Remembering the Sahibzaade

 Here are the dates from Sri Guru Granth Sahib Academy for this year: 

Let us remember the sacrifices of the four sons of Guru Gobind Singh Ji: Sahibzada Ajit Singh, Sahibzada Jujhar Singh, Sahibzada Zorawar Singh, and Sahibzada Fateh Singh as well as Mata Gujri Ji.  

The Hindu Rajput chiefs were worried that the caste system was destroying their control on the population. They tried to push Guru Gobind Singh Ji out for five years until they finally got the help of Aurangzeb and laid siege on Anandpur fort in May 1705. The Mughal forces led by Wazir Khan numbered over 700 000, plus 150 000 soldiers from the Hill Rajas. The Sikhs had no access to outside food or ammunition. Guru Ji dispatched 5000 Sikhs to For Anandgarh fort, Baba Ajit Singh with 2000 soldiers to Lohgarh, and Baba Jujhar Singh with 2000 at Kesgarh; finally Bhai Hari Singh, Bachittar Singh, and Udhe Singh with an army of 2000 at Fatehghar. Bhai Kanhaiya Ji became a Sikh of Guru Teg Bahadur Ji. During the battle of Anandpur, he was serving water to the soldiers from the enemy side. The Sikhs complained to Guru Ji since they were under siege and supplies were limited. He explained that he only saw God everywhere, and Guru Ji instructed him to also treat the soldiers’ wounds- this was prior to the formation of the Red Cross. Bhai Kanhaiya Ji went on to establish a Dharmsala to provide food, water and shelter, and it was run using the income from his rope-making.

The Sikhs survived off of tree leaves and bark. The Mughals wanted to end this as it was too expensive, they were running out of resources and it was embarrassing that they were outnumbering the Khalsa and still losing. The Hill Rajas and Mughals wrote a letter to Guru Ji swearing on the Quran and the cow that they would not attack. Guru Ji did not trust them and tested his theory by saying they would evacuate their treasures first. They prepared bull-carts of garbage and sent out in the night with 20 Sikhs. The opposing forces attacked immediately, and Guru Ji’s point was proven. 40 individuals wanted to leave, and Guru Ji let them. They signed a piece of paper (Bedawa) that they were no longer Sikhs of the Guru. (These later become the Chali Mukhte). 

In December Aurangzeb wrote a royal command sealed on the oath of the Quran, and for Hindus, the Salgram idol and cow. A Muslim and Hindu priest were sent to swear they could evacuate safely. Guru Ji knew that they would be betrayed but the Sikhs were adamant to leave even when Guru Ji said they only needed to wait a few days longer and God would send them help. Thus, they evacuated after 8 months of siege. Guru Ji put Gulab Singh and Syam Singh in charge of the forts. As anticipated, Aurangzeb broke the promise and the Hill Rajas and Mughals attacked. Bibi Dalair Kaur was assigned by Guru Gobind Singh Ji to guard Anandpur Sahib when the Sikhs were evacuating. She fought against the Mughals with 100 other female Sikhs and was martyred. Sahibzada Ajit Singh kept the enemy at bay with the help of Bhai Ude Singh. This was called the battle of Shahi Tibbi and Ude Singh sent Ajit Singh back to his family, and was martyred himself. As it was heavily raining, Guru Ji and the Sikhs got to the flooded Sirsa (pronounced Sar-sa) River. Guru Ji now sent Bhai Jiwan Singh (formerly Bhai Jaita Ji who had taken Guru Teg Bahadur Ji’s head after their martyrdom) with a group of Sikhs to hold off the enemy and he became shaheed. 

As the Sikhs tried to cross the river, the two younger sons and mother of Guru Ji were separated, Mata Jito and Sahib Kaur were separated, many Sikhs drowned, and many writings of Guru Ji were lost. Guru Ji, his older sons, Ajit Singh (18) and Jujhar Singh (14), and other Sikhs reached village Ghanaula. Guru Ji sent Bhai Bachittar Singh (who had fought the elephant in the Battle of Bhagani) with a group of 100 Sikhs to the short route to Rupar, while Guru Ji went via a longer route staying with Pathan Nihang Khan. Bhai Bachittar Singh’s group was largely martyred en route. He was carried to Nihang Khan’s house by Sahibzada Ajit Singh and another Sikh. Guru Ji asked Nihang Khand to look after him and bestowed a sword, dagger and shield as gifts to Nihang Khan. Mughals came to search Nihang Khan’s house but he said his daughter was caring for her sick husband and they left. Bhai Bachittar Singh then left this world. Guru Ji continued to travel until reaching the “Kachi Garhi” (mudfort) at Chamkaur with a group of 40 Sikhs. Very sadly, the original Chamkaur-de-Gari/Kachi Gari was demolished by the SGPC and replaced with a new Gurdwara Sahib.  Our original history has been lost just for the sake of modernization. See picture of the original Kachi Gari on the right (https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Garhi_Sahib)

Meanwhile, his mother and younger children Zorawar (9 years old) and Fateh Singh (7) went with Gangu, a servant of the Guru for the last 22 years (in some writings it says it was unlikely he was a cook because why would Guru Ji have their own cook, they would eat in the langar). While they were walking a Muslim devotee of Guru Ji, Kuma, invited them to rest at his house for the night and guarded them. His neighbour Lachumani gave food and clothing to them. The next day they took Kuma’s boat across the Satluj and walked to Kheri village at Gangu’s insistence, even though Mata Ji wanted to go to Ropar to meet Guru Ji. Lastly, Mata Sunder Kaur and Sahib Kaur were also separated at the Sirsa River, staying at Ropar then leaving to Delhi with Bhai Mani Singh, Jawahar Singh, and Bhai Dana Ji. 

 

Gurdwara Thanda Burj 
(cold tower where the Sahibzaade slept)

The next day the Battle of Chamkaur ensued. The opposing forces were an army of 1 million from Delhi, plus the forces of the Hill Rajas. The Sikhs fought from the fort for as long as they could then were left to direct combat. 37 Sikhs were martyred including 2 of Guru Jis sons, Lal Singh (formerly Pandit Lal Chand), Kirpa Singh (formerly Pandit Kirpa Ram), and 3 of the Panj Pyare (Himmat Singh, Sahib Singh and Mokham Singh). They fought valiantly despite having been under siege and starving for 8 months. (Guru even throws this point to Aurangzeb in his Zafarnama). The remaining 5 Sikhs used their authority of Guruship to tell the Guru to escape in the night. Guru Ji gave their clothing away to Sangat Singh, clapped three times, loudly announcing their leaving, but none of the Mughals even understood what was happening at the time. Bhai Dya Singh, Bhai Dharam Singh, and Bhai Maan Singh left as well, but were separate from Guru Ji with the plan to rejoin. The next day, when Sangat Singh became Shaheed, they realize it was not Guru Ji. Bibi Sharan Kaur Pabla heard of the Shaheedi and started cremating the bodies. She was caught by the Mughals and fought but got injured and was also thrown into the fire. Bhai Rama and Tirloka arrived in Chamkaur and found the martyred Sikhs. While the Muslims were busy burying their own, they ran around and acted like they were out of their senses, then at night they carried the rest of the bodies onto the pyre started by Sharan Kaur. When the Mughals came they diverted attention by acting in madness and the cremation was completed. 

 

Tree under which Guru Ji
wrote the shabad

Meanwhile Gangu stole Mata Gujri’s coins in the night. When Mata Ji confronted him, Gangu betrayed them to the officials and they were transferred to Sirhind (Sar-handh) in iron shackles and a weight tied to their hands. They were imprisoned at the Thanda Burj (cold tower). Mata Ji was taken there immediately while the children were presented to the court where they were tortured, then taken to the Thanda Burj and weren’t given food or water. Moti Mehra was a servant in the Hindu Kitchen and nephew of Bhai Himmat Singh who served food to the prisoners. He secretly came and gave offered food but Mata Ji refused to eat from the Mughals, so he went home bribed the guards to bring in milk. 

Guru Ji walked to Machiwara and slept on the ground in the winter. He composed the shabad Mitr Pyare Nu under a tree at Machiwara forest. "Tell the beloved friend (the Lord) the plight of his disciples. Without You, rich blankets are a disease and the comfort of the house is like living with snakes. Our water pitchers are like stakes of torture and our cups have edges like daggers. Your neglect is like the suffering of animals at the hands of butchers. Our Beloved Lord's straw bed is more pleasing to us than living in costly furnace-like mansions." He rejoined Bhai Maan Singh, Daya Singh and Dharam Singh. Next two brothers, Gulaba and Panjaba, who were masands kept Guru Ji in their orchard. They invited Guru Ji inside at night but when they found out they were in danger for hosting Guru Ji, they signalled that he needed to live. The Sikhs challenged him them but Guru Ji was merciful and left.  

