Creating Boundaries vs. People-Pleasing

I have been exploring the sense of “self” over the last week. In my job, I ask people to describe themselves to try to get a sense of their understanding of themselves and life’s purpose. Many people define themselves through their job and relationships, and underneath there is a feeling of emptiness and lack of “self.” I was recently listening to a podcast from mysimran.info about life’s purpose. Simer Singh talked about how we can fulfill all the criteria that society gives us such as getting a job, getting married, buying a house, and still feeling empty (1). This is because we never worked on our real purpose to meet Waheguru (1). He talked about how, while worldly pursuits like sports and school are often competitive, our goal of meeting God is not about being first or the best (1). I often think we compare ourselves to others and think “so-and-so already has kids” or “this person already has achieved X, Y, Z.” That race to get this mental checklist completed causes us to miss the point that time allows us to learn, grow, mature, and when we are ready, God delivers what we need. Thus as Simer said, our goal of meeting Waheguru is about joining others to work collectively (1).

A co-worker I just met brought up the topic of the need to help or please others. I was interested to learn more about the concept of pleasing others as a purpose, of tying one’s self-worth to other people instead of God. Many people would call this “people-pleasing.” This happens, for example, when an individual seeks approval from others, fears rejection/criticism, or avoids conflict (2). Since this is driven by an underlying fear, it has a negative effect on individuals and eventually, a person starts to feel trapped, resentful, used, and gets burned out (3). What is the difference then between helping others in a healthy way and people-pleasing? Yong Kang Chan writes “A healthy compassionate person would take himself or herself into consideration… They please others but yet they don’t put other people first. They see other people and themselves as equal. ‘Selfless’ to them doesn’t mean disregarding themselves. It means disregarding the ego’s needs of feeling important and worthy from helping others. They don’t see pleasing other people as their responsibilities or obligation. They don’t burn themselves out from helping others” (2). This is essentially what Gurbani teaches us- that we are equals, we need to do sewa with humility and without ego, and that you can serve others while taking care of and standing up for yourself. Serving others is not a burden, because it is recognizing the Divine within you, and to take care of yourself is a sewa in itself.

Years ago I watched videos from Brene Brown, a shame researcher, about setting boundaries in order to be a compassionate individual. At that time, I still had not understood the concept, but it just clicked for me. On a podcast from the Lively Show, Brene explained that in her research the most compassionate people had the most boundaries (4). Compassion is “the belief we are connected by something rooted in love” (God) (5). Boundaries are not walls or emotional distance, but rather simply “what’s okay and what’s not okay” for you (4). It is the boundaries that make compassion sustainable and prevents us from burning out (4). She gives an example that you are holding a Christmas party but are reluctant to invite a friend who gets drunk every year (4). The boundary is that you tell your friend that you want her there but it makes you uncomfortable if they get drunk, and she can only come if she doesn't get drunk (4). From this we can really understand that we all have boundaries- for example, expecting that people show up on time. Say you move in with a roommate, or you just got married. There is that process of figuring out each other’s boundaries. I remember my cousin telling me that for a whole year after she got married she and her husband fought about keeping the doors locked. She grew up in a household where it only felt safe if the doors were locked and he grew up in one where the doors were always unlocked. I realize now that this was about their personal boundaries. I’m away from home so I called my mom to tell her about all these things I learned, and immediately recognized all the examples of how she has set good boundaries. She is very eager to help others but is also clear not to impinge on the things she values. For example, she turned down an extended family member's event because she wanted to go to my sister’s soccer tournament. These are what keeps her compassion and empathy sustainable.

In order for us to set boundaries, there is a process of figuring out what is okay and not okay for you, which is a process of discovery. It now made sense why I hadn’t originally understood the concept of emotional boundaries because it was only when I took a year away from school to reaffirm what I believed and valued, that I figured out what my boundaries were and how to communicate them. I knew a lot about giving but I didn’t know a lot about feeding myself. My spiritual awakening created a strong sense of self that allowed me to understand how to make giving sustainable and how to care for myself.

