Stirrings of Change

They are calling it the year of cancellations. I’ve heard stories of cancelled children’s birthday parties, graduations, anniversary trips, and once in a lifetime trips. There are stories of postponed weddings. A friend of mine who had a baby who had to show it through the window to the rest of the family members. Grandparents don’t get to hold their grandchildren…We are allowed to be disappointed, while at the same time recognizing that there are those scared for their lives right now at the front-lines, those that are immunocompromised, those that are fighting for their lives, and those that have just lost their loved ones. We are in a pandemic and its effects on our lives cannot be ignored. 

Amidst the year of cancellations, I am finally graduating in less than 3 months. After 11 years of hard work and uphill challenges, I won’t have the opportunity to celebrate with the family and friends that made this possible. While I am looking forward to no longer being a student and having a regular work-home life, I am also realizing that I cannot take the time to celebrate and have a proper graduation. Life just keeps moving along because it is a crisis and we are needed. They say you shouldn’t make decisions in haste or in times of crisis. Unfortunately, there is no other option. Many of us are having to make such decisions. I am starting a life-long career. I need to make long-term, huge decisions about job offers, life opportunities, and places to live. Despite being someone who researches extensively, explores, and takes my time, I can’t do that now. There’s no driving around places and checking them out. It is more like blindly walking into a direction and hoping for the best. I truly have to just rely on my trust of God. What is in my hands, I will write, but what is beyond my control, must be accepted. 

Years ago, in high school, I made a very easy decision to stay in Prince George to do my undergraduate degree. I got accepted a year early with a full scholarship. With my 99% average I could have gone anywhere, but I was so certain in my decision that I didn’t even apply. I am very pleased with the quality of my education. It was helpful to have family around to help while I was busy cramming in the chemical structures of all the amino acids. When it was time to apply to medicine, the decision was less obvious, but God blessed me with the opportunity to stay in my home community. It taught me that one doesn’t physically need to move to grow. You can learn a lot from yourself by digging deep. Medical school was a spiritual transition. At the next stage, in residency, I really looked far and wide across the country. When you are young, the grass always seems greener elsewhere- I found out it’s not. I interviewed across the country. I thought about Gurdwaras, Sikh population, weather, proximity to family, hospitals, safety, curriculum, travel, traffic, etc. No matter what other places had to offer, my home pulled at my heart strongly. The people here smile as they walk by on the street. The sunshine on the snow, the view of the mountains and walks with my family. Friends. It was too painful to leave that behind. There was so much growth that had just started and I wanted to continue that growth without having to learn a new city and feel out of place. I wanted to see things through properly. I still had lots to learn and unfinished business. I stayed for that necessary growth and healing. I actively made a choice to move towards that which was challenging and unfinished, rather than away from it. 

I grew up here. A few blocks down the road is our old house with the back fence against the schoolyard. I remember my mom handing us ice cream sandwiches at recess and coming home for lunch. Riding my bike down the hill into the fence and breaking my wrist. Being in the upstairs of the Roller-dome and learning jab-cross in Tae-Kwon-Do in the summer sun. I remember looking into the basement of our house as it was getting built and getting told spooky stories by my sister. My mom running Punjabi classes for other people’s kids out of our kitchen. Flying off our makeshift teeter totter in the backyard. The shock of the loss of my great-grandfather. Bringing my baby sister home. I remember the Gurdwara getting built. It is full of memories. I remember learning Raag Kirtan for the first time. The celebrations of Gurpurbs and Nagar Kirtans with the same families, and the same Aunties/Uncles, for years and years. It’s a small town Punjabi community- everybody used to know everybody and all of their personal business, until recently when the population grew. It's like a family- we have been with each other as a Punjabi community from everything including emergencies and losses to weddings. There have been great memories of starting off the Prince George Sikh Youth Society, and the projects we worked on like volunteering with the Canadian Diabetes Association. I remember my first day of work at the hospital on the peds ward. I remember visiting my dad in the hospital. Through all the ups and downs, this community and the people in it have filled my home with memories and love. 