 

In the meantime, Wazir Khan ordered for the Sahibzaade to be presented to the court. They made a small door that was open to force the Sahibzaade to bow down as they entered. Instead they entered feet first and said “Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!” instead of greeting in Salam. Suchanand, a minister in Wazir Khan’s governance, he sent a wedding proposal to of his daughter to Ajit Singh that Guru Ji declined as he was deceitful- this left him vengeful. He and Wazir Khan tried to get them to convert but they refused. At night, Moti Mehra came again with milk to the Thanda Burj, this time giving the guards his wife’s jewellery. 

 

Getting back to Guru Ji, followers of Pir Buddhu Shah, Nabhi Khan and Gani Khan, Muslim horse-dealers, kept Guru Ji in their home for two nights. Guru Ji blessed them with a Hukamnama and they disguised Guru Ji as their prophet. They call him “Uch Da Pir” and as they carried him. The Mughal soldiers stopped them in suspicion and brough Qazi Pir Mohammed to verify this Pir. He was Guru Ji’s teacher when he was a child, and told the soldiers not to stop him. Guru Ji travelled through Alamgir, Raikot, Lamma Jattpura, Mehdiana, Dina, Gurusar, Dhilwan Kalan Sodhian, Kot Kapura, Jaton, Rameyana to “Mukhtsar” (new name). 

 

Gurdwara Sri Fatehgarh Sahib 
(where the Sahibzaade were martyred)

The Sahibzaade were summoned again. The Mughals took them to town. Rather than looking at toys or food they went to a stall with arms and picked up a sword and a spear. In the court, Suchanand tried to advise them to convert to Islam but they refused and went back to the Thanda Burj. Moti Mehra came again on this third night. The next day Wazir Khan tried to tell them that Guru Ji and his brothers were all killed at Chamkaur Sahib which they refused to believe. Wazir Khan then called Nawab of Malerkotla Sher Mohammed, and his brother for avenging the death of their brother at Chamkaur. He refused and said that revenge would be in the battlefield against Guru Ji directly. Suchanand then asked what the children would do if they were released, they said they would gather and army and fight against the Mughals. Suchanand then commented “the offsprings of a cobra should be crushed.” The Qazi announced the judgement that they be bricked alive and Sher Mohammed Khan protested. Suchanand had the guards hit the Sahibzaade and they refused to bow to Wazir Khan. The Sahibzaade faced extensive torture but were brave despite their young age. They were whipped, lit on fire, stones were slung at them and Suchanand had a cow killed and ordered for the blood sprinkled in their eyes, drops poured on their head and for them to drink it. When the bowl came near, the blood changed into milk! Wazir Khan then let them sleep thinking Mata Ji would convince them not to become Shaheed. Moti Mehra traded in his house, the last of what he had, to bribe the guards to bring milk that night. Todar Mal, a devotee of the Guru, tried to intervene but was unsuccessful. The Sahibzaade were separated and told the other agreed, but they knew that wasn’t possible. Shashan Beg and Bashan Beg were taken out of prison on a pardon to execute the Sahibzaade. The brick wall was made as they recited Japji Sahib. When it got to the knees, the person building the wall was told to break their knees instead of the bricks to keep the wall even. The wall got up to the head of Zorawar Singh and crumbled. Wazir Khan ordered them to be beheaded. Mata Ji also breathed her last. They attempted to boil the heads of the Sahibzaade in oil but the fire kept blowing out, then they tried to hang them from a tower but the person who would go up became blind. They hanged the heads on a rope on a tree and threw stones and arrows, but a parrot in the tree said “Uprooted are the roots of the Mughal empire” and “Gone are thy tyrant” before it was killed. When Guru Ji found out his younger Sahibzaade were Shaheed, he pulled out a plant with his arrow, saying the Mughals would also be uprooted. Todar Mal wanted to cremate the bodies and was made to pay the amount of gold coins it took to cover the land, vertically. This cost him the equivalent 10 million 800,000 rupees which was all of his wealth. When Wazir Khan found out about Moti Mehra, his family was flogged then crushed in an oil press between tight rollers. 

We remember the sahibzaade because their sacrifice means today’s freedom, and because their courage is our inspiration. Puneet Singh Nanda writes about qualities of the Sahibzaade that we can incorporate into our lives such as standing up against oppression, not giving up your path for worldly pleasures (they didn’t take the worldly goods offered as bribes), having faith, and learning that physical death is not to be feared if we can be jeevan mukht through our mind. 'Thoughtful Kaur' reminds us that an important part of remembering the Chaar Sahibzaade is remembering that as we are all Guru Ji’s children, we all have the potential to gain the amount of strength, courage, and faith that they had. We should be inspired by this story to read stories of our children as Mata Ji read to the Sahibzaade as it gave them strength, as well as to read Gurbani and build internal strength. 

References:

“Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Academy.” Facebook, 2020, www.facebook.com/sggsacademy/ Check this out if you haven't it is a great resource!!

http://www.sikhspirit.com/khalsa/sahibzadas.htm

http://sikhism.about.com/od/Historic-Events/p/Battle-Of-Chamkaur-And-Martyrdom-Of-Elder-Sahibzadas-December-1705.htm

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Char_Sahibzade

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Supreme_sacrifice

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/martyrs/sahibzade.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Mittar_Pyare_Nu

http://www.sikharchives.com/?p=11713

http://www.zafarnama.com/Download/zafarnama.pdf 

A History of the Sikhs Volume I 1469-1839, 2nd Edition by Khushwant Singh

https://thoughtfulkaur.wordpress.com/2016/11/13/chaar-sahibzaade-2/

http://sikhprofessionals.net/wahegurus-way/adopt-8-qualities-of-chaar-sahibzaades-in-your-daily-life/

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Second_battle_of_Chamkaur_Sahib 

http://worldgurudwara.com/ajit-singh-and-jujhar-singh-the-two-elder-sons-of-guru-gobind-singh-martyred-21-dec/ 

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Supreme_sacrifice

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=4276

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=4277

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=4275

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=4253

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Keshgarh_Sahib

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Forts_of_Anandpur_sahib

http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikh_gurdwaras/gurdwara_sri_thanda_burj_sahib.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Thanda_Burj

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=3984

http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikh_gurdwaras/gurdwara_sri_bhatta_sahib.html

http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikh_gurdwaras/takht_sri_keshgarh_sahib.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Bhatta_Sahib

http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikh_gurdwaras/gurdwara_sri_manji_sahib_anandpur.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Katalgarh_Sahib

http://www.discoversikhism.com/sikh_gurdwaras/gurdwara_sri_chaubara_sahib_machhiwara.html#gallery[gallery1]/3/

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Machhiwara

http://www.historicalgurudwaras.com/GurudwaraDetail.aspx?gid=4271

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Garhi_Sahib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjdKr6KTSgw 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1iQhh3Ps0o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgLzn8ovDNg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpdK-6_jyNw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smMIdcndDbw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1aSTZIfGc&t=199s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7WZf7OLZMQ

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaJVqGlOz5r_yLZk2KkcenQ 

Happy Prakash Divas!

Today we celebrated the Prakash Divas of Guru Nanak Dev Ji! There is an Akhand Paath at the Gurdwara Sahib all weekend. 

Guru Ji taught us the key main concepts of Naam Japna, Kirat Karni and Vand Shakna (remembrance of God, earn and honest living, and share what you earn). They communicated in simple language so everyone could understand, not just those who had a formal education which was a contrast to the norms of the time. They also travelled and did keertan to teach people these daily messages. Guru Ji taught a grist marag, that a person can live as a householder and work hard to earn your livings, while having a spiritual life at the same time. This is different than when Jogis at the time used to travel away in the mountains to meditate. Guru Ji wrote Japji Sahib, Asa Di Vaar, Baran Mah, Sidh Gosht, and Dakhni Onkaar, and was loved by both Hindus and Muslims for spreading a universal message.

Guru Nanak Dev Ji was born to Hindu parents Mehta Kalu and Mata Tripta in 1469 in Talwandi (now Nankana Sahib in Pakistan). Although Guru Ji was born April 15, the birth date is celebrated on the full moon in November. He had an older sister named Bibi Nanaki. At this location now sits Gurdwara Janam Asthan, also known as Nankana Sahib. Previously the town had been named “Talvandi Rai Bhoe” named after a Muslim Rajput whose descendant Rai Bular was a disciple of Guru Ji. Guru Ji spent 16 years here. Gurdwara Bal Leela was originally built by Rai Bular and is where Guru Nanak Dev Ji played with friends, and led them in meditation. Below left is Gurdwara Janam Asthan, Nankana Sahib and right is Gurdwara Bal Leela. 