Brene’s work on boundaries comes out of her shame and vulnerability research. In order to experience the wonderful things in life- joy, belonging, love, it is necessary to experience vulnerability, because to connect to others we have to let ourselves be seen (6). In order to be vulnerable, we have to talk about shame, that feeling that you are a bad person/not good enough (7). That shame leads to depression, addiction, violence, bullying, etc. while guilt is inversely related to these (7). Guilt is when you can say I behaved badly, but I’m sorry and I made a mistake (7). Brene’s research shows men’s shame tends to be about being perceived as weak, and women’s shame is often about meeting conflicting, competing expectations/doing it all (7). How do we deal with the shame? When we are vulnerable, we have courage and we tell someone our story because the moment those words come out, the silence the shame hides behind is broken (7). It is important to share the story with someone empathetic; “people who earn the right to hear your story” (8). Empathy is how we communicate love for people so they know they are not alone- when someone says “me too”, which breaks the shame (7). Brene states “you show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I’ll show you a woman who has done incredible work” and “you show me a man who sits with a woman who has just had it, she can’t do it anymore … and he really listens, I’ll show you a guy who has done a lot of work” (7). In order for us to have vulnerability, empathy, and compassion, we need to have boundaries (4). In order for us to fulfill the purpose of our life and meet God, we need to serve the Divine self, Waheguru within us. We are no longer working towards pleasing others, but God that exists in others with endless compassion and empathy.

I got this very relevant Hukamnama when I was writing this post:

rwmklI mhlw 5 ]

Raamkalee, Fifth Mehl:

kwhU ibhwvY rMg rs rUp ]

Some pass their lives enjoying pleasures and beauty.

kwhU ibhwvY mwie bwp pUq ]

Some pass their lives with their mothers, fathers and children.

kwhU ibhwvY rwj imlK vwpwrw ]

Some pass their lives in power, estates and trade.

sMq ibhwvY hir nwm ADwrw ]1]

The Saints pass their lives with the support of the Lord's Name. ||1||

rcnw swcu bnI ]

The world is the creation of the True Lord.

sB kw eyku DnI ]1] rhwau ]

He alone is the Master of all. ||1||Pause||

kwhU ibhwvY byd Aru bwid ]

Some pass their lives in arguments and debates about scriptures.

kwhU ibhwvY rsnw swid ]

Some pass their lives tasting flavors.

kwhU ibhwvY lpit sMig nwrI ]

Some pass their lives attached to women.

sMq rcy kyvl nwm murwrI ]2]

The Saints are absorbed only in the Name of the Lord. ||2||

kwhU ibhwvY Kylq jUAw ]

Some pass their lives gambling.

kwhU ibhwvY AmlI hUAw ]

Some pass their lives getting drunk.

kwhU ibhwvY pr drb cuorwey ]

Some pass their lives stealing the property of others.

hir jn ibhwvY nwm iDAwey ]3]

The humble servants of the Lord pass their lives meditating on the Naam. ||3||

kwhU ibhwvY jog qp pUjw ]

Some pass their lives in Yoga, strict meditation, worship and adoration.

kwhU rog sog BrmIjw ]

Some, in sickness, sorrow and doubt.

kwhU pvn Dwr jwq ibhwey ]

Some pass their lives practicing control of the breath.

sMq ibhwvY kIrqnu gwey ]4]

The Saints pass their lives singing the Kirtan of the Lord's Praises. ||4||

kwhU ibhwvY idnu rYin cwlq ]

Some pass their lives walking day and night.

kwhU ibhwvY so ipVu mwlq ]

Some pass their lives on the fields of battle.

kwhU ibhwvY bwl pVwvq ]

Some pass their lives teaching children.

sMq ibhwvY hir jsu gwvq ]5]

The Saints pass their lives singing the Lord's Praise. ||5||

kwhU ibhwvY nt nwitk inrqy ]

Some pass their lives as actors, acting and dancing.

kwhU ibhwvY jIAwieh ihrqy ]

Some pass their lives taking the lives of others.

kwhU ibhwvY rwj mih frqy ]

Some pass their lives ruling by intimidation.