I stayed all these years to serve those who helped me get here and all those that invested in me. I had planned on staying long term because I understand the need. I’m in this profession to serve. It is a privilege to do this sewa and I had never imagined leaving. Especially now, just as I finally had time to invest my free time into living a fulfilling life. It was finally time to stop studying in my free time and start actually living. I had thought it was a good place to raise a family as well. Now there are stirrings of change. Change is such an energy that it can just take us by force and surprise. Life has pushed me into unplanned territory. It seems like a very odd time to be making life plans in the middle of a pandemic. I am heartbroken to even thinking of the possibility of leaving behind all of this, by myself. Yet there are opportunities for meeting new sangat, learning music, and attending simran camps elsewhere. I think God is sending me a message not to grow too attached- to family, friends, home, community, to memories. This change has something to teach me. Gurbani tells us that we truly cannot rely on others “the enticing desire for maya leads people to become emotionally attached to their children, relatives, households and spouses.” Guru Ji tells us “neither son, nor spouse, nor wealth shall go along with you- only the Eternal Lord.” We may not want to believe this, but Gurbani tells us it is true. Those around us are extremely important- Gurbani teaches us the concept of Sangat. We cannot live in isolation. At the same time, while we live a householder life, there is a way to not become too attached to people and outcomes. The same is true for careers, we can’t be too attached to those either. I think this is just the beginning of the lesson I am about to learn about attachment. Whatever happens, I am having faith in my Guru and making the best guided decisions that I can based on the information at hand.

I think it is important for all of us to consider the changes that these times are also bringing to us and have trust and faith in Waheguru as we move through this pandemic. 

P.S. I updated my youtube channel with new shabads to learn: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaJVqGlOz5r_yLZk2KkcenQ/playlists

Sikh Heritage Month

Happy Sikh Heritage Month! The Prime Minister extended his Congratulations in his daily briefing this morning. This month is definitely not how any of us could possibly have imagined, actually this entire year has not been what we imagined. One of the goals I had in the list on my wall was to be able to participate in Sikh heritage month events in Surrey or Brampton this year. Unfortunately all events had to be cancelled, including the Nagar Kirtans, and all travel has been put off. 

Vaisakhi this year will be celebrated very differently than any previous years. Gatherings are prohibited, in order to ensure public safety, and the Gurdwaras as closed. Among our own household, however, we can still have some celebrations and prayers for Vaisakhi. This is also a valuable lesson for us. Sikhs have been resilient through many genocides, times of war, and crisis. We can move through these times too. I know it isn’t the same as being able to physically get together. I know it is way more impactful to be able to sit in sangat and do simran, and have discussions. We have to be creative in finding other ways to do this. Some examples are facetiming/skyping/zoom/facebook video calling/google calling, or telephone calling other sangat and talking about Sikhi. Do simran together. Talk about Gurbani. For example, I had a nice discussion for a couple of hours with my cousin about Sikhi. Ask questions of each other, and explore new topics. How does Sikhism relate to covid- and all the stuff happening in the world right now? How does it relate to your life and your role in life right now? 

It is a great time to be listening to online kirtan- there is tons available through Sikhnet and youtube. It is a great time to be doing kirtan at home. We can spend some time learning paath, or learning Gurmukhi if you don’t know it. Start a Sehaj Paath and start reading the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, even 1 Ang a day along with translations. I shared this previously, but this is a great place to start because it has translations and transliterations: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsmGLVjjs7v_3TumV4dTBaw

If you already know how to do that, learn to read in Larivaar. Read the Vaaran Bhai Gurdas, or Professor Sahib Singh’s translations. We can expand by listening to kathas on youtube: Nanak Naam, Basics of Sikhi and Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen for example. It is a great time to pick up those history books, or other Punjabi books and start going through. Have quizzes with your family. We often do this at my house. We ask questions from this list: http://www.cyber-link.net/history.htm which are in chronological order, but also seem to get pretty much progressively harder. We do competitions to see which team wins, and we re-ask the same questions if they were answered wrong previously. It’s lots of fun and good learning. It is a time to strengthen our bodies through exercise and proper food. It is a time to share and serve others. Help them with their groceries if they cannot leave home (especially for elders). Reach out to others- call, text, whatsapp them to see how they are doing. This is a time to think about Sarbat Da Bhalla- the benefit of all of humanity. Many Kirtani Jathas are posting videos online to keep the spirit up in chardi kala. 