Guru Ji’s unique path became apparent at a young age when he learned at an unprecedented rate and impressed his teachers. The site of present-day Gurdwara Patti Sahib is where Guru Nanak Dev Ji was supposed to learn from Pandit Gopal Das. One day the Pandit asked Guru Ji why he wasn’t learning the way he wanted, Guru Ji said: “O respected Senior! (Let me) Learn to write the account in such a fashion, that when your life’s account is reviewed, it will bring Full Marks (of Truth – being debt free).” The Pandit told Mehta Kalu he could no longer teach Guru Ji, as Guru Ji would teach all of humankind. Guru Ji taught the pandit the spiritual meaning of each letter, which is now found in the Guru Granth Sahib. Guru Ji also refused to tie the ceremonial thread, which is tied per Hindu tradition. Without this thread, the boy is considered of the lowest caste and is not allowed to read holy texts. Different threads are worn by different castes, whereas women are not allowed to wear one. It is supposed to also protect one against gods/goddesses. At the age of 9 Guru Ji questioned the priest as to why women were not allowed to get the janeau, and pointed out that the janeau is discriminatory and we should not divide people among castes. He pointed out that such a physical thread cannot help us achieve our purpose. 

At age 13, Mehta Kalu sent Guru Ji to graze cattle. One day while Guru Ji was meditating under a tree, the buffalo and cattle started grazing wherever and fed on the neighbour’s fields. The neighbour was angry and woke up Guru Ji. Guru Ji stated that God would bless the fields. The farmer went to get Rai Bular to show him, who sent his men to investigate but when they arrived the fields were all green again! This is the site of present day Gurdwara Kyara Sahib. One day while grazing the cattle and buffalo, Guru Ji again rested under a shady Mall tree and meditated. As the sun moved, it came over Guru Jis face. A cobra arrived and spread its hood over Guru Jis face, shading it from the son. Rai Bular saw this event and came over, then the snake disappeared to its pit. This is the site of present day Gurdwara Mall Ji Sahib and the tree has been preserved. 

When Guru Ji was 18, he was sent by his father to the city to make a profit with 20 rupees (a lot of money back then!). Mehta Kalu thought that maybe his son would be a successful businessman since cattle grazing hadn't worked out. Guru Ji left with Bhai Mardana (some sources say this was Bhai Bala), to Chooharkhaana, which has a large marketplace. As they were walking on the way, there was a village full of diseased and starving individuals. Guru Ji told Bhai Mardana that nothing would be more profitable than feeding and clothing them, and thus this is the true beginnings of langar. (The accounts from story books from when I was little said that it was a group of sadhus that was fed, but rather this version is actually is more consistent with Gurbani and is described by discover sikhism. It is also orally passed down from local Muslims). Bhai Mardana then went to the village and told Mehta Kalu, who was angry and went and found Guru Ji at the site of present day Gurdwara Tambu Sahib. Mehta Kalu slapped Guru Ji but Bebe Nananki intervened. This is the sight of present day Gurdwara Sacha Soudha. 

Later on Mehta Kalu sent Guru Ji to Sultanpur Lodhi to work. He spent 14 years here prior to travelling on the Udaasis. His brother-in-law Jai Ram found him a job as a modi at the Nawab’s modi khana (in charge of the supplies store). When weighing grain, Guru Ji got to the number 13 (tera also meaning Tera- Yours, I am Yours God) and Guru Ji started meditating Tera, Tera, Tera. The customers received so much they couldn’t even carry it out! Nawab Daulat Khan heard what happened and charged the Guru but when they investigated, the storage was all full, and there was a surplus of grain, rather than having any missing. These stones are preserved at Gurdwara Sri Hatt Sahib. Guru Ji then went on to marry Mata Sulakhani. Instead of marrying around a fire, Guru Ji wrote Ik Onkaar and they married around that paper (Shabad Guru). They went onto have two children at Sultanpur Lodhi, Sri Chand and Lakhmi Das. Guru Ji went on to meet Bhai Mardana, who was born from a Muslim family. He joined Guru Ji on his travels (Udaasis), and played the rabab as Guru Ji sang shabads. 

Guru Ji bathed daily in the Bein river. One day in 1499 Guru Ji disappeared into the river and returned out after 3 days at the location of Sant Ghat Sahib. When Guru Ji emerged, he said “Na Ko Hindu, Na Ko Musalmaan”- “There is no Hindu, there is no Muslim”, meaning that everyone is the same according to God. Guru Ji was respected by all religions and travelled extensively spreading messages of honesty, equality between men and women, and speaking out against the caste system. 

Guru Ji went on 4 Udaasis. These were very long travels by foot. The first Udaasi was from 1500-1506 (widespread areas which would include what is present-day Pakistan, India and Bangladesh), the second from 1506-1513 (all the way from Pakistan, down to present-day Southern India and Sri Lanka), third from 1514 to 1518 (in present-day areas such as Tibet, Nepal and Myanmar), and last from 1518 to 1521 (present-day Africa, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, Afganistan, Istanbul, Syria, etc.). There are great maps and details here. https://www.arcgis.com/apps/Cascade/index.html?appid=991638adf2024fa8b3508be190e0db25 Certainly this teaches us we should keep up in our physical fitness, but also to do parchar and spread the word of God, as well as to have conversations with sangat of all backgrounds to learn from them and to share as well. When I was travelling through Pakistan I was imagining what amazing scenery Guru Ji must have walked through, from deserts to lush greenery. 

On his travels, Guru Ji met Bhai Lalo. Bhai Lalo lived in Saidpur (Eminabad) and was a carpenter. Malik Bhago was a rich man who invited Guru Ji to stay in his house, but Guru Ji declined and stayed with Bhai Lalo. This angered Malik Bhago who summoned Guru Ji a second time. He told Guru Ji that he was dishonoring the Kshatriyas by eating at the house of a carpenter. It was here that Guru Ji asked Bhai Lalo to bring a plate of food and Malik Bhago to bring a plate. When he squeezed the food of Bhai Lalo, it poured milk whereas that of Malik Bhago poured blood, showing him that he was earning his living dishonestly but getting it from the poor (“sucking the blood of the poor”). Bhai Lalo’s house was first a dharamsala then became a Gurdwara named after the Khuhi (well), Gurdwara Khuhi Bhai Lalao.  

Guru Nanak Dev Ji often emphasized that we should not be stuck in rituals but rather be true to their religion. For example, he observed people throwing the water from the Ganges towards the sun to reach their ancestors and he started throwing it in the opposite direction, claiming that if their water reached the ancestors then his should reach his fields in Punjab. 

At site of present day Gurdwara Guru Ki Ber, Guru Ji met a Muslim Fakir named Hamza Gaus, in Sialkot. He cast a spell on the city since someone did not follow through on their promise to give the Pir their first-born son. Guru Ji came and broke the spell with his shabad. He showed the Pir it was unjust for him to punish the whole city for the wrongdoing of one man. He showed the Pir that forgiveness is an important principle. 

Guru Ji travelled to Mecca. One well-known Sakhi from Guru Ji’s travels here is that Guru Ji fell asleep with his feet pointed towards Kaaba. A Qazi was enraged, and questioned why he had his feet turned this way. Guru Ji asked him to turn his feet to whichever direction God was not, as the Qazi moved his feet, he saw Kaaba in all directions! The Qazi realized that God was in all directions. This is recorded in Bhai Gurdaa Ji’s Vaaran (Var 1: 32).

In 1521 Guru Nanak Dev Ji and Bhai Mardana arrived in Hasan Abdal and started doing kirtan which attracted many locals. This created jealousy in Wali Qandhari, who was used to having this attention from the locals and owned the only water supply. He purposefully cut off the supply so people would return to him. Guru Ji sent Bhai Mardana three times to ask Wali Qandhari for water for the villagers but Wali Qandhari rudely refused, and asked him to ask his Master (Guru Nanak). Guru Ji asked everyone to remember God, and asked the villagers to push away an embedded rock, when suddenly, a fountain of water sprang from it! Wali Qandhari’s fountain dried up, and he he became angry, throwing a giant rock down from the hill towards Guru Ji. Guru Ji stopped the rock with his hand, leaving the imprint. Seeing this, Wali became a follower of the Guru. This rock still stands and you can touch the imprint of Guru Ji at Gurdwara Panja Sahib. 