sMq ibhwvY hir jsu krqy ]6]

The Saints pass their lives chanting the Lord's Praises. ||6||

kwhU ibhwvY mqw msUriq ]

Some pass their lives counseling and giving advice.

kwhU ibhwvY syvw jrUriq ]

Some pass their lives forced to serve others.

kwhU ibhwvY soDq jIvq ]

Some pass their lives exploring life's mysteries.

sMq ibhwvY hir rsu pIvq ]7]

The Saints pass their lives drinking in the sublime essence of the Lord. ||7||

ijqu ko lwieAw iqq hI lgwnw ]

As the Lord attaches us, so we are attached.

nw ko mUVu nhI ko isAwnw ]

No one is foolish, and no one is wise.

kir ikrpw ijsu dyvY nwau ] nwnk qw kY bil bil jwau ]8]3]

Nanak is a sacrifice, a sacrifice to those who are blessed by His Grace to receive His Name. ||8||3||

References

1 “Your Life Without Purpose Is " ____ _____ _____ ".” SoundCloud, Mysimran.info, 6 Nov. 2017, soundcloud.com/mysimran/your-life-without-purpose-is.

2 Chan, Yong K. “Psychology of People Pleaser: Why Do They Need to Please Others?” Nerdy Creator, 15 Sept. 2016, www.nerdycreator.com/blog/people-pleaser/.

3 Champion, Vickie. “Home.” Vickie Champion, 2010, vickiechampion.com/people-pleasing-quiz/.

4 Lively, Jessica, and Brene Brown. “#124 The Lively Show by Jess Lively on Apple Podcasts.” Apple Podcasts, Jessica Lively, 17 Feb. 2016, itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-lively-show/id815582351.

5 Brown, Brene. “Brene Brown.” YouTube, YouTube, 16 Mar. 2017, www.youtube.com/watch?v=BESvQB6J5rc.

6 Brown, Brene. “The Power of Vulnerability | Brené Brown.” YouTube, YouTube, 3 Jan. 2011, www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o&t=941s.

7 Chan, Yong K. “How Brené Brown Helped Me in Overcoming Shame & Admitting Failure.” Nerdy Creator, 5 Aug. 2016, www.nerdycreator.com/blog/failed-miserably/ 8.

8  OWN. “6 Types of People Who Do Not Deserve to Hear Your Shame Story | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN.” YouTube, YouTube, 24 Mar. 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8Pp7QB6GrE&t=181s&list=PLm7ow7pt7XbwKIQg7WB7zucDVu_QUqne5&index=2.

Raising Children

I have spent the last couple of weeks working with families and learning how family interactions influence children. I learned about the development of the mind from the time that babies are in their mom’s uterus to adulthood and the various ways the interactions between parents and children can be disrupted either from the parent side, the child side, environmental factors, or all of the above.

Sometimes we can be unaware of the diversity of experiences in parenting. For example, the birth may have been complicated, or the mother may develop post-partum depression. It’s important for us to recognize as a friend or family member to be sensitive to different experiences so people are not further isolated. I even realized that society portrays a lot about motherhood (sometimes inaccurately) but virtually nothing about the stress on new fathers. For example, many fathers worry about being a good enough dad, about balancing shift work or irregular hours with an increased financial responsibility, and grief over losing the old life they had as a couple (1). Also, unlike previous generations, there is an increased expectation for dads to be more involved yet they may have no role models (1). Often times in immigrant families dads have not had as much time to spend with their children because of the work demands, so in the second generation it can be hard to know what to do. Having this awareness can help us have more empathy and understanding. 

I learned a lot about the development of children’s emotions through the limbic system in the brain (2). When we lack understanding about the development of emotions, we can start to see children as fussy and annoying when they throw tantrums. Sometimes parents can react angrily to their children, even when they don't mean to. When we realize that this is how children are learning to develop emotional regulation, we can support them by being a role model, help them name and acknowledge their feelings and teach them how to express them (3). Supporting them through this period actually helps them develop an ability to self-soothe and self-comort later in life (3). Of course in order to role model it’s important for us to continue to work on our emotional management too! Many of us as adults struggle with being able to calm down our emotions enough to communicate our thoughts, so it is important that we work on that too. It’s sometimes not a skill that was taught to us effectively when we were young.    