The last piece I will mention here is that the reason I have listed all these tasks is because they advance us spiritually and because they give us tools to level our minds to deal with the present situation. Many people are feeling shocked, sad, fearful, etc. and these are all valid. You might not be in a state yet of doing stuff with your time due to the acute state of anxiety around this international crisis. We are in unprecedented times, dealing with essentially war-time measures. It is important for us to appreciate that significance. Especially if you are in a different country than us right now- if you are living in other places, your situation may be acutely different than what we are dealing with. Our situation may also change here, and you may also not have the time on your hands that you otherwise thought. Your time may be spent towards acute safety. Right now our measures are essentially all social distancing and staying home, except for front-line workers and essential services. It is important to remember the tools we have. I will remind you that Sikhs have survived in the jungles, in deserts, and that we will survive this too. We need to use the tools we have to move out of any possible panic or overwhelmed state to actually be able to function. 

The most important thing I found was limiting the amount of news coverage watched, and to stop following groups on social media that were talking solely about coronavirus. I stopped all whatsapp notifications as well. Protecting the mind means having protected time to allow it to relax and remain calm. We can learn to do that if we start to take the time to practice our faith and move towards it during this time. Kabeer tells us wisely “Kabeer, that which you have to do tomorrow- do it today instead; and that which you have to do now- do it immediately! Later on, you will not be able to do anything, when death hangs over your head” (Ang 1371). In Sikhi we talk about death a lot, because death of the body is not to be feared. This is not a message that Kabeer is giving us to make us feel afraid, it is a message of urgency to wake us all up to the fact that we don’t have infinite breaths on this earth. 

Happy Sikh Heritage Month! 

Food

I must admit that I’ve spent most of my life not really thinking about food. First, I have been privileged to have food security and I don’t spend time thinking about obtaining food on a day to day basis. Second, unfortunately I never really considered it a topic of priority. I’m used to just eating whatever’s around- chips, cakes, sweets of all kinds. Workplaces seem to be especially full of sweet and salty snacks. My saving grace has been that I’m vegetarian so my main diet has always consisted of things that are healthy and full of fruits and vegetables. Salad is pretty much my favorite thing to eat, along with rajma chol. 

Our gut health has been shown to be extremely important. The microbiome (gut flora) is currently being studied for its link to diseases. We know that when we are stressed and in a “fight-or-flight mode”, our bodies are doing the opposite of “rest and digest.” I’ve noticed in particular in the hectic lifestyle I lead, that I have learned to eat my lunch on the go. I eat the sandwich I packed in 2 minutes and go back to working. Many times, we get so caught up in our lives we forget to eat. This form of rushed eating certainly doesn’t give us time to reflect on our thankfulness for the food, to enjoy the food, or to properly even digest it. My Massi Ji says a prayer before she eats her food. I think this is a nice way of remembering where our food came from. I know many Christian families that say grace before dinner as well. 

I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking more about what I eat and the nutrition that I actually get from it. My cousin is a vegetarian and also a body-builder. He has long since been telling me that I don’t have enough protein in my diet. I brushed it off, after all I’m not the one body-building. One day I looked through and realized he was right. I don’t even have enough protein to sustain what I need to maintain my body- my nails are breaking off and my muscles are slow to repair when I sustain an injury. Furthermore, iron is always an issue as a vegetarian woman. I always just made assumptions about what my diet was giving me and never actually realized what it might not be. Our food is what is giving us the nutrition to form up each individual cell that is repairing and renewing itself in our body. The vitamin and mineral absorption plays a role in generation of hormones in the body that regulate its function. Food influences our mood and energy in multiple ways as well. It formulates the absolute foundation of our wellbeing. We all know of course about diseases from eating excessive cholesterol and salt. I wasn’t used to thinking about the opposite- what about the things that I am not getting enough of? This includes not drinking enough water.

One of the other things about food is that we are disconnected from its source. My grandparents have a wonderful farm in Quebec. They grow their own vegetables in the summertime and get to make sabji out of them. It is the best tasting food I have had. I still remember the smell of the fresh tomatoes. When we think of our lives in India, we are traditionally from farming families and used to have our own cows/goats to milk and make thayee, and our own crops to eat from. This is not our way of living anymore in the urban cities of Canada. We miss out on the physical labor of farm-work, the togetherness that comes from working on a farm, but also we miss out on learning where our food comes from and what gets sprayed on it. Here in Prince George our food travels a very long way to get to us. We also sometimes don’t know about the qualities of those foods. Luckily in the summer we do get local carrots, berries, etc, but for the large part a lot of our food comes from far away. The food we grow in our gardens also doesn't seem to grow the best due to our climate. I think we would waste less if we really thought about the cow that gave us the milk, and the farmers that worked to grow those vegetables. It is important for us to appreciate where our food comes from. 