Babar’s army invaded Punjab in 1521 when Guru Nanak Dev Ji was in Eminabad (called Saidpur at the time). When the town was captured, Guru Ji was amongst those captured. At that time Guru Ji was staying at present-day Gurdwara Rori Sahib with Bhai Lalo, and lying on a hard surface of pebbles. After Guru Ji was held prisoner by Babar, he was forced to grind corn using a chakki (millsone). Guru Ji’s chakki ran on it’s own while he sang kirtan! The corn was to feed the Mughal troops. They told Babar, who came and asked for forgiveness. Guru Ji challenged Babar’s injust actions and told him that those who are cruel suffer. Babar then released Guru Ji and 11,111 other prisoners. This is the site of present day Gurdwara Chakki Sahib. 

Guru Ji stayed at Kartarpur for 18 years as a householder, cultivating the land with his parents, wife, and sons. Kartarpur became the first Sikh center. Guru Ji started langar here using locally grown food served by the sangat. Sarans were built, and Guru Ji sang Gurbani and delivered katha. This was also where Guru Ji appointed Bhai Lehna (Guru Angad Dev Ji) as his successor. Guru Ji merged with God at Kartarpur. After this, Hindus and Muslims argued about what should be done with Guru Ji’s body (cremation or burial). They decided that flowers would be placed on Guru Ji’s body, whoevers were found to be withered the next day would lose but when the sheet was removed, the body was missing and the flowers were all fresh. The communities divided the sheet, and the Muslims buried it while the Hindus cremated it. Thus per Hindu tradition there is a Samadh in the Gurdwara, and a grave as per Muslim tradition.  

Guru Ji guided people back to their purpose when they were lost in ritualism, kaam, krodh, lob, moh and hankaar. They are so many ways we can grow and connect through our Sikhi. 

ਸੁਣੀ ਪੁਕਾਰਿ ਦਾਤਾਰ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਗ ਮਾਹਿ ਪਠਾਇਆ || ਚਰਨ ਧੋਇ ਰਹਰਾਸਿ ਕਰਿ ਚਰਣਾਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਸਿੱਖਾਂ ਪੀਲਾਇਆ || ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਪੂਰਨ ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਕਲਿਜੁਗ ਅੰਦਰ ਇਕ ਦਿਖਾਇਆ || ਚਾਰੇ ਪੈਰ ਧਰਮ ਦੇ ਚਾਰਿ ਵਰਨ ਇਕ ਵਰਨੁ ਕਰਾਇਆ || ਰਾਣਾ ਰੰਕ ਬਰਾਬਰੀ ਪੈਰੀ ਪਵਣਾ ਜਗਿ ਵਰਤਾਇਆ | ਉਲਟਾ ਖੇਲੁ ਪਿਰੰਮ ਦਾ ਪੈਰਾਂ ਉਪਰਿ ਸੀਸ ਨਿਵਾਇਆ || ਕਲਿਜੁਗ ਬਾਬੇ ਤਾਰਿਆ ਸਤਿਨਾਮੁ ਪੜ੍ਹਿ ਮੰਤ੍ਰ ਸੁਣਾਇਆ || ਕਲਿ ਤਾਰਣਿ ਗੁਰੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਆਇਆ ||੨੩|| ਵਾਰ ੧ ||

The Provider Lord listened to the cries (of humanity), Guru Nanak descended into this world. 
Washing His feet and praising God, he got his Sikhs to drink the ambrosial nectar (of humility). 
In this Dark Age, he showed all gods to be just one. 
The four feet of Dharma, the four castes were converted into one. 
Equality of the King and beggar, he spread the custom of being humble. 
Reversed is the game of the beloved; the egotist high heads bowed to the feet. 
Baba Nanak rescued this Dark Age; read ‘satnam’ and recited the mantra. 
Guru Nanak came to redeem this Dark Age of Kaljug.  Bhai Gurdas - Vaar 1 pauri 23

References

http://www.theworldofgurunanak.com/guru-nanak-dev-ji.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Guru_Nanak

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/gurus/nanak1.html

http://www.sikhs.org/guru1.htm

http://www.ibtimes.com/guru-nanaks-birthday-2014-3-things-you-need-know-about-sikh-holiday-1720042

www.searchsikhism.com 

Sikhmusic.com

desicomments.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guru_Nanak

https://www.eventshigh.com/detail/delhi/2b528793c6229cf59c9b8969c98c1bbd-prakash-purab-guru-nanak-dev 

Book: Illustrated Life Stories of Guru Sahibs’-- I do highly recommend this book for kids and adults! 

Happy Bandi Chorr Divas!

Happy Bandi Chorr Divas!! Let's review some of the history of why we celebrate Bandi Chorr Divas. 

Chandu Shah was the governor of Lahore and a wealthy banker. His family priest suggested Guru Arjan Dev’s son Hargobind would be a good match for his daughter. Believing in the caste system, and that his family was more upper class than Guru Ji, Chandu Shah refused and made disparaging comments about Guru Arjan Dev Ji. Eventually he changed his mind, but Guru Ji refused knowing that this was a false show. Chandu Shah had shown his real colors earlier from his comments. Chandu Shah went on to inflict torture on Guru Arjan Dev Ji, who was martyred. 

Guru Hargobind Ji, our 6^th Guru, then built the Sri Akal Takht Sahib and strengthened the army of Sikhs. In 1619, Murtaja Khan, Nawab of Lahore, noticed this, and lied to emperor Jahangir that Guru Ji was going to seek revenge for the torture and execution of his father (Guru Arjan Dev Ji). Wazir Khan was sent to arrest Guru Ji, however he respected Guru Ji and instead he asked Guru Ji to accompany him to Delhi. In Delhi, Jahangir changed his mind upon meeting the Guru and in fact started to like him. Guru Ji saved Jahangir's life from a lion and had no revenge in his mind. When Jahangir fell ill, Chandu Shah wanted to find a way to imprison Guru Hargobind Ji. He told an astrologer to tell Jahangir that a holy man needed to pray for him at the Gwalior Fort (prison) in order for him to get better. Chandu Shah recommended this be Guru Hargobind Ji. Guru Ji prayed in the prison, and worked to have the conditions of the jail improved for the prisoners. Hari Daas, who was in charge of the prison was actually a follower of Guru Ji and foiled Chandu’s plan to poison Guru Ji. Jahangir’s recovered but still Guru Ji was kept prisoner. His followers, led by Baba Buddha Ji, became concerned and visited Guru Ji. Guru Ji told them not to worry. Sufi Saint Mian Mir then convinced Jahangir to release Guru Ji. Guru Ji thought of the other prisoners, Hindu Princes who had only been imprisoned due to political reasons and were suffering. He said he would leave the jail if the other prisoners would be released. Jahangir did not like this idea, but agreed that only those prisoners who could hold the cloak of the Guru could be released.  Guru Ji designed a long cloak with 52 tails for each prisoner to hold, and they were all released. Gurdwara Bandi Chorr Sahib has been created at the site of the Gwalior fort. So Bandi Chhor Divas, translated as “prisoner release day” is the day that Guru Hargobind Sahib and the 52 princes were freed from the prison. When Guru Ji safely traveled home to Amritsar, Diwali was being celebrated by the Hindus, so we celebrate Bandi Chhor Divas at Diwali each year.

References 

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Bandi_Chhorh_Divas
http://www.worldreligionnews.com/religion-news/bandi-chhor-divas-celebrating-the-liberation-of-the-sixth-sikh-guru-guru-hargobind

picture from http://sikhguru.org.uk/sikhsim/festivalsceremonies/bandi-chhor-divas/

Love Languages

What I really love about books is that they have the power to impart knowledge that changes our entire way of seeing the world, of living and being. I recently read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman and it did just that for me.  

A while back I posted some of the most common reasons for marital breakdown from Social Worker Baldev Mutta from the Punjabi Community Health Services. One of the main reasons he had mentioned was communication, and this book entirely focuses on a core aspect of our communication- how we communicate love for one another. In our Punjabi culture especially I think we do not focus on learning and developing communication enough, so I think this topic is very relevant to all of us. As human beings we will have many loving relationships in our lives- from our family and friends, to our partner and children, and these concepts apply to all those relationships. The idea of the book is that everyone has a primary love language- a way that most makes them feel loved. There are five different love languages: receiving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time. When we express love in a way that doesn’t fill up the other person’s “emotional tank” or “love tank”, then we might very well be loving them, but they won’t feel loved. Often times we express love in the way we saw our parents express love, or the way we want to receive love and not the way that the other person needs to be loved to feel secure. 