Some of the videos I saw wanted parents to think about how parenting roles have changed, and where they get ideas about parenting (2). This really probed me to reflect on parenting in South Asian culture, in the Sikh religion, how I feel about roles of each parent, how to discipline, etc. For example, I realized that I learned a lot about parenting when my little sister was born because of our age difference. In one of the videos they were talking about different cultural expectations around praising children, or involving other caregivers such as grandparents in the therapy sessions (4). We can pass on the teachings that work well from generation to generation. For example, in the Sikh religion, we have many great traditions such as storytelling to connect children to their roots and inspire them through our history, sharing family time praying together, and naming a child using the first letter from the Hukamnama (5). Waheguru.net writes, “Every time a Sikh name is recited by another person, it reaffirms that spiritual, soul identity within the person and thus becomes a natural mantra which constantly connects a Sikh to their true purpose and destiny in life” (5). I remember a few months ago when I was in Toronto a taxi driver asked me my name. After I replied, even though he wasn’t Sikh he said “that means heart-felt love, right?” I was surprised and smiled, “yes!” In every way, my name represents who I have grown to be- with heartfelt love for God I will do my sewa in this life. Gurbani also teaches us an extensive amount about development of a child in the mother’s womb, such how the mind of the child is connected to Waheguru during that time: “Chanting the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, and meditating on it within the fire of the womb, your life is sustained by dwelling on the Naam.” (Ang 76). We can use this extensive knowledge to understand more about the mind and about the relationship between parents and children. 

The process of looking inside oneself is explained in Gurbani to focus on awakening one’s mind. Dr. Dan Siegel similarly talks about how focusing attention on the mind will rewire the brain and improve all of our relationships (including with your partner, children, etc.) because one will be able to see the mind behind other people (6). For example, if we reflect on past experiences and process them, we can prevent ourselves from inadvertently doing harm to others from that pain (6). This reminded me strongly of my post about “seeing the five (kaam, krodh, lob, moh, hankaar)” in other people, since this concept is the same as explained by Gurbani. 

It is important in all of our relationships, especially between parent and child, that we reflect and understand how our thinking relates to our behaviour. When we learn to connect feelings with thoughts and behaviours, we learn how to change the mind to connect better with our loved ones. Gurbani gives us the tools to be able to work on the mind in ways that are just now being able to be understood by science.

References

1 http://kidcarecanada.org/video-section/dr-carolyn-steinberg

2 http://www.childhood.org.au/for-professionals/bring-up-great-kids-programs/online-video-resources 

3 http://www.imhpromotion.ca/Resources/SimpleGiftVideoSeries.aspx

4 https://pcit.extensiononline.ucdavis.edu/login/index.php

5 http://www.wahegurunet.com/raising-children 

6 https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4B5035ECF8A14AB3

Happy Prakash Divas of Guru Nanak Dev Ji!

November 4th is the Prakash Divas (birthday) Guru Nanak Dev Ji! We will have programs at the Gurdwara Sahib everyday this week from 5 to 7 pm. Make sure to attend!

Guru Nanak Dev Ji is the founder of Sikhism and was born to Hindu parents Mehta Kalu and Mata Tripta in 1469 in Talwandi (now Nankana Sahib in Pakistan). Although he was born April 15, the birth date is celebrated on the full moon in November. He had an older sister named Bibi Nanaki. His unique path became apparent at a young age when he learned at an unprecedented rate and impressed his teachers.

One morning in 1499, Guru Nanak Dev Ji bathed in the river and disappeared for three days. No one could find him, and people feared he had died. He resurfaced three days later, having spent those days with God Himself. His first words after he emerged were “There is no Hindu, there is no Muslim”, meaning that everyone is the same according to God. Guru Ji was respected by all religions and travelled extensively spreading messages of honesty, equality between men and women, and speaking out against the caste system. It is thought he travelled over 28,000 km including to present-day Afghanistan, Turkey, Burma, Tibet, Iraq, Sri Lanka, Persia, and Arabia. Bhai Mardana, a muslim, accompanied him on his travels and played the rabab while Guru Nanak sang the hymns. 