I had an appointment with a dietician that was very helpful. She taught me a lot about strategies to introduce better nutrition to what I had been eating previously, for example adding in nuts to oatmeal in the morning. She also talked about the importance of the experience of food- its relation to our social circles. For example at the Gurdwara, food is one of the ways we gather for langar. We share degh or parshad at the end of the program. This is similar to what is done in church services as well. Food is not just about food. 

I hope that this article has given you something to think about. A dietician is definitely a useful helper when it comes to figuring out how to get the nutrition you need. I had never been one for meal planning, but I’ve realized now is the time to maximize the nutrition in what I am eating so that I can live the fullest life possible. Making food a priority is about making health and wellbeing a long-term priority. We can’t be so busy for others that we forget about ourselves. Many of us have learned to put others first, but I think it is important to remember that taking time to sustain ourselves and eat properly isn't selfish. In fact, serving your body is also a type of sewa. 

Picture from: https://www.thespruceeats.com/how-to-store-vegetables-4687049

Facing the Past

One of the really impactful scenes from the movie Lion King is when the monkey Rafiki pulls a hair off of Simba’s head and Simba says “Oww! Geez, what was that for?” Rafiki replies “It doesn’t matter! It’s in the past!” Simba says “Yeah, but it still hurts” to which Rafiki replies, “Ah yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.” I used to have a picture of this quote as part of a poster on my wall.   

There are going to be many layers of lessons in this post, intertwining things that we have already talked about into new learnings. The past is an interesting concept. It not only shapes our present lives, but also pops up in unexpected ways if we don’t choose to address it. Rafiki tells Simba to learn from it so that he stops running. I have found that dealing with the past is sometimes not as easy as you thought. You might think it’s done, and then it comes back again and adds another layer of understanding. Sometimes we voluntarily can choose to revisit it to add to our layers of understanding. The last few years I had looked back at my childhood, my parent’s lives and how they influenced mine, and the generations of Sikhs before us, and how they influenced our lives today. This understanding of history influences our understanding of the present and is a very helpful perspective. The past has deep importance, as we all know to prevent history from repeating itself, we have to learn from it and change.

We can also voluntarily choose to revisit the past to add to healing from our connection with others, and to make amends. We never know how many breaths we have in life, instead of waiting to make amends later it is always best to address it now and make peace with it while you can. Each conversation should be treated as a potential last. The last few months I chose to do some revisiting for this purpose. I’ve found the difficult part is navigating that the past version of myself, the decisions I made, and the reasons I made them are really not able to be understood by the present self. The logic that made sense to me at the time doesn’t anymore and I cannot justify it. In the past, I did what I knew how to do with the skills and maturity I had at the time, and that’s not where I am now. There was a process of having to forgive yourself for not knowing and making mistakes at the time that you wouldn’t make now. There is a level of also understanding that the other individual is the same- they also reacted based on what they knew how to do at the time and trying not to hold that against them at all. That is the point of the past- to learn, grow, and to become better people from it. To become more loving, compassionate, empathetic, and open. I think that in revisiting the past to heal a connection with others, there’s also an element of understanding that we cannot change what happened. We can reflect deeply, apologize, change ourselves, and do better, but that’s all we can do. That is in fact, the best we can do- to change ourselves from it. It is not helpful to carry guilt and shame for our mistakes our whole lives, and Guru Ji reminds us again and again “Immense pain, murders and sins numerous, poverty and misery since birth, troubles and disputes of major girth. Nanak, all that is destroyed by Divine Name Contemplation, and burns like a pile of wood by fire’s action.” This is part of an acceptance of Hukam (reality), that what happened, happened and we cannot alter it. It was written the way it was written. As we talked about before from the Nanak Naam videos, God does to God because there is only one being, You do to You. There aren’t two beings forgiving each other, because there is only One being. Our interpretation of pain is based on the fact that we take it all personally. We involve our own egos. I do this all the time. It wasn’t about me, it simply is reality. One of the biggest questions for me this week was how to move forward into a future that looks vastly different than what I had planned. It is a matter of realizing I did all I could, I put in every effort, and it is what it is. You realize what Hukam is when you put your whole heart, spirit, and life into something and still it doesn’t happen. As Bhai Satpal Singh reminds us, Hukam is reality, not fantasy. 