 

In the category of quality time comes activities where you give one another undivided attention, or conversations in which you look one another in the eye with full attention with the intent of understanding the the others’ thoughts, feelings, and desires. Examples are going for a walk, going out to dinner, going on a vacation, etc. Some of the examples from this chapter were a husband who does acts of service all the time, but she keeps complaining that he doesn’t talk. Her primary love language is quality time in the form of conversations. Another example was a man who was working very hard all day, "doing it for the family", but she feels unloved because they never do anything together. This conversation is recorded between him and Dr. Chapman: “'Do you want to be there alone, or do you want to be there with Andrea and the children?' I asked. 'I want her to be with me, Dr. chapman. I want her to enjoy it with me. That’s why it always hurts so much when she criticizes me for spending time on the job. I am doing it for us. I wanted her to be a part of it, but she’s always so negative.' 'Are you beginning to see why she was so negative, Mark?' I asked. 'Her love language is quality time. You have given her so little time that her love tank is empty. She doesn’t feel secure in your love. Therefore she has lashed out at what was taking your time in her mind- your job. She doesn’t really hate your job. She hates the fact that she feels so little love coming from you.'" He mentions especially for people who value quality conversation it is important for them to know what the other person feels: “When a wife says, ‘I wish my husband would talk. I never know what he’s thinking or feeling,’ she is pleading for intimacy. She wants to feel close to her husband, but how can she feel close to someone whom she doesn’t know? In order for her to feel loved, he must learn to reveal himself. If her primary love language is quality time and her dialect is quality conversation, her emotional love tank will never be filled until he tells her his thoughts and feelings.” 

 

In the category of receiving gifts, Chapman talks about how those who feel loved when they receive gifts will feel it for almost any gift- it could be a cup of cha, a flower, something handmade, or something symbolic like wedding rings. He mentioned that for a person to whom receiving gifts is their main love language, one’s physical presence must not be forgotten as a gift, because it is critical to them to have loved ones around during a crisis. In the theme physical touch, comes things like patting someone’s back, holding hands, hugs, massages, running hands through hair, etc. When a relationship is long distance he mentions things like a hand-written letter, photo, or item of one’s loved one as a way of communicating touch. Next are words of affirmation. These are words of appreciation- how they look, for what they do (taking out the garbage), how they behave (you always make me laugh), and encouraging words (you are such a good writer). 

 

In the heading of acts of service, Chapman mentions what we think of daily activities like cooking a meal, picking up a prescription, vacuuming or doing laundry. We have seen many TV shows that mimic scenarios in real life where the wife is complaining that her husband never helps out around the house. In this section Chapman reminds us that even if we aren’t used to expressing our love a certain way, we can learn for the sake of our partner. Furthermore he clarified that acts of service aren’t just any activity- they are the ones meaningful to the other person. He reminds us that love is not a demand but a choice; we choose to do these things for our loved ones even though we might not like them because they make the other person feel secure in their love, it fills up their tank. He gives an example of a wife who asked her husband to do the laundry as part of acts of service. He explained to the husband “the love you feel when your wife expresses love by physical touch is the same love your wife feels when you do the laundry.” 

 

Overall we have to figure out the love languages of other people and make sure we are expressing our love to them in a way that fills up their tank the most. He has examples of people that saved their marriages after 20-30 years of feeling like their relationship was dead! There’s a lot weight from all the hurt but it is still possible as long as we are dedicated to filling the tank of those we love. If we aren’t sure about our love language, he gives some ways of figuring it out in the book- there’s a quiz, he talks about asking yourself some questions about what you request the most and what you desire above all else, or alternatively what hurts you the most. For example he describes that the silent treatment will be hurtful more than anything else to someone whose language is words of affirmation, whereas someone’s partner not spending time with them is most hurtful to someone who values quality time above all else. If we want to discover the language of someone else, think about what they “nag” about the most- this is them asking for what they need the most. (However unfortunately sometimes people don’t know how to ask, so they might be starving for touch or words of affirmation but don't know that's what's going on. This book is great for us to know more about ourselves too and give us the language to know what we need). Words like “you don’t talk to me” or “you don’t appreciate me”, “you don’t love me anymore” “I don’t feel the same” are vague. But when we reformat them as “I would love some quality conversation” or “hearing words of affirmation would really make me feel loved” are more specific and are in the format of a request.

 

I realized a lot about myself while I was reading the book. I realized for example that while receiving gifts has zero importance to filling up my emotional tank, I often give gifts because gift-giving is commonly done in my family. I realized why certain things bother me, what I need for my tank to feel whole. I also recognized that while some things are certainly nice, others are simply necessary to survive. During covid we have all learned what its like to be in a long-distance relationship with almost everyone we know. This is worked ok for certain people’s love languages- they can still have quality conversations on facetime, spend time together in outdoor settings, hear words of affirmation on text, mail gifts, etc. It is much harder to do acts of service for one another virtually, and impossible to touch. Although we all appreciate some touch, it is devastating to a person whose primary love language is physical touch, to not be able to fill their cup for such a prolonged period of time. Thus I think that covid has made a real difference to the amount that our love tanks might be full too, and be deeply affecting our relationships. In the book Dr. Chapman talks again and again about how there is a phase of being “in-love” that is the euphoric experience of wanting to do everything together, longing for them, they seem perfect, you would never do anything to hurt them, etc. and lasts for a maximum of 2 yrs. He then says naturally this phase ends and then people start to get unhappy as their love tanks empty and might then end up looking for someone else to start the cycle again. Perhaps this cycle will be much shorter during covid as people's cups are already running on empty for so many other reasons. 

 

Chapman emphasizes that when we love someone in their primary love language, we are allowing them to feel secure in the relationship, to feel worthy. People often blame one partner or another (some examples were given in a book) for their unhappiness or insecurity when it might very well be that they just aren’t getting what they need in the relationship to feel secure about it. They might be dearly loved but they aren’t feeling loved because the other person isn’t communicating in the language that they need. Some people in the book mentioned how they had changed over time- used to help with a lot of projects but stopped, used to talk daily but stopped talking and somehow we expect that the other person will not be affected by these changes. The very beginning of a relationship sets a precedent for how and why someone falls in love, something about it is filling their emotional tank. Chapman describes, “we feel secure when we are assured that our mate accepts us, wants us, and is committed to our well-being” and “Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth and security. When I experience love, it influences all of those needs positively. I am now freed to develop my potential. I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs. True love always liberates.” The thing that really stood out to me was all the examples in the book of people willing to try, to learn how to do things they aren’t used to doing or saying, because they wanted their loved ones to have their cup filled. It was their commitment to one another, to not give up. 

 

There are so many relationships we can apply these same principles to, the examples in this version of the book were largely of partners but the other versions apply to parent-child relationships and for single people as well. I think the main takeaways here are all around communication and how crucial it is in how we select the language of love that we communicate to those most important to us. At the same time we need to be introspective in knowing and requesting what we most need as well. 

 

References: 

Chapman, Gary. The 5 Love Languages. Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition. 

Sikhism and Trauma/PTSD

Sikhi and Trauma and the area of PTSD are areas I am very passionate about exploring as I feel there are so few conversations that expand on this area. As we will discover below, the effects on our population are pervasive.   

First let’s just get a brief quick background so we are on the same page. Trauma is an event that overwhelms our capacity to cope. It is “unbearable” and “intolerable”, as Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, the psychiatrist who helped to define the area of PTSD, tells us in his book “When the Body Keeps the Score.” Our classical examples are intimate partner violence, shooting, car crash, ICU stay, sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, loss, violence, terrorism, war, natural disasters, etc. It is not the event itself that defines trauma. He tells us “We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on the mind, brain and body.” Over time we have grown to recognize that trauma is also intergenerational from genocide, colonialism, slavery, and war and as the name implies, travels between generations. Trauma has many symptoms such as memory problems, loss of connection and faith, difficulty setting boundaries, emotional dysregulation, fight-flight-freeze reactions, depression, anxiety, nightmares, shame, guilt, self-blame, helplessness and more. We know that trauma also affects a person’s physical health and wellness as well. 

 

Some people who experience trauma go on to get post-traumatic stress disorder. The Center for Addiction and Mental Health defines PTSD as “a natural emotional response to frightening or dangerous experiences that involve actual or threatened serious harm to oneself or others.” It comes with its own set of specific diagnostic criterion, some of which include re-experiencing the event, nightmares, hypervigilance, sleep problems, aggression, avoidance of reminders of the event, isolation, etc. This isn’t the only thing that happens in PTSD, it effects the entire body. In one of our past posts, we talked about how people who are triggered might have difficulty putting their thoughts and feelings into words, a phenomenon proven on MRI scans. For some people, PTSD might not have come from one event, it might have come from multiple traumas over time and is now an emerging term called complex ptsd. More than ever now, we know that PTSD is real and a whole-body phenomenon. 