Guru Nanak introduced the concepts of Naam Japo (remember God), Vand Shako (share what you earn), Kirat Karo (earn an honest living) everywhere he went. He made sure to communicate in simple language so everyone could understand, not just those who had a formal education. He was married to Mata Sulakhani and had two children, Sri Chand and Lakhmi Daas. He emphasized that you can still live a spiritual life at the same time as a family life. The following are some stories from his travels.

In the town of Saidpur on his travels Guru Ji stayed with Bhai Laalo, a low-caste man, rather than with the weathly Malik Bhago. Malik Bhago questioned Guru Ji on his choice and Guru Ji showed, by holding Lalo’s food in one hand and Bhago’s food in the other by squeezing them that blood poured from the food of Malik Bhago and milk from Lalo’s. This was to demonstrate that Malik Bhago did not earn his food honestly and rather exploited others, but Lalo worked hard.

Guru Nanak Dev Ji emphasized that we should not be stuck in rituals but rather be true to their religion. For example, he observed people throwing the water from the Ganges towards the sun to reach their ancestors and he started throwing it in the opposite direction, claiming that if their water reached the ancestors then his should reach his fields in Punjab. 

Guru Ji started the tradition of Langar, a free community kitchen where everyone was welcome to sit and eat next to each other as equals. This was extremely important given the emphasis on caste status at the time. This continues on in Gurdwaras (sikh temples) everywhere today. After his travels he built the village Kartarpur. 

When Guru Ji passed on from this world in 1539 it is said there was arguments between the Hindus and Muslims about whether the body should be cremated or buried but under the sheet, instead of a body there were only flowers, half of which were burned and half buried. He was succeeded by Guru Angad Dev Ji.

References

http://www.theworldofgurunanak.com/guru-nanak-dev-ji.html

https://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Guru_Nanak

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/gurus/nanak1.html

http://www.sikhs.org/guru1.htm

http://www.ibtimes.com/guru-nanaks-birthday-2014-3-things-you-need-know-about-sikh-holiday-1720042
www.searchsikhism.com 

Sikhmusic.com
desicomments.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guru_Nanak
https://www.eventshigh.com/detail/delhi/2b528793c6229cf59c9b8969c98c1bbd-prakash-purab-guru-nanak-dev 

Book: Illustrated Life Stories of Guru Sahibs’ 

Becoming a Leader

I can't believe I'm writing a third post today! I guess my creative energy needed an outlet.

I caught up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. We quickly dived deep into conversation about our own personal reflections about growth. She talked about how she was saddened to see some of her friends who had fallen into the trap of doing what other people wanted instead of pursuing their dreams and had ended up feeling trapped. It made me reflect on the importance of knowing who you are and having a path and purpose for yourself, of being a leader. It’s that moment that you know that you don’t have to follow other people when they chase after maya because you are following a different path. She said it's important to “think for yourself.”

In his book Karam Philosophy and the Aim of Human Life, Giani Sant Singh Maskeen Ji wrote about how the mind is won by moulding it using the Guru (1). He said that many of us get so caught up in our desires: “Man is living at the level of desires and the desires have got one rule. While one desire gets fulfilled, it gives rise to ten more desires while it is being fulfilled. In this way the desire would go on increasing and there would be an abundance of desires” (1). Yet, as we talked about in our previous post, only those desires were going to get fulfilled that were as per Hukam. Maskeen Ji uses this to explain the situation of deras (places where they have fake sants and babas who exploit people while pretending to help them). He writes, “Deras of some saints are going on, because out of hundred presons who had gone there, desires of sixty persons was to be ordinarily fulfilled and therefore they say that their desire has been fulfilled by the grace of Sant ji. These sixty people then bring at least sixty other persons to the dera” (1). If someone is promising you that your work will be done, of course a percentage of them will have a positive outcome because that was God’s will that they were going to have that happen anyways in their life. Those will become devoted followers of that person.