The biggest lesson for me over the last few days was that once you learn from the past, it is valid to let it go.Take everything good, all the lessons learned, all the love, and leave the rest behind. It reminds me of that quote “Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.” How does the past become a life sentence? I think the first way is that if it is ignored and not dealt with. This is necessary. It will most definitely come back over and over until we make peace with it. It will invade into our thoughts, emotions, and dreams. The second way the past becomes a life sentence is if we carry our past as our definition. (One of my friends actually taught me this... These are the types of conversations that I think are important to have in our free time with our sangat. We can only really learn if we invest in conversations beyond the superficial and learn from each other!)

This is a very important concept, to carry the past as our definition. It is like carrying a heavy bundle on our backs for life that just builds over time. The bundle is about all the things that happened to us in our lives, all the interactions and stories. In this way the past becomes an attachment, and it holds us tightly. When this happens, we hinder our spiritual progress because God can only be reached in the present moment. Don’t get me wrong, the stories are useful. We can use our challenges and difficulties to explain how we have found our way to Sikhi, to explain where we are in our spiritual progress, to inspire others, and to explain how the challenges have shaped the mind in the most beautiful ways. I have done this frequently, because I think through the most difficult times, I have found purpose and a path. I find similar stories of others very inspiring, and it can be used to propel our journey forwards. At the same time, we cannot let the past define us. We cannot get absorbed into defining “me” and “my story.” The story is then simply a burden to carry day by day, instead of an inspiration. It adds to the ego. It adds to the reasons why “I” and “you” are different instead of One. This goes back to the bricks analogy from the Nanak Naam videos we discussed. We are building a wall of things that define “me”, my challenges, my life story, and it keeps being another reason that separates us from the Oneness of the universe. Gurbani tells us that our relationships don’t define us, this body doesn’t, and therefore this story doesn’t either. None of these things go with us after we die and are not permanent. It is actually freeing to remind ourselves that our path can be walked regardless of the story behind us, we are free to achieve our life purpose at any time. It is maya that wants us to stay entangled into “my story” because then we are stuck in the past and things that we think define us and we cannot let go of the temporary things in life to achieve the permanent realization of Truth. We cannot make that realization if we are totally grounded into the definitions of ourselves as part of this life and its stories. This is why Gurbani talks about not being “touched by pain or pleasure.” Only when one can see beyond this life’s relationships (ex. Guru Gobind Singh Ji asked his father to go be martyred and sacrifice his life to save the Hindus), this body (ex. Guru Arjan Dev Ji’s shaheedi), and this life’s stories (ex. Bibi Shamsher Kaur who was kidnapped and fought as a warrior), are we able to then move to a state of being where we are in an awareness of God. This is why we shouldn’t judge ourselves or other people for their stories either. They are part of transforming our mind’s journey but don’t need to define us.  

I hope this reflection about the past teaches you something new. It has certainly lifted a weight off of me and I am now understanding things in a new light, and more comfortable sitting in the present and letting go of what I don’t need to hold onto anymore. Through this there is ever greater love for Sikhi. 

References 

https://simplyloveyourself.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/the-lion-king-it-doesnt-matter-its-in-the-past/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWiaLugOROU

P.S. I have a lot more time than I expected lately so I'm hoping to post more youtube videos soon. 

The Driver

I waited a long time to post this, to keep it anonymous. The story was so impactful to those around me, that I felt it needed to be shared. It speaks to the depths of which Waheguru acts; the intricacies of every interaction. We meet people we are meant to meet, at the exact moments, and there is something so perfectly coordinated about it. 

