let go of Gurmantar the entire time. I wondered to whom do I owe an explanation? The One who knows everything has declared this Hukam. Bibi Sukhwinder Kaur often talks in her katha that “shabad di chott marda.” People say all kinds of things, they strike us like daggers, they hit us hard, directly to our ego, then Kaal comes to speak within us and we come back in anger. Instead, this was our test, this was our time to understand when it is time to speak and when is the time to be silent. To remember that the One is always there and we cannot be wounded when we trust in that circle of protection. Again and again in this last year I have been tested and learned this: if someone trusts you, if someone has faith in you, if they see God inside everyone, if they see you, they will ask and clarify. They will not allow a break in brother/sisterhood, friendship, relationship, mentorship etc. over the assumptions that the five implanted into their mind. I lost a mentor from the sangat over this and while I was shaken and disappointed, I recognized that sometimes people just don’t see you for who you are and you can’t change that. There were people who used to throw rocks at Guru Nanak Dev Ji!! Kaal’s Jaal is so strong that people could not see. There are people who will always be suspicious of the worst, always be assuming you dishonest because of their own assumption, rather than resolving or clarifying. I knew I couldn’t change that someone can’t see you so I felt no need to correct assumptions and defend the truth. It’s not like their version of me changes who I am, or the truth. Sometimes people are just unwilling to see and accept reality because it doesn’t match their pattern, what they have experienced and known in their life up until now. Every anomaly to a pattern upsets their understanding of how people function in the world and is unacceptable, so instead of changing the pattern recognition and realizing that not all people that X, behave like Y, they decide that it simply isn’t possible. People weren’t meant to ever be forced into boxes defining who they are, we all have unique DNA, our faces and fingerprints are all unique. We were created all differently. Having a universal love for one another allows us to let go of our own misunderstandings and let go of our duality in how we see others. Sometimes people were a certain way and worked hard to change themselves. It’s unfair to judge when we all have things to be working on. 

 

I remember a time when one of my family member’s behaviour was entirely different than what I knew them to be. In one split second, my thoughts, Kaal, maya, took me to an entirely different train of thought. I wondered if for my whole life I was wrong about who they are... after all what I saw appeared to be true. How could the two truths align. Luckily it was clarified very quickly but it showed me that it is possible for Kaal to show us things that create doubt and suspicion where they don’t exist. It is possible for us to see things that we think are true that aren’t. It is also true for two things that are contradictory to be simultaneously true. 

Misunderstandings don’t bother us as much when we are firmly planted in the Oneness. No one can change the reality and truth from what it is. When we feel offended, who is speaking? Homai rears its ugly head and destroys our peaceful state. The entire game of kaal is so create thoughts, conflicts, separations, and chaos so that we forget our path and don’t win this game.