Dr. Harshinder Kaur also spoke about the topic of why women are so drawn to these deras and fake sants/babas (2). I personally was perplexed why people would go to these deras and I came to understand through her talk. It was extremely useful for all of us, regardless of which country we live in, and even for those of us who believe strongly in Sikhi and don’t believe in these babas. I watched it twice because she talks about the female psyche, and she talks about the general societal and cultural problems that affect us. What she said applies even outside the situation of deras. She explained that it is fear that drives us towards something. We want support and someone to save us from that fear (2). For example, she explained, that people see doctors as “God” because they were scared to die and the doctor saved them (2). People are looking for that person who is going to be there no matter what, who treats them well, and wherever they find relief from that fear, they will follow (2). She used examples to explain the types of conditions of the women who became followers of these sants. For example, for a woman who is physically assaulted by her husband, going to the dera is a five day break from that life (2). When a husband doesn’t recognize that his wife needs time to fulfill her own needs- for friendships, for her health and wellbeing, then a dera is can be a place for her to go and sit with friends and share some of her life experiences with other people (2). Unfortunately this creates the opportune situation for these fake “sants” and “babas” to exploit and abuse women there. Dr. Harshinder Kaur said let us look to ourselves to see what we can do to help the females in our lives to make their living conditions better so they will not think to go to fake babas and fall into superstitions (2). She gave the example that a wife should be able to think that she has the full support at home and that she doesn't need to go to someone else in a dera to look for that support and validation. Just like Maskeen Ji, Dr. Harshinder Kaur encouraged us all to look within ourselves and change our own mindsets so that we can live in sehaj (2). Maskeen Ji says that the mind must be studied, “Read the thoughts that are going on inside. Study your reminiscences. What is there in these? Guru Nanak Dev Ji says that man reads the books but does not study his mind" (1). This can definitely be hard at times. I remember some kathas I’ve heard and books I’ve read have really shown a harsh truth, but when you reflect on it and look inside yourself it really allows you to grow. 

Dr. Harshinder Kaur emphasized the importance of believing in oneself, because for every disease there is an aspect of healing related to the mind. Many people go to deras because they look and see- many people are getting better here (just due to sheer numbers) and I must too, so they look to have faith in a fake baba (2). She said if we believe in ourselves and look back at all the hard times that we have successfully made it through, we can make it through our struggle (2). I find it helps if I remind myself Waheguru has determined there is a necessity to this experience and I will grow stronger from it. She talked about scientific studies that showed the effect of believing you can do something versus having doubt (2). We talked a lot about doubt in my past posts, and about the power of having faith in Waheguru. Bhai Dalbir Singh Ji Tarmala from Gurdwara Prabh Milne Ka Chao explains that kaal makes more efforts towards someone who tries to win this game than someone who doesn’t try (3). If you don’t try to win, kaal has won anyways but if we try, kaal will try to create problems that pull us away from simran, and test us. We have to believe in this path and say everyday “I’m not going to fall, I’m going to win” (3). So as my friend pointed out, rather than thinking using other people’s mat (understanding) we should think for ourselves. I will go one step further and say even rather than using our own mat (man-mat), let us use Gurmat which will never fail us or guide us in the wrong direction. Then we can fully awaken the mind. We need to have faith in the One and only, as the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji starts, “Ik Onkaar” who fulfills desires according to Hukam, not due to superstitions. 

Bhul chuk maaf karni. I would encourage all of you to check out Dr. Harshinder Kaur’s talk with your families even though it’s about an hour long. She explains way more beautifully than I could just paraphrasing it in English. 

References

1 Karam Philosophy and the Aim of Human Life by Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen

2 Dr. Harshinder Kaur’s Talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYjmSLq0NJI

3 Bhai Dalbir Singh Tarmala’s talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KeRTGsnq2E

Saka Panja Sahib

Events from Sikh history this week included: Gurgaddi Divas Guru Granth Sahib Ji (Oct 21), Saka Panja Sahib (Oct 30), Jyoti Jot Guru Gobind Singh Ji (Oct 25). Coming up is the Prakash Divas of Guru Nanak Dev Ji next week and I will be posting about that soon.