I was out of town. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to go to the Gurdwara, which was an extremely long way from my hotel. I sat there on the bed debating whether to take multiple buses, the train, or a taxi. I had this singular thought that today someone really needs this money, so I decided to take a taxi. As soon as I got into the car, he told me “It is a rare person who thinks of another as you have.” I was shocked right-away as I hadn’t said anything to him yet and somehow, he had read my mind as this being the reason I took a taxi instead of a train. He went on to explain that the money spent on a trip like today, isn’t about this life, but about the spiritual life. He said he wasn’t sure if I believed in that, because he thought about 1:1000 people perhaps understood that singular statement and even believed in a spiritual life. 

He was an older Muslim man. He asked me about Sikhi, commenting about the love between Hazrat (Sian) Mian Mir and Guru Nanak Dev Ji. I was happy to explain the tenets of Sikhi, and we shared and learned about each other’s religions. It was great learning for both of us and lasted for a great deal of time. He spoke of the pains of a community so deeply affected post 9/11. Already up until then it had been an enlightening trip. Towards the end of the trip he asked me what I do. I said I was a doctor. He asked a request of me, he said to try to help those who are poor. He said in the Canadian system he understands perhaps we don’t really work for “free”, but to give then those earnings to those in poverty. I said of course. I didn’t think twice of his request, this is what I have set out to do with my life, serve the underserved. We regularly pool our money as a family for specific projects for impoverished families like medications, education, helping young women get married, etc. I didn’t think too deeply of what he said in the moment. 

As the drive was over, we pulled over. As the taxi stopped, he fell into the most painful sobs that broke my heart. He explained that his father had died when he was just a child as they were living in poverty and could not afford his treatment. Oh, how he remembered his father! I cried with him. We were no longer Sikh or Muslim. The tears rolled for the stories untold like his. He told me he had waited for so long to tell this to someone, but he told me because I was a doctor and I could do something for those families. He asked me to make a promise, and on the day of death that he would remember me and make sure I followed through on my promise. He would challenge me then if I did not. I promise, I promise, I promise. 

A Moment to Meditate

“You are the Light of all, the Life of the World; You imbue each and every heart with Your Love” Ang 1313

The world is a difficult place right now and we are living under extraordinary circumstances. If there’s one thing I have learned in the last five years, God has given each of us a path. There is a beautiful shabad: “Fareed, the path is muddy and the house of my Beloved is so far away. If I go out, my blanket will get soaked, but if I remain at home, then my heart will be broken.” We each make this choice on whether to take that chance and start walking. We have the opportunity for real fulfillment, or we have the opportunity to be heartbroken and stuck in the cycle of reincarnation. I am realizing that it is ever important to keep walking no matter what, and this means to not give up on one’s faith. 

If there is anything we learn from grief, loss, and death, it is that breaths are precious. I have a friend that promised me that she would live to see my wedding. I don’t know if it was her that broke her promise, or it was me that broke mine, because her time is coming within days. As heartbreaking as it is, we do not get to decide what time is written for us to go. We can learn to live with whatever we have fully. We all have to leave, but the ease with which we leave depends on whether we feel we didn’t do enough and had unfinished business. The sadness comes for those who never realized how to fully live and finally find out when the time has come. We get to choose to make use of our life for the purpose we came here for. Guru Ji tells us “by His training, I find strength with each and every breath, now that I am trained and tamed, I meditate on the Naam, the Name of the Lord.” Maintaining our faith, passion for Sikhi, our peace within during this time of worldwide anxiety, fear, and panic is ever so important. We have to remember how long and hard this journey has been to get here, to get this chance. To get every single breath that we have, we saved over lifetimes “For countless lifetimes, I have been separated from my Beloved…” Our life purpose must be first and foremost. What is it? “Vibrating and mediating continuously on the Lord and Master, the inner knower, the searcher of hearts, one’s life becomes totally fruitful. Those who sing and mediate continually on the Lord of the Universe- their coming into the world is blessed and approved.” The Guru Jis prepared us for the age of Kaljug. We must use all the skills we have now to overcome everything holding us back from our path. 

There are people all over the world in prayer. This is a special opportunity for us to take this moment and turn it into one of spiritual connection, to look inside and to immerse ourselves in Naam. If you don’t know how, get some direction from sangat. Watch some videos on simran, take a Hukamnama, start reading Gurbani and finding answers for yourself. There is so much treasure left to be discovered, are we really going to give up our chance in order to live a superficial life just going and coming from work, and living in our families? Imagine the richness of the life the Guru Jis lived, and those in their circles of sangat. The things that are written about in Sakhis. To transcend this humanly experience, one has to dig deeper into Gurbani and turn to God for answers. I would rather try in each moment and each day of my life, toward my purpose, and knowing that I died trying, than to not have tried. 