 

Just like any population, Sikhs also go through traumatic life events. We’ve talked in depth about intimate partner violence, sexual violence in Gurdwaras and self-help exploitation on this blog in the past. Our population has gone through multiple genocides and prolonged persecution from the beginnings of our religion, which has not ended even now. You might have grandparents traumatized from 47 and parents traumatized from 84. In fact there was a study done that showed a “likelihood of a high prevalence of PTSD and MDD [major depressive disorder’ in women within the Widow Colony” (UCSF). You may encounter friends, siblings, cousins, or partners and children who get ptsd in their lifetimes. As we have immigrated around the world we have also faced racism and have lost some of the tools that have traditionally allowed Sikhs to survive in the past. From my observations, the effects of trauma are quite widespread amongst our community, but have gone unrecognized and labelled as other social problems. For example, Uncle X gets irrationally angry and lashes out at his partner and children out of the blue. Nana Ji is emotionally numb and disconnected. Dhadha Ji tells heroic stories of what he has survived but cannot sleep at night. Your husband has an alcohol addiction. Your wife is really emotional on a whim and she doesn’t know why. Aunty is anxious and protective of her children. They say they love you, but they push you away. They’re too clingy. They works all the time and don’t come home. Are you starting to see people you know? SALDEF (Sikh American Legal Defense and Education Fund) recently did an excellent presentation on intergenerational trauma that gathered psychologists and survivors of 1984 to discuss how this effects our Sikhs community. They focused on British colonization, 1984, 9/11, and farmer protests as examples of traumas that continue to affect Sikhs today. One of the speakers cites the original work on intergenerational trauma done on children of holocaust survivors by Yael Danieli. In her work, Danieli identified patterns of adaptation styles that survivors developed like emotionally volatile, emotionally detached/intolerant of weakness, valuing identity/justice while focusing on success at all costs, and distancing from the experience and its effects. I found these themes to be particularly interesting as I saw her research after I came up with examples above from our community, but they align pretty within these categories. 

 

Healing is possible. “A central belief of trauma-informed practice is that people can recover, and the approach is grounded in hope and the honouring of each individual’s resiliency” (Trauma informed practice guide BC). Some of the methods of healing involve doctors and counselling specific to PTSD (EMDR). These have their role and are important. There is also a role for Sikhi itself to help in our healing. We know from our history that shaheeds from our history weren’t just putting on a brave face but were at such a high spiritual avastha that their mind-body connection existed in such a way that they were able to bear great physical tortures while the mind was in its home, thir ghar. Remember we know that trauma is not defined by the event itself as we mentioned earlier. Most of us are still not yet at that spiritual avastha so a lot of our progress can be made from understanding akath katha and why we came here. Gurbani talks about depression and anxiety as coming from maya (thoughts), and that we can use the gurmantar to move out of maya and into sunn. Some of the methodologies we use in Sikhi are the same as used in western science like breathing/meditation and reshaping our thinking patterns (cognitive behavioural therapy) which are similar to simran (sas-sas, sas-gras, and rom-rom). These are known to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and to help a person move out of a fight-flight-freeze survival state. It also connects us with the universal Oneness and that can help people who struggle with a feeling of disconnection, isolation, and self-blame. Gurbani also educates us about Hukam and gives us a framework to reframe our thoughts about the events that happen to us and finding meaning in our lives in the present moment. Another example is that kirtan addresses an ability to express a variety of emotions through raags which can help us to take all of our various types of energy/emotion and put them somewhere. Post-traumatic growth is about returning feelings of gratitude for life, faith, strength, connection, trust, etc. It is about how we relate to ourselves and other people, our spiritual context, how we see the future and how we appreciate life. Especially when we are in supportive sangat it can give people a feeling that they are not alone and it is very important to promoting growth after trauma. 

 

Supporting a loved one with their trauma is most helpful when done on an individual basis by having a conversation about it, but there are some general principles that can be applied. We need to be aware that re-traumatization can occur when people don’t feel like they have a choice, decisions are made without including them, when they don’t feel seen or heard, when their trust is broken, and when they aren’t safe to express their emotions. At the very least we shouldn’t be going around the world re-traumatizing people. Taking a triggered person and telling them to use the part of their brain to rationalize or “control their emotions” simply isn’t possible because that isn’t the part of their brain that is active – their brain has gone into survival mode. The utmost importance is for us to keep our own mind calm in the face of someone who is distressed. It can be helpful for them to do some breathing or simran, and to help guide the person into the present moment (a method called grounding). 

 

As discussed, experiences of trauma are very common amongst Sikhs and the effects of trauma, especially of intergenerational trauma, are underrecognized in our community. What we do know is that if we don’t recognize trauma and its effects within our family systems and our community, we will be unable to implement new coping mechanisms and change. We cannot solve a problem if we are unwilling to recognize and acknowledge it. A trauma doesn’t have to negatively define a person’s life, through the process of post-traumatic growth a person can find deeper meaning and appreciation in their lives. Gurbani teaches us that when we look inside of ourselves, when we deeply search, we will be able to find our path to merge back home. 

 

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute medical advice. If you or a loved one is experiencing symptoms of trauma or ptsd please seek professional or medical care as this article is meant to just thought provoking and a conversation starter. Mental health resources can be found through a doctor, registered psychologist, crisis line (310-6789 in BC), victim support through victimlink 1-800-563-0808, or emergency room in a crisis. 

 

References

Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk, When the Body Keeps the Score 

https://anesthesia.ucsf.edu/sites/anesthesia.ucsf.edu/files/wysiwyg/Sabhlok_Pathways_0.pdf

https://www.careinnovations.org/wp-content/uploads/Post-Traumatic-Growth-Inventory.pdf

https://positivepsychology.com/post-traumatic-growth/  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9Kp51N1tkc SALDEF’s presentation 

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/02/legacy-trauma

https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/community/articles/a-traumatic-legacy

https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/community/articles/a-traumatic-legacy

https://www.thebigq.org/2019/05/22/qa-how-is-trauma-passed-on-through-generations/  

https://bccewh.bc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/2013_TIP-Guide.pdf

Misunderstood

Guru Ji teaches us to move out of tamogun- gossip, slander, jealously, hatred, pride, anger, greed, attachment, etc. and into satogun, then above all of this maya. Gossip is so prevalent even within our Gurdwaras. Instead of hearing Naam our ears listen closely to stories of others and then go on to share them and exchange information. Somehow, we convince ourselves it is necessary to know, that someone else’s bad story will help us learn, when in reality we have grown accustomed to absorbing this information and spewing it out at the first chance we get. How much time do we spend thinking about and talking about other people? Think about attending a wedding party or going to someone’s house. What do you talk about when you get back? The information about what someone was wearing, their body habitus, their relationships, their hair, their schooling, their job, their choices in life, all have nothing to do with our journey here and impede the flow of our mind from being able to go back to its mool. The diversity of the world is a creation of Waheguru. To see it as “other” is to create dualism (dubida, dwait). When it comes to nindiya, we talk about slander, backbiting, repeating things that we didn’t see or weren’t true. Bhai Sahib Ranbir Singh mentioned at a recent katha that it might even be that you think you saw something but it wasn’t true. When we gossip and slander other people we take all the durmat mehl off of them and put it onto ourselves.  Sometimes we do end up needing to repeat our true experiences with others for others to know to protect themselves, we have to distinguish this line of having compassion for others while not allowing ourselves to be run over. 