Background on Gurdwara Panja Sahib in Hasan Abdal: In 1521 Guru Nanak Dev Ji and Bhai Mardana arrived in Hasan Abdal and were doing kirtan. This created jealousy in Wali Khandari, who was used to having this attention from the locals. He had the only water supply in the area, and cut off the locals from being able to use it so they would stop following Guru Ji once they realized Guru Ji had no water. Guru Ji sent Bhai Mardana to ask Wali Khandari for water for the villagers. He went three times. Wali Qandhari rudely refused, and asked him to ask his Master (Guru Nanak). Guru Ji asked everyone to remember God. He asked the villagers to push away an embedded rock and a fountain of water sprang from it. Wali Qandhari’s fountain dried up, and he he became angry. He threw a giant rock from the mountain towards Guru Ji from the top of a hill. Guru Ji stopped the rock with his hand, leaving the imprint. Seeing this, Wali became a follower of the Guru. This rock still stands and Gurudwara Panja Sahib has been built there (see picture to the right). Panj means five, panja meaning outstretched palm.

Now moving forward in time to the 1900s. We previously learned about Saka Nankana Sahib and the freeing of Nankana Sahib from mahant Naryan Daas had taken over the Gurdwara and was doing bad deeds. After this, in 1922, Mahant Sundar Das was doing very bad things, and the Sikhs told him to stop his actions. As a result, he took amrit but he did not change his thinking. He wanted revenge against the Sikhs. A group of five Singhs was arrested for cutting Acacia wood for langar from land attached to Guru Ka Bagh. They were all sentenced with lengthy jail time for stealing from the mahant. The extreme punishment caused agitation amongst the Sikhs. The police started beating and torturing Sikhs, arresting 5 Singhs daily until the jails were filled, and there was plans to move the Sikhs to a fort in Hasan Abdul using a train. 

Seeing the conditions of the Sikhs the local sangat wanted to provide them with langar. They asked the trainmaster to stop for langar, but he refused. The sangat decided to stop the train themselves. Bhai Karam Singh is reported to have said “Baba Nanak had stopped a mountain with one hand. Cannot his Sikhs stop a train?” The 300 members of sangat were doing Naam Japna and lied on the railway tracks. The train was approaching, and in front were lying Bhai Karam Singh and Bhai Partap Singh. The driver refused to stop. The train rode over Bhai Karam Singh and Bhai Partap Singh, then stopped. Bhai Partap Singh encouraged the sangat to serve the langar before tending to their injuries. Both became shaheeds. Six others had injuries. Subsequently, the train driver was arrested and asked why he had stopped. His statement was “I had been given orders to not stop the train at any cost. As per the orders, I did not stop the train and was moving at full speed. When the train hit Shaheed Partap Singh I felt as if it had hit a huge mountain. I fell down and my hand got lifted from the speeder and the train stopped. After investigating the engine, it had been found that the brake had not been applied. I felt that some unseen hidden power (Vaheguru) stopped the train” (account from Bibi Harnaam Kaur, wife of Shaheed Partaap Singh http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Saaka_Punja_Sahib,_True_Story ). May we all reflect on these amazing parts of our history. These Singhs made a big sacrifice to feed their fellow Sikhs langar and Waheguru Himself stopped that train so that the Sikhs could do it. 

References

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Gurdwara_Panja_Sahib

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/File:Panjas.jpg

http://www.sikh-history.com/sikhhist/events/panja.html

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Saka_Panja_Sahib

http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Saaka_Punja_Sahib,_True_Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7z-qpKGtwY&t=827s

Celebrating the Gurgaddi Divas of Guru Granth Sahib Ji

Happy Gurpurb! This weekend's Akhand Paath will be held to celebrate the Gurgaddi Divas of Guru Granth Sahib Ji. This is the date when Guru Gobind Singh Ji passed on the Guruship to Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

Here is an excerpt about the history of the Gurgaddi Divas from Manvir Singh's blog

"Kartarpur Bir

During Guru Gobind Singh Sahib jee's Guru-ship, Baba Deep Singh along with 24 other Singhs went to Dheer Mal (the grandson of the Sixth Guru) to ask him to return the Kartarpur Bir (the original Aad Granth Sahib jee that Guru Arjan Sahib jee compiled) that he had forcibly taken during the time of Guru Hargobind Sahib jee. Dheer Mal refused and replied, 'If your Guru is the same 'Roop' (form) as the first and fifth Guru Sahibs, then why doesn't he fashion Gurbaani from memory?'