We cannot even fathom the depth of the creation, Gurbani tells us this.  The paralysis of doing nothing, and being lost in simple mind tricks and pleasures, is minimizing everything that God has given us and created. This paralysis of not stepping forward comes from the repetitive episodes of shock from the events of life, that breaks us from our path, or it comes from complete absorption into maya and its temporary joys. I have had friends who say that repetitive stress has caused them to lose all faith, and I have had others that say that the same events have driven them closer to faith and they will never let it go. We can travel with others for a distance, but ultimately it is us who must be motivated to try to travel, to make an effort. In our search for our life sangat, we are searching for others who wish to also travel, to help each other along. From the incrementally small amount that I have stepped outside my door onto this path (and I have a very long way to go), I can say that the pleasure and the depth of love and joy created out of faith in Waheguru, is worth the effort and choice over and over, to keep faith and not let it break. After all, this is our purpose.  

270 Days of Yoga

I started doing yoga last year and continued on with it every day. I attended a yoga camp back in 2009, but since that I had only tried it a few times here and there, nothing consistent. I never thought it was something for me. It seemed to be either too hard, or too slow. I had never found exactly the right pace and level. 

There are many different styles and ways of doing yoga and you have to find the one that resonates with you. It teaches us breathing, but also builds core strength, endurance, balance, and flexibility. It is actually very relaxing at the end of a long day to reconnect to one’s body and actually feel your aching back release, and take a few deep breaths from the belly. As someone who is generally hyperflexible, I have needed to build some strength around my ligaments that easily are sprained, and it has been very nice to learn how to build that through yoga. This body is our vessel to be able to get through this life and we do have a duty to keep it healthy. We also need to keep the mind healthy by teaching it ways of relaxation. I think yoga offers us both of these gifts. There is also something to being able to release the different energies that we have and express ourselves. 

I have to say that I have no real idea about the links of yoga to Sikhi, or whether there is a connection. I do think it can give us a spiritual experience if we seek it. It is not simply just exercises and physical movements, but about a deeper connection to the breath. We know that the breath is vitally important to our understanding of life. So I encourage you to try out different types of yoga. There are tons of great videos even on youtube, as we are currently socially distanced and isolated. I found "Yoga with Adriene" to be an especially helpful channel. 

Time Doesn't Heal

This is an excellent katha by Giani Sant Singh Ji Maskeen about dukh/pain/suffering. He uses Gurbani to explain that your thoughts count- seeing the good qualities in others. He talks about the stage of yearning that comes, the tears that come in the longing for God are the most beautiful tears that wash away the pains of lifetimes. 

We have a saying that time heals. Time doesn't heal in itself, we have to make progress towards healing. The healing doesn't come from simply just sitting by and letting the hours pass. It is an effort of finding compassion, empathy, and God. Maskeen Ji explains that God is the only one that is capable of absorbing dukh. Maskeen Ji explains that a single human alone cannot reach God, we need the help of the saints, avtars, and Gurus. It needs support. I am hungry for this sangat, it feels like so few people even talk about about God anymore. 

He says we are afar from ourselves, we dont even know what is within. We find out when we hold the gutka and realize the negative thoughts inside. We are finally getting closer to ourselves then. We aren't as close to ourselves as we are to our husband/wife. We know all their qualities but not ourselves. Kabir says "I am worst of all, everyone else is good. Whoever understands this is a friend of mine." He explains the translation is not that Kabir is the worst. Those who are far from oneself, are far from God as well. On the outside everyone is all holy, but those who are close to themselves, and dig deep will see their own faults over many lifetimes. Those who are not close will see the bad qualities in others. When we start to repeat the name of God we realize the fault is in ourselves that we cannot see God, our eyes are closed to the sunshine. Maskeen Ji answered a question that I did not understand until today. This is part of the journey, a necessary part where many people break off. 90% of the people turn back here and cannot do this. Saram Khand is about hard work. When repeating God's name and see our faults, we are getting closer on our journey. When we are seeing only our good qualities, we are not getting closer. When we see our weaknesses, then we work on it and shape it. Seeing our faults, we shape ourselves even more. Guru Ji says "The intuitive consciousness, intellect and understanding of the mind are shaped there. The consciousness of the spiritual warriors, and the Siddhas, the beings of spiritual perfection are shaped there." We find the truth here. The thoughts will slowly break off here. He reminds us, the society looks at what you did and you face judgement there, but God looks at what you thought. 