Misunderstandings are extremely common everywhere. They often result from assumptions, lack of communication, our own doubt, bias, or expectations. I have many times in my life felt misunderstood. We make assumptions about the world all the time and the more people we interact with and the diversity of experiences we see, we challenge that again and again until we see that there are no assumptions at all to be made. We are made to look for patterns, perhaps evolutionarily this aided in our survival. Yet those patterns will have exceptions. When we look through our lens, we will make mistakes and mislabel situations and people. For example you might cut out someone that was actually trying to help you. We have probably all misunderstood others and been misunderstood. In some cases these are small insignificant occurrences, in others they can be life altering or life-ending. I remember whenever there would be a misunderstanding I would try to clear it up right away, to stand up for what the truth is, for my authentic self, even if it took a lot of vulnerability. I would fight aggressively tooth and nail for what’s right because I considered that to be my duty. At some point I recognized that it isn’t always worth it. I shouldn’t have to defend what is Truth. That is Oneness, that is justice, that is aadh sach, jugadh sach, hai bhi such and nanak hosi bhi sach. The Oneness is just there, the truth and reality of our existence, our stories, our realities and who we are is there. If someone is blinded by kaal and unable to recognize it, there is nothing that can be said or done to change that. Only Guru Ji can unveil that for them, to remove their shackles and kaal’s jaal over their eyes and allow them to understand what is true. I remember having a very important conversation at one point that I knew would change my life. I sat down and in my mind I didn’t let go of Gurmantar the entire time. I wondered to whom do I owe an explanation? The One who knows everything has declared this Hukam. Bibi Sukhwinder Kaur often talks in her katha that “shabad di chott marda.” People say all kinds of things, they strike us like daggers, they hit us hard, directly to our ego, then Kaal comes to speak within us and we come back in anger. Instead, this was our test, this was our time to understand when it is time to speak and when is the time to be silent. To remember that the One is always there and we cannot be wounded when we trust in that circle of protection. Again and again in this last year I have been tested and learned this: if someone trusts you, if someone has faith in you, if they see God inside everyone, if they see you, they will ask and clarify. They will not allow a break in brother/sisterhood, friendship, relationship, mentorship etc. over the assumptions that the five implanted into their mind. I lost a mentor from the sangat over this and while I was shaken and disappointed, I recognized that sometimes people just don’t see you for who you are and you can’t change that. There were people who used to throw rocks at Guru Nanak Dev Ji!! Kaal’s Jaal is so strong that people could not see. There are people who will always be suspicious of the worst, always be assuming you dishonest because of their own assumption, rather than resolving or clarifying. I knew I couldn’t change that someone can’t see you so I felt no need to correct assumptions and defend the truth. It’s not like their version of me changes who I am, or the truth. Sometimes people are just unwilling to see and accept reality because it doesn’t match their pattern, what they have experienced and known in their life up until now. Every anomaly to a pattern upsets their understanding of how people function in the world and is unacceptable, so instead of changing the pattern recognition and realizing that not all people that X, behave like Y, they decide that it simply isn’t possible. People weren’t meant to ever be forced into boxes defining who they are, we all have unique DNA, our faces and fingerprints are all unique. We were created all differently. Having a universal love for one another allows us to let go of our own misunderstandings and let go of our duality in how we see others. Sometimes people were a certain way and worked hard to change themselves. It’s unfair to judge when we all have things to be working on. 

 

I remember a time when one of my family member’s behaviour was entirely different than what I knew them to be. In one split second, my thoughts, Kaal, maya, took me to an entirely different train of thought. I wondered if for my whole life I was wrong about who they are... after all what I saw appeared to be true. How could the two truths align. Luckily it was clarified very quickly but it showed me that it is possible for Kaal to show us things that create doubt and suspicion where they don’t exist. It is possible for us to see things that we think are true that aren’t. It is also true for two things that are contradictory to be simultaneously true. 

Misunderstandings don’t bother us as much when we are firmly planted in the Oneness. No one can change the reality and truth from what it is. When we feel offended, who is speaking? Homai rears its ugly head and destroys our peaceful state. The entire game of kaal is so create thoughts, conflicts, separations, and chaos so that we forget our path and don’t win this game.   

Changing Ourselves

Guru Ji taught us that with their guidance people can certainly deeply and profoundly change themselves like Kauda Rakshas and Sajjan Thag. By Guru Ji’s grace I have seen some amazing transformations in people’s lives. Last year during covid, and even early into this year I found myself changing in ways that I didn’t want to. I felt like I lost a lot of my independent flare and edge, even not being able to wear my personal style of clothes to work. I lost a lot of autonomy as we weren’t even allowed to travel outside our regions nonetheless the province. I found myself feeling generally just lost due to a number of reasons. Even Bhai Sahib who came from the states at the recent camp mentioned the vast difference in how covid affected the American and Canadian sangat, and mentioned the sangat was coping much worse here as we had been literally just trapped in our homes or going to workplaces where we faced massive amounts of community-wide grief and trauma. For me, when I got to see sangat in person again, to feel the full experience of connection, it was hugely healing in itself. It restored an immediate sense of direction. It also created a new bliss that I hadn’t experienced before, a new and deeply impactful inner fulfilment. Like Gurbani states over and over, my mind was hungry for Naam. When we meet people who have no ego, who have no desire to have power over us, who treat us with equality, who communicate well, are loyal, and accountable to their actions, who are authentic on the inside and out, we re-ignite our faith in humanity. Instead of conflict, we see people doing simran together, problem-solving, sticking together with determination, we see loyalty, we see compassion for each other, we see patience, and we see communication of what works and what doesn’t, to see shades of understanding rather than an all-or-none response. This is what healthy interactions look like amongst our sangat. There is a recognition that the five are coming inside of us to cause conflicts and we won’t let them, to control our own minds from letting the five win over us. It is just amazing how a plant grows in the right environment- the right amount of moisture, soil, and sunshine. I’ve always known about my ability to change, especially to grow rapidly in environments that feed me, and to starve in environments that are arid deserts of compassion, love, honesty, humility, and patience. When we persist for long periods of time in the arid deserts, it becomes very hard to remember that all we need to do is to change where we are and the rest will follow. It isn’t something fundamentally wrong with us, it is simply that we need something that we aren’t getting from the place we are. Some people, even in the most difficult surroundings, have been able to change with just the support of one member of sangat. 

reference pic: https://www.sikhnet.com/news/cannibal-guru-nanak-history 

First Prakash Divas of Guru Granth Sahib Ji

Tomorrow we are celebrating the Anniversary of the first Parkash Diwas of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. This is when Guru Arjan Dev Ji first installed the Aadh Granth (Adi Granth) at Harmandir Sahib. The following is the history.

From the times of the first to fourth Guru Sahibs, there were Pothi Sahibs (bigger than a Gutka but smaller than a Granth) that were passed on. Guru Amar Das Ji gave his Pothi Sahib to his son Mohan. Guru Arjan Dev Ji sent Bhai Gurdas, then Baba Buddha Ji to retrieve it, but Mohan was in deep meditation. Guru Arjan Dev Ji then travelled to Goindval himself and serenaded Mohan, but he was actually singing to God, the real Mohan. Mohan handed over the pothis. These pothis are now called the Goindval Pothis. Mohri, also the son of Guru Amardas Ji, gave Guru Ji a palanquin to carry the pothis. Guru walked barefoot from Goindwal to Khadur Sahib out of respect to Gurbani. Upon arriving at Amritsar, Guru Ji then compiled all the hymns, including those of enlightened Bhagats into a new holy book, the Adi Granth (pronounced Aadh Granth). There was a group of poets called Bhatts who came to meet Guru Ji while he was writing the Adh Granth. They all wrote the praises of the Guru (the knowledge and light) and then were all liberated and left their bodies. The Adh Granth was installed at Harmandir Sahib (the Golden Temple). Baba Buddha Ji carried Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji on his head, while Guru Arjan Dev Ji did Chaur Sahib sewa. Baba Buddha Ji made the first Granthi of Harmandir Sahib. The Hukamnama was from Ang 783 “Santa Ke Karaj Aap Khaloya…” (Almighty Himself has stood up to resolve the affairs of the Saints; He has come to complete their tasks, see Ang 783). Guru Ji slept on the floor next to scriptures, to demonstrate respect. It is unknown what happened to this original Bir. 

 

The Parkash Divas is a day to celebrate our Guru. It is a time for us to remember how deep and meaningful our relationship to our Guru Ji is. 