Damdami Bir

Guru Gobind Singh Sahib jee stayed Talwandi Sabo (known as Sri Damdama Sahib today) for 9 months and 9 days in 1706 and dictated the entire Aad Granth Sahib jeewith the addition of the Ninth Nanak, Guru Teg Bahadar Sahib jee's revealed Bani (sacred hymns), whilst Bhai Mani Singh jee undertook the task of scribing under Guru Sahib's supervision. Undoubtedly, Guru Sahib got rid of certain unauthorised writings which had crept into some pirated copies and gave the Granth (Scripture) it's final form. As this Bir (Volume) was compiled by Guru Sahib at Sri Damdama Sahib, in Southern Panjab, this final form of the Granth Sahib jee became known as the 'Damdami Bir'.

Resting Guru-ship in the Guru Granth-Guru Panth
This Bir was then taken to Sri Hazoor Sahib, NandeR, in 1708 by Guru Gobind Singh jee. In an old text called 'Nanak Chandr Udai Mahaa-kavyan' (ਨਾਨਕ ਚੰਦ੍ਰ ਉਦੈ ਮਹਾਕਵਯੰ) written by Pandit Raaj Sharma, it says that Sikhs asked Guru Gobind Singh Sahib jee Maharaaj before he physically left his body, 'Who is Guru now? To whom should we bow? Whom should we have Darshan of and of whom should we contemplate?' Guru Gobind Singh Jee Mahaaraaj replied that 'the Granth is the Guru. Do it's Darshan. Bow your head before it and do contemplation of it to illuminate the path.'

'Gurū Kīān Sākhīān' describes Guru Gobind Singh Sahib jee conferring Guru-ship to the Sri Guru Granth Sahib jee:

'Guru Jee asked Daya Singh, "Bhai Sikha, go and fetch Sri Granth Jee, we have to endow Guruship." On getting the command, Bhai Daya Singh brought Sri Granth Jee and auspiciously opened and displayed it. One Sikh prepared the parshaad and placed it on a stool nearby. After the supplication, Satguru Jee prepared to pass on Guruship. Guru Sahib took five paise, the coins and a coconut in his hand. Sat on the bedstead and asked Daya Singh, 'Place them in front of Sri Granth Jee' and expounded:
'With the directive of the Almighty, initiated is the Panth,
All the Sikhs are decreed to acknowledge Granth as Guru,
Believing in Khalsa, epitomises the Guru as corporeal.
Sikhs desirous to achieve me, (may) search in them.'
(p. 220-221)

Guru Sahib's instruction was:

ਆਤਮਾ ਗੁਰੂ ਗ੍ਰੰਥ ਵਿਚ 
ਸਰੀਰ ਪੰਤ ਵਿਚ 
ਪਰਚਾ ਸ਼ਬਦ ਦਾ
ਦੀਦਾਰ ਖਾਲਸੇ ਦਾ
ਓਟ ਅਕਾਲ ਕੀ

'The Spirit is in the Guru Granth,
The body in the (Khalsa) Panth,
Understand the Shabad,
Seek the glorious sight of the Khalsa,
Take support from the Immortal (God).'"

Additionally there is a nice resource on youtube for anyone looking to learn how to read the Guru Granth Sahib Ji with translations more slowly than other videos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqIkMmQ4jdc

References
http://manvirsingh.blogspot.ca/2007/10/gurgaddi-diwas-of-sri-guru-granth-sahib.html 
http://www.dgreetings.com/gurpurab/about-gurupurab.html