We must be the 10% who are brave to step forward and explore our faults. We must be the 10% who use them to shape our consciousness and move forward on the path to God. 

A New Book

Life seems to be throwing everything at me, the grief of a dying friend, pandemic, health, logistical issues, duties, responsibilities. It has caused me to reflect on where I need to go. 

Two years ago I made a very important decision to stay in my home community. The world was my oyster but I wanted to stay for many reasons, including serving back to those who have helped raised me. I stayed to heal myself and find some resolution for things that I needed answers for. My Guru Ji guided me to stay and I did. As one of my friends so clearly put it, I’ve been on a path of trying to find truth. We don’t choose the path, the path chooses us and God is the one who writes it. 

I have spent most of the last few years trying to chase others, the pursuit of being liked. I am tired of waiting to be appreciated, to be seen. The degree of vulnerability to keep one’s heart open, loving, passionate, to assume the best in others, and try to see the Oneness, is not something that everyone can understand. It is raw and it hurts when you inevitably get burned...but apparently is the best qualities to live a life with depth. I have found it hard to feel trapped by duty, responsibility, the expectations of others. I realized I was holding myself back a few months ago. The excitement and interest in doing something for a greater purpose was growing, but I was held back. I have spent months in turmoil wondering about how all possibilities could work out. I feel like I have clipped my wings, I trapped my mind into thinking that I could no longer dream and think big like I used to. I am less than 150 Angs from finishing the Guru Granth Sahib. It has taken four years but even the persistence of the learning has taught me a lot. Through the highs and lows of the last four years, my Guru has travelled them with me. I got the direction I needed- to find forgiveness for myself that life is not on dwelling on our mistakes. We are allowed to learn and let them go. Everything has a chance to heal if we fight for it.  

The possibilities of life before me are fresh. I am not turning a chapter, I guess God decided I finished my old book entirely. I thought there was more to be written, but I realized that we cannot control these things. Now is the time to awaken the interest in learning instruments, attending camps, exploring Sikhi on a new level; to learn how to be a healer of the spirit like I am of the body. I’ve had dreams to make a big impact in the community, to raise my children and teach them Punjabi, Sikhi, kirtan. The experience of God, can only be by the believer with faith. It must be felt within. I can pray and hope and wish, but it happens by God’s graces and we cannot gift it to another. We came here for one singular purpose to follow that path, no matter what. I made a promise to follow this path. Now is the time to surround myself with sangat to follow that path, to spend time with those interested and excited about Sikhi, but also how it fits into our role as care providers. The discomfort has grown over the last two years, the yearning, the longing for home has grown to a level that I cannot explain. It is time to go home. 

Coronavirus Anxiety

Check out this video from Nanak Naam:

I understand that the masses are anxious right now considering the grocery stores are emptying out. Those even without any previous mental health issues are anxious over what this means. This fear of course is not about this virus, it is about death. What happens when "I" end. As healthcare providers the fear is on a different level. It isn't a fear for oneself. It is having crunched the numbers for ICU, ventilators, hospital beds, personal protective equipment, medications and realizing the reality of the importance of prevention and social isolation. The anxiety and stress is about having to experience a mass-level of grief and loss seeing a large population of your own community dying. In some ways the grief has already begun. We have this warning of what is to come from other countries. 

My Massi Ji phoned me last night. She told me that I've been given a special gift to work at these times, just as they are doing their parts staying home, I am doing my part in working. She told me to remember everything that I had learned to keep myself strong- simran, kirtan, paath, breathing. She reminded me to do my part, but to remember that the ultimate outcome comes from Waheguru. This is You, this is You, this is You. There is just One, merging into Oneself, none of which belongs to me.  This give me something to hold onto for the days and weeks to come. These are hard times for all of us, but we must connect the deepest we ever have into our faith. As Sikhs, we have been taught survival and resiliency.