Pictures: shttps://www.facebook.com/DailySikhUpdate/photos/a.451278254932169/1683387925054523/?type=3&theater 

https://www.facebook.com/SikhGurdwaraDc/photos/a.140540292810664/873294089535277/?type=3&theater 

https://www.sikhnet.com/news/gurus-birthday 

Satsangat Kaise Janiye, Jithe Eko Naam Vakhaniye

I used to wonder where the Guru Jis and the shaheed Singhs and Singhniya got their strength to withstand the mental and physical challenges of their times. They sought shelter in the forests, they survived ghallugharas (holocausts) and physical tortures. They didn’t even have the types of shoes that we have to get around nowadays. I would think that they had a special type of intense bravery, combined with protection from God that allowed them to survive such atrocious times. After understanding the game of the mind, we understand that it is about a mind at such a high spiritual avastha it is able to separate out its sukham (non-physical) body from the physical vessel we have been given. We understand that minds that are in their homes (thir ghar) and have their food, their state will be in Anand, that they have won this game, that they see prakash everywhere, that they are not sinking in maya. Thus it isn’t just a matter of us “willing” ourselves to that state. It would be foolish to boast about our bravery, to stick out our chests and start saying we are nirbou, when actually our mind has not made any progress. This would come from a place of homai, and of lack of understanding of why and how this mind came here. When we give, we think we are the givers when actually nothing was ours- we didn’t create this body, we didn’t create this mind or this world. When we do our duty in this world, we think that we are the only one that can do this job, that there is no one else and nothing else that can fulfill our responsibilities when the reality again is that without this physical body, the work will still get done, the world will keep going. My dad said one day, we are the ant that puts up a flag saying the whole world belongs to it... we are but a small speck in the whole universe thinking this belongs to us. True resilience and strength, true bravery and courage doesn’t come from thinking, because thinking is the sukham form of maya. It comes from a mind that has overcome its thoughts and entered into the dasam dwar. We truly have to implement the teachings of our Guru Jis to access the full power of the mind. 

pic from pmkc

I spent years on physical action in childhood-going to the Gurdwara to matha tek, do sewa, kirtan, paath, etc. without understanding how the mind’s avastha can be changed. I felt some sense of emptiness and I searched for fulfillment from reading history and books, listening to kathas and kirtan, and reading Gurbani. When I learned about abhyas, I started implementing simran and what I learned from akath katha. It was at a critical point of needing sangat though, that covid occurred and I was left in desperate thirst and hunger for guidance. Thankfully things have opened up more and this year it was the practical time with sangat that has really integrated a lot of things for me and shown me the true power of Gurbani and simran. It is the boost of personal advice, of meeting people living in this world in a grist marag but also living a life of Anand, it is seeing the Gurbani applications in real life and doing simran as a group that really changes things. Satsangat shows us how to live a loving and compassionate way of life when we are faced in a world full of tamogun. We can grow to understand how to do our duties here and not burn out, empty ourselves, or exhaust ourselves. Being in sangat clears up our doubts, it allows us to clear up blockages and places that we are stuck. Gurbani tells us "Without the sangat, all remain like beasts and animals. They do not know the One who created them; without the Name, all are thieves." Guru Ji gives such high importance to satsangat, that they explain that if we are just here eating, drinking and working, we are living the life of a pashoo. We might be doing great work to help others, but we have not done any khoj within ourselves, and of why this mind came here. We slept through our lives and didn't recognize our mool. Everyone wants to end their suffering. For most of us, we didn't recognize any other way other than finding something in maya. Yet Gurbani tells us the only one way to truly end our suffering is Naam. Gurbani tells us "Without the Name, the mind has no firm support; O Nanak, this hunger never departs" (Ang 939).  

Our parents, siblings, friends, partner, and children all matter significantly in their roles in our lives. I heard many stories from sangat of people saying their family (a child, parent, partner, sibling, etc.) were not supportive and have been hindering them from even meeting sangat, doing simran, going to the Gurdwara, etc. Yet they might be the single member to help their family rise out of tregun maya. We learn what satsangat is from Sukhmani Sahib. Guru Ji tells us the definitions of a sant and brahmgyani, and the benefits of sangat. Satsangat inspires us, guides us right when we are off base, and challenges us to be our absolute best. They treat us with respect and travel with us, helping to alleviate the hindrances on our path and encourage us along. Wherever we go may we be cognizant of our sangat, be safe, and mindful of whether what is told is from Gurbani. Most of the Gurmukhs I have met are living in regular clothes, working jobs, and simultaneously doing their bhagti; their faces glow of love and bliss. When there is rigidity introduced, you start once again focusing on others, judging them, thoughts, etc. rather than inward to yourself and looking at the sargun saroop of Waheguru outward. We should choose sangat who take an interest, who think about how to apply Gurbani to our practical challenges of everyday life scenarios and dig deep within themselves. Gurbani tells us we are very fortunate if we meet satsangat in our lives.  The people closest to us can contribute to sinking us and drowning us in the bhavsagar or can help generations before and after cross the bhavsagar. Gurbani tells us, Satsaangat Kaise Janiye? Jithe Eko Naam Vakhaniye, "How is satsangat to be known? There, the Name of the One Lord is chanted" (Ang 72). 

Practical Living

Since we live a grist jeevan as Sikhs, we end up having to figure out ways to manage the mind while managing other personalities that live with us and interact in our closest circle. I got the opportunity to live with some Gurmukhs for two weeks which was an a really great experience as I learned what day to day living looks like, from waking up in the morning to bedtime. I got to see what it’s like to manage the household, take calls, interact with each other, etc. When we are part of someone’s family we get to point out and see where we might be able to improve and change our own ways of being or things can be done differently.

One of the first things I noticed about the physical space was that there was a calm and peaceful environment conducive to doing simran. They had a very simple way of living, and I really liked the space that they had for sitting and living, because we all ate and sat together on the floor. It created a real sense of togetherness. I’m realizing that crowded spaces and spaces that are too fancy prevent us from togetherness and overstimulate the brain too from being able to find moments of rest and peace. There was no television and interactions on the phone were limited to what was necessary only. I realized how much extra tension and stress is created from our phones, computers, and social media. 

 

The way of talking to each other was one of the most noticeable things to me. There was a lack of anxiety or anxiety-provoking talk in the household and a lot of positive talk and gratitude to God instead. At the camp I also learned a lot about how I talk. When I have conversations now I am more aware about whether I am talking about myself or someone else, whether I am doing my gurmantar, whether I am listening to shabads, whether I am eating, whether I am in rajogun, satogun or tamogun, whether I can change the topic off of tamogun to something outside or change to satogun or end the conversation. I saw the practical applications of all of this by watching Gurmukhs take phone calls, manage meeting other people, invitations, and household conversations. Their talk to other members of the family were with utmost love and respect but also not of moh. There was laughing, joking, and so much joy. While we can cognitively know what the benefits are of living such a jeevan of getting out of tregun maya, it was so beneficial to see it in real life. Somehow perhaps somewhere in my mind I thought this would be restrictive, too strict or disciplined to the point where no one talks and it is serious all the time. I realize now that it is so joyous, easy, blissful, like God does the work and we are just present. The sangat needs food and somehow three pizzas are made. Somehow the plants are watered, the dishes done. Our minds are not excessively drained and fatigued from the day’s work which was a huge contrast to me. I realized how exhausting and difficult our lives are when the mind is not living in its home. It wanders hungry without amrit ras, without honor, acting as a servant to kaal, acting out of accordance to Hukam and receiving punishment in the form of shackles of kaal's jaal, unable to see Waheguru, unable to hear Naam from the mukh of Waheguru, unable to recognize itself as a raja. Here the Gurmukhs are home, their minds are satiated by amrit, they are within Hukam, they have the clothing and protection of Waheguru. I noticed a lack of talking about other people, pleasing others, getting in middle, etc. Instead there were gentle reminders to each other that kaal has created this thought, or gotten us off track, or a redirection. There certainly is a discipline, a doing of paath, simran, katha, kirtan, etc. but also way more flexibility in how that happens and what it looks like then I realized. I’m recognizing a more natural rhythm of being. I learned a lot about how the five come to get me. Guru Ji gives us a rakhiya da chakar if we do the sewa of the mind, by looking at jot prakash, listening to anhad bani and speaking the gurmantar. 

 

Bhai Sahib Ranbir Singh (Edmonton) talked in katha the other day about how many of us think all we have to do is live a good life and do things for other people. We focus on sewa of others, we have projects we want to do to benefit others. Yet Gurbani tells us that this alone is not what’s needed to avoid the 8.4 million reincarnations; we had a purpose that was about our own mind’s journey. Doing good work doesn’t avoid the need that we have to finish what this mind came for, and return again and again until it finds out what it needs to do to go home. When we care about other people we wish so much that they find their way and benefit from akath katha as well. We attempt to share the applications of Gurbani and simran to our daily lives as Sikhs, things that we didn’t know or see before, so they can advance as well. We see all as the sargun saroop for God and wish them success in this lifetime and we go around spreading what we learn. Sometimes though it isn’t someone’s time and we cannot be attached to whether they benefit or don't. You may be long gone from someone’s life before they realize what you shared had some significance. I know this has been true for me, and I think back to what I learned from people I once knew and can no longer thank. I know now my weakness is spending time worrying about other people when I should be focused on my own house. One of the Gurmukhs at the camp reminded us- your house is on fire, you imminently need to address this. People who are meant to get Naam will find their way on this path, and God has many ways of bringing them in. Compassion to the sargun saroop of Waheguru is so important, sewa is so important but also simultaneously we must do our inner work to truly start our journey. Our compassion and love and ability to give is extremely limited without this. If we take our mind on its inner journey, our sewa will then come from a different, even larger pool of love and compassion than what we can provide now. 

I am so forever thankful to have had the opportunity to live with Gurmukhs for a while and learn a different way